How would you interpret this?

[phatjohn]

Background on the situation; I've been divorced from my ex (Broadzilla) for 3 years. Recently she has been extremely difficult to deal with. About two months ago, she had the Court of Domestic Relations in our state contact me because she's dissatisified with our shared parenting plan (which she and her attorney authored).

Last New Years (04-05) per our shared parenting plan, I was supposed to have the kids on New Years eve and she on New Years Day. When I go to her residence to drop them off on New Years Day, she's not there. Come to find out later she split for Chicago for the holiday with her new man, and didn't bother to tell me she wouldn't be home.

Tonight, I got the following e-mail;

The kids are w you for New Year's Day this year.  According to the holiday visitation schedule and the established time sequence that means you will pick up the kids at four pm 12/31/05 and extend until 8 pm on the day of the holiday 1/1/05 except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. (1.8) The children do have school on Monday.  Therefore, they will need to be home at six pm.

Here is the table from our shared parenting plan listing the holiday visitation;
HOLIDAYS (even numbered years)   Dad=#   Mom=*
Fourth of July      *
Labor Day   #   
Halloween      *
Veteran's Day      *
Thanksgiving   #   
Christmas Eve   #   
Christmas Day      *
New Year's Eve   #   
      
HOLIDAYS (odd numbered years)   Dad=#   Mom=*
New Year's Day      *
Martin Luther King Day   #   
President's Day   #   
Easter      *
Memorial Day      *
Fourth of July   #   
Labor Day      *
Halloween   #   
Veteran's Day   #   
Thanksgiving      *
Christmas Eve   #   
Christmas Day      *
New Year's Eve      *
New Year's Day 2004   #

The way I interpret this is that Mom has the kids on New Years Eve '05 and Dad has them on New Years Day '06. Is this the same way you see it or am I missing something? My ex seems to think that she can twist the court document any way she wants to fit her needs, and expects me to conform to her wishes rather than abide by the court document. How ever, the reverse is unacceptable.

My biggest fear is that due to the fact she has already involved the Court, is that she's going to try and take me back to court and get the shared parenting plan modified at least or worst case (which she has already stated) is that she'll go for full custody.

Am I just being paranoid and stressing over nothing? Please share your thoughts.

phatjohn   

[wysiwyg]

ok being that I am no lawyer any info can not be used as advice but...I do have an opinion from a parental point of view.

Our parenting plan switches off New Years every year, odd/even etc.  It has the clause in it that the the date of the new year will determine odd or even year - so I would think that if you two are splitting new years eve, New years day, then one would have to determine if the old year or new year is the odd or even year in order to determine if mom or dad has New Years eve or day.

Per your post I assume that you had the kids New Years Eve last year, (you said you went to drop them off on NY Day) I would assume that she would have New Years even and you the day this year???? IF you are using the same plan as a year ago, and nothing has altered or been agreed to otherwise, would you not switch off this year?

If I am missing something let me know, but thats just my 2 cents.

[phatjohn]

Last year, 2004, I had the kids New Years Eve and was supposed to return them to their mother at 9 a.m. New Years Day. As I said in my original post, she went to Chicago with her new man at some point after I picked them up on New Years Eve and was not at home on New Years Day. I would have hoped that she would have at least had the decency to tell me she wasn't going to be home in advance. But, she couldn't do that so there I was, sitting at her house with our daughter crying for her mommy and I don't know what to say to her, I have no clue where her mom is. So for '04-05 I had the kids both New Years Eve and New Years Day.

The visitation schedule for '04-05 as far as I'm concerned is water under the bridge, she kind of screwed me over by not following the shared parenting plan but that's ok, I got more time with our kids.

However, since she's been so hard to deal with lately and won't even accept my calls so I can talk to our daughter (which is another violation of our shared parenting agreement in itself) and has limited the communication between us to e-mail only, I feel like she's trying to back me into a corner to get me to do what she wants me to do.  But, that's not gonna happen.

The way I see it, if you look at the Holiday Visitation Table odd numbered years (2005 being an odd number) Mom has the children on New Years Eve. New Years Day 2006, (2006 being an even numbered year) Dad should have the kids New Years Day, which is what I intend to do.

Again, if you look at her e-mail to me in my original post and the fact that she won't talk to me, it seems like she's trying to force me into having the kids both New Years Eve and New Years Day.  Having the kids on New Years Eve and New Years Day is not an issue for me, I'll gladly have them but, what galls me to death is the fact that she tries to twist a cut and dried Court Document to suit her wishes. All I'm looking for is fairness, consistancy and COMPLIANCE with the Court Document. I never know what to expect from her so I am defaulting to the Court Document and making sure I AM in compliance with it, the rest is all b*** s***. I just want to make sure I'm not missing something that can come back to haunt me.

