Withholding visitation

[msme]

Hi Kitty & all,

Here we go again. I know that CS & Visitation are 2 different issues but sometimes they cross. Pbfh has not paid 1 cent of child support in nearly 2 years. CS is figured on minimum wage in 2004, I think. She is currently thousands in arrears. Gr8dad was transferred in August of 09. He has taken them back 3 or 4 times for visitation. She has continued to cause grief, playing with their heads as usual.

The current visitation order is from when we lived near her. It gives her 3 hours a week on Saturday afternoon. 90% of the time she didn't show up for that. When we moved He started to do routine long distance visitation. They were there for Christmas. She wants them for Spring Break. She got them last years Spring Break.

Gr8dad doesn't have enough money to send them. He plans to tell her that if she sends 2 months CS, he will use it to send them. It seems more than fair to me but I don't want him to get in trouble. Her CS for 3 kids is $200 a month plus $70 towards arrearages. Pretty pathetic, huh? DGS#1 is a power lifter & it costs more than that to feed him for a month. LOL

This is the last year gr8dad has to send the 2 oldest. They will graduate HS in May. DGD got a Softball Scholarship to college & at Christmas PBFH convinced her to turn it down & move there with her after graduation. Fortunately gr8dad was able to talk sense into her after she got home.

Any info or suggestions will be greatly appreciated. We live in MS now but old order is in TX.

Hope this finds all my old friends well & enjoying their kidletts. Hugs to all.

[ocean]

You said he changed it to do long distance. Was this changed in court or just between them?

If the last thing you have on paper is the 3 hours then you will be okay BUT I would not put that in writing anywhere.

Maybe just send email stating that the last orders state xyz and that you know she would like them for spring break but finances are tight and if she is willing to buy the tickets they can go. Then it leaves it in her lap.

[bloom6372]

Does the CO say anything about who pays for transportation? If it doesn't, or if it says she has to pay for it, then he won't get in trouble for not buying the tickets. It'd be up to her.

[msme]

The CO was done in about 2002 or 2003 when she was very violent & causing all kinds of problems. It states that she gets 3 hours a week from 2 to 5 on Saturday afternoon. It was done when CPS, The kids therapist & the schooler counselor tried to get visitation stopped or at least supervised. The judge was a man hater who said, "The bonds between a mother & her child should never be broken." I guess she figured it was okay to break the kids, just not the bond. (she is no longer a judge, we weren't the only family she messed up) The original CO has not been changed in court. He just sent them.

We moved here in August of 09. She hadn't seen them in several months, even though she lived about 11 miles away. She hadn't shown up for visitation because she had kidnapped the oldest boy that previous April. Nothing big happened because she only had him for about 5 hours, when we found them  & she blamed it all on him. Said he told her to do it. That outcome is another long story.

Anyway, when he gave her notice of his transfer, all of a sudden, she became super mom. She came out to the ranch a lot & he gave her pretty liberal space because for some goofy reason the kids still love her inspite of all she has done. We have never trashed her or tried to teach the kids to hate her, even though it would have been so easy. He sent written notice offering her choice of Christmas or Thanksgiving. She didn't respond. Right after Thanksgiving, he told her since she didn't choose he would take Christmas. He told her he would bring them for spring break & he did. She pulled some sneaky crap then too, but that is another long story.

He then gave her a month this past summer. She missed 2 weeks of that, by her own choice. She arranged to have them dropped at her sisters house which is half way so that they could see their grandmother. She was supposed to arrive 2 days after we dropped them. She never showed up for 2 weeks. And then only came because her sister was screaming about having to feed them. She called gr8dad, asking for money for food. He told the sister if PBFH didn't come by that Saturday, he would come get them Sunday. She showed up Saturday night.

He sent them for this past Christmas & as I said in the first post she really messed up DGD. Things are back on track with DGD's education & he doesn't want her to get another shot at DGD. Also he said if you take the 3 hours a week & multiply it out, between Spring break, Christmas, & Summer, she has gotten all her 3 hour visits for many a year. LOL

DGD will be 19, & DGS#1 will be 18 in March. DGS#2 will be 13 in May. DGD is headed to college, inspite of significant learning disabilities & her mother. DGS#1 is seriously considering the military. Super mom is trying to convenience him to come work under the table for her boyfriend, who works under the table for his families construction company. They paid him $5 an hour one day during Christmas visit. He thought it was great, until we explained that he could make over $7 an hour working at McDonalds.

The PBFH has tried for the last 3 years to get DGD to quit school, telling her it isn't important to graduate. I guess when she was unsuccessful at that, she figured she can get her to quit college if she is away from gr8dad's influence. DGS#1 came home from Christmas talking about quitting & he is halfway through Senior year. gr8dad nipped that in the bud. DGS#2 came home talking about how school isn't important & he will quit as soon as he is old enough. We have handled that gently & just keep reinforcing good grades. Yeah, she is a real Mother alright.

Anyway, if he can avoid this visit, he will only have to send DGS#2 this summer. The only way she will see the older ones again, will be if she pays for it, or they do. Thanks again for any and all advice or suggestions.

[gemini3]

Ditto what ocean said.