NCP rights with Parenting Time

[Superdottie]

My DH shares legal custody with his ex - he is NCP.  Beyond the CO they have agreed to extend certain holidays a full weekend (vs just the day).  This year is DH's first Thanksgiving with that agreement.

BM is not disputing DH should have the kids the entire weekend per their agreement, but she found out we're taking the girls to see my family in another state.  She's now telling him she won't allow him to have the extended time unless he gives her the address of my family.  For many reasons I do not want to do this.   

My understanding has always been that if a parent has legal custody they are free to take a child out of state on their parenting time.  Let alone give an address of where they're going.  She has no real need to know the exact location of where we're staying, but she's insisting we give it to her.  DH has always been a responsible parent.

To add to it, BM contact a 'court representative.'  DH contacted the same guy to verify what he said and  told DH that yes, DH has to provide her the information.  This goes against everything I've ever heard about legal custody.  The court guy also told BM (and DH) that since I'm married to DH now, I am now 'married' to her and my information is up for grabs.

I know this could be easily settled by giving her the information, and we'll probably do that - but the point of my post is to clairfy the rights of the NCP when he/she shares legal custody.  I'd like to know what our rights are for future issues. 

Thanks.   

 

 

[ocean]

Well it goes both ways...when she takes them out of state does she tell you where they are going, address, phone number?

I would tend to go with yes,, she gets it, just like you get it. BUT for other things like taxes, NO you dont have to give that info out. I always white out my information and the bottom number. It is not her business and our state it goes by parents only so she doesnt get my info. If you were going to a hotel, you should give her that info, BOTH parents have a right to know where there children are especially when they are taken out of state.

Give her a cell number and a hotel chain close to where you are staying...you can always say you decided to stay with family...and she had number to reach you. Next time, dont tell her until AFTER you have children so this wont be an issue and she cant deny time.

[gemini3]

Just to add to what Ocean said... since it's an agreement outside the CO, she can rescind without legal consequence for whatever reason she wants to.  If you have both agreed to this new situation it should be added to the CO and signed by a judge in order for it to be enforcable.

The hotel idea is good.  She does not need your families address, just where the children will be staying.

[Superdottie]

Thanks guys.  I like the hotel idea. 

DH is calling a Parenting Coordinator on Monday to work out getting the extra time added to the CO so this won't be an issue next time.  They've both agreed to it but BM wouldn't put it in the CO.  She promised (HA HA) that she would be mature about it and to please trust her and she did go along with it for the July 4th holiday without a hitch.  We knew we'd run into snags eventually but we didn't have a choice.  I guess what's annoys me is that we've taken the girls out of town before and she didn't have a problem.  She's on a power trip knowing she can pull the extra time if we don't comply. 

DH got an email from her late last night.  Now she's saying on weekend time if the girls spend the night at grandparents etc that she must be informed.  She did say she'd do the same, but really - does that make it right?  Just because she offers information does that make it right to require it from us?  I DO understand a parent wanting to be aware of where there kids are, but doesn't DH having legal custody leave that choice to him?  The CO has a clause that BM can call girls between 8-10am on weekends, but she's only used it 3-5 times in two years.      

[gemini3]

Read the link I gave you on your other post in the state forum.  It covers all of this.

[Superdottie]

Excellent site!  Thanks.