Am I wrong?

[rn3]

I just don't know what to do.  I am soooo mad. 

So a little background.  My husband and I married earlier this year.  We are a blended family- I have two kids, he has one.  His son doesn't live with us, but he gets him at 4 pm on holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas).  Ever since we have been seriously together, we have spent holidays at his parents, with my family's holiday celebration worked in around his family's.  This consists of two Thanksgivings, and one Christmas.  Last Christmas wasn't a big deal, because my kids were with their dad. 

This Christmas they are with me, and I want to spend time with my family.  I don't want to fit my family in around their celebration.  I am not asking to not see his family.  My solution was for us to have Christmas at our house, and have both my parents and his parents/brother come over. 

His parents are refusing to do this.  They said that they are having Christmas at their house, end of story.  To which my husband says, "Can we just go over to your parent's in the morning, before we pick up my son?"

This really hurts, and really makes me mad.  I feel as though my family really doesn't matter.  And as far as doing mine in the morning, I don't want that either.  I feel like DH's son is mine too, and that we are a family all together.  My family has, from the first second, treated his son as a grandson.  The same as the other kids.  Family is huge to my family and me, and once you become part of it, however that happens, you are there forever. 

Am I wrong?  I told my husband that I may just still have it at our house.  That he can go to his parent's.  I REALLY don't want to seperate it, but I feel like if I don't stick up for myself and my family, we will be slighted forever.  What do I do?

[Kitty C.]

You switch off on holidays..............

There may not be a whole lot you can do about this holiday, but I strongly recommend that (in the future) you not try to go to both families in one day.  Because with the schedule you just mentioned, it will only get more and more difficult as the years go by.

Just a suggestion:  create a family tradition in YOUR (you and DH) family, like always spending Christmas morning at home, no matter what.  No one, not even your extended families, can fault you for that.  And even if you do hear some grumblings, ignore it.............we're talking about YOUR kids, not theirs.  Then rotate holidays with extended families, like yours on Thanksgiving and his on Christmas, then vice versa the next year.

I never have figured out why there are families who make one feel they have to make it to their house on a holiday, then you end up almost spending more time traveling then you do with family.  What's the fun and tradition in that?  We're lucky, in that both DH's family and mine are all in the same area, but if holiday celebrations just happen to fall on the same day and same time (or in close proximity of time), we only go to ONE gathering, instead of trying to overextend ourselves.  DH is one of 6 kids and it's rare that all of them and their families are together on a holiday because they also have other extended families to see and that's understood.

Have the gathering at your home and tell the in-laws, explaining that because of all the kids being together, it is that much more difficult to be so many places in such a short time, which is the truth.  If they don't understand that, after raising a family of their own, then their refusal to come to your home isn't your problem, it's theirs.  I think you also need to sit down and discuss this more with your DH, as you BOTH need to be on the same page with this or it will never work.

[rn3]

Thank you so much for your reply.  I have spoken to DH again, and he is finally with me.  His parents are coming to our house Christmas evening.  I appreciate your advice.