Any thoughts?

[wysiwyg]

I was not disputing or arguing with you in any way, frankly you will find that most of us here are in the same boat to various degrees of disagreements.  One thing I have found is that no matter what order you think is cut and dried - someone else - usually the opposing party - will twist it to suit their needs, we are currently going through the same thing for Christmas.  

I agree with your thinking, but you need to think in the terms of what will not PO a judge, being too literal at times will trivialize the nature of your thoughts.  I see it as you can argue your odd even year theory (which I can agree with) or one judge might say that the New Years eve new years day theory is to be something different.  Thing here is that your theory really will reverse from year to year, so once done consistantly will effectively fullfill the courts orders.  Let me explain further with a story, my old deceree said I had 4 weeks of vacation in the summer, I schedule the time throughout the summer and into the school year - knowing that that would give me a change to be involved with the school taking and dropping off meeting the teachers and knowing the school work etc, I live in the same area so this was not a problem, BM refused to allow me my last 2 weeks after school started but the judge said that summer vacation was from June 20 to September 20, 21.  So you see that there were different interpretation, but our current court order states that summer is defined as the time that school is off - between grades.

If she is telling you that you have the kids both days you can simply do something like send a certified letter, and given that New YEars is only days away, you might consider fedex or UPS next day delivery, telling her that you will agree that you have the kids on New Years Eve and that they will be ready for her to have on New Years day per your court order, if she is not availalbe to get them or not home when you take them (I am not sure who does the transportation) make sure you document it somehow - I would file a police report either way that she was not availalbe. Then I would call my attorney and tell him to notify hers that she was not availalbe.  

I understand the hard to deal with, my ex will not speak on the phone, will not enter court ordered mediation, told me she would file suit against me if I emailed her and if I hand her letters she usually slams my arm in the door.  We have been in contand litigation for 12 years.

[phatjohn]

I'm sorry if you thought I was argumentative, that was not my intention.  

 "Thing here is that your theory really will reverse from year to year, so once done consistantly will effectively fullfill the courts orders."

That is exactly what I'm thinking, but, my ex refuses to a acknowlege the fact that she is supposed to have the kids on New Years eve and therefore won't follow it. That is why I am going by the shared parenting plan to the letter so all my ducks are in a row if the s*** hits the fan (which is the direction I think this is going to go).

"If she is telling you that you have the kids both days you can simply do something like send a certified letter,"

I've done exactly that in the past, she won't sign for them. Case in point, after our meeting with the social worker from the Court of Domestic relations that I mentioned in my original post, I sent both my ex and the social worker the same documents the same day at the same time- certified mail, return receipt requested. The social worker got hers the next day, I had the signature receipt back in three days. My ex however, to date, still has not signed for her's (I've tracked it on the USPS web site). So, I'm kind of at a loss for what to do now other than e-mail her.

Also as you suggested, I've been documenting everything. I think that as in your case, that this whole thing is going to end up back in court. I'm to the point now that I'm willing to have the Shared Parenting Plan modified just so things can be spelled out more clearly than what they are now and to take away any wiggle room my ex thinks she has.

I'm so fustrated with what I see as a no brainer and her antagonistic behaviour that I'm questioning whether or not I'm seeing things cleary, that's why I've posted my thoughts here.

Any more thoughts? Please post them.

phatjohn

[Tennessee Dad]

Keep EVERYTHING as evidence, including the e-mail where SHE suggested you have the kids both days.  Then, enjoy your kids the extra day, and let her have her fun.  My example, I have custody of 8yo daughter.  Ex- should have daughter this year for New Year's Eve, and return to me New Year's Day.  But ex- told me last week she has plans for NYE, so I told her I could pick up daughter on Friday.  She threw a fit that I was trying to take an extra day from her.  Not so, but I work both Friday and Saturday, and I either have to pick up Friday night or Saturday night.  Then, yesterday, she calls me, and leaves a message to pick up daughter on Friday night.  All that fit, for nothing!  

If you try to do everything right, and by the book, and she doesn't follow, just thank you lucky stars for the extra time, document everything, and go on.  JMHO

[wysiwyg]

save the documents taht she is refusing to sign for, the USPS will send them ack to you if they are unsigned, I wonder if Fed ex or UPS will say refused if she refuses a nd you can track when attempt was made ot deliever.

//www.readnotify.com - get it - it will track your emails to her and tell you when they are opened and for how long and how many times.  You can certify them etc, there is a free triel, I eneded up buying it for a year after only 2 days I liked it so much!

Yea know all about the antagonistic, we will likely end up in Fed court with IRS for her failure to sign over the form for last year.....we just got notice she and we claimed the child as the exemption.and so it goes, like  sad soap opera.