Modifying visitation?

[ScornedMomma]

I've been divorced for about 6 years (am now remarried). We have a son who is 7 1/2. When our divorce was final our son was just a baby so the typical IN Parenting Time Guidelines worked just fine for us. Now that he's older and involved in school activities, etc. they are not working so well. My ex lives approx. 1 hour 15 min. away from us. He picks up and drops off our son every other wkend. The only reason we do not share driving is b/c he has to go thru our town to pick up another son from his first marriage so he just does all the driving. There has, however, been times in the past when I've met him halfway.
That being said ~ my ex lives with his mother (who is 80 years olds). He has 3 children by 3 women ages 16, 7 (ours) and 4. He gets each of them on the same wkends. The problem is that instead of allowing our son to participate in his games, activities, etc. he forces visitation upon our son. I wouldn't have an issue with it at all if he actually was using this visitation time and not working the entire wkend. leaving our son with his 80 year old mother. He also insists that the children not be broken up - the 16 year old has taught our son things that don't need to be taught to a 7 year old. My ex also allows our son to watch R rated movies, play Grand Theft Auto on the XBox/Playstation, etc. I have kept my mouth shut for the most part b/c talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. But it's now affecting our son at school - he was just suspended last week for one day for cussing. The other brother cusses. Not to mention pushes my son around as he sees fit!
I have tried to speak with my ex in the past about all the above issues and even try to switch wkends. so our son is there when the older child is not or there when my ex is not working. He won't agree to this. He won't even agree with me offering to drive halfway both for pick up and drop off. I have copies of all the things I've sent him in the past regarding this issue.
My ex is not an active part of his life at all except for picking him up every other wkend. And like I said he works  most of the time. Same with summer, Xmas and Spring Break. Grandma cares for him. I've suggested enrolling him in daycamp, swimming lessons, etc. etc. - heck, I'd even be willing to pay, but ex won't agree to it.
Our son is ADHD and needs to be constantly challenged and kept busy in order to stay out of trouble. When he's idle he's a troublemaker!! That's why I've suggested enrolling him in summer activities. I've quit enrolling him in activities when he's with us b/c he is forced to miss half of everything if it's a wkend. game etc. Our son quit asking his father to switch wkends. and such or to come home early b/c the last time he asked to attend a Sun. afternoon bday party and my ex yelled at him and cussed at him saying it was HIS wkend. and he was his father and he demanded our son go with him and stay the entire time!!!!!! My ex even admitted to yelling at him over this...........
My ex doesn't come to anything school related, none of his dr. appt or any of his counseling appts. I even made the counseling appts. at HIS request so that the time frame would work out for him to come. He came ONCE.
I've sought advice from two attorneys - one said one thing, one said the other. I don't know what my chances of winning a case would be. I would really like to have his wkend. visitation stopped. One attorney told me that I could probably win this......since distance is a factor......see he drives approx. 60 miles to our hometown to get our son then another 60 miles to pick up the other son and then approx. 120 miiles back to his hometown. My son rides for at least 3 hours every other Fri. and then if he's dropped off first on Sun. another hour.
And of course every summer is nothing but drama b/c my ex demands to have this week or that week but yet NEVER gives me notice of his visitation intent by April 1. Again, this year April 1 came and went and he gave me nothing in writing over what weeks he wanted. Last year I took the first half of summer and gave him the last. He was to have our son 5 weeks and he returned him after 10 days!!!

If anyone can give me advice I'd appreciate it.

I'd also like to add I'm not one of those custodial parents who is trying to get dad out of the picture, demand more money or anything like that. I know I could get more child support and I'm also sucking up the entire cost of private school next year b/c it was MY choice to enroll him. I've given my ex so many opportunities to be a father and he lets our son down each time. He promises to show up to this or that and never does. I've offered him extra wkends, etc. when he's not working and he doesn't want it. He brings our son home early and such on long visitations. It's like he just wants him when it's convenient for HIM and only him. It's starting to hurt our son emotionally though b/c he sees his friends getting to participate in sports and such and he can't or has to miss half. It's also affecting him in school since he thinks what the 16 year old does is OK for him to do!!!!!!

I'll take any advice I can get and if I should just get over it........well let me know. I've kept my mouth shut this long.............