help with drafting a letter, please

[gemini3]

How long after we get her should we file for primary, then? We'd want to have DH have primary before he returns to the states, otherwise, she'd go back to BM primarily and we'd have to fight all over to get her back (meaning we'd have to wait til the end of the next school year)...

I can't say, because it depends on how things go when she's there with you for the school year.  You don't really know how things will go once she's there, how BM will handle it, etc.  That's why I say focus on step 1, since you don't have what you need yet to move to step 2.

My personal feeling is that, if you fight for primary now, it probably won't be enough.  The court has no guarantee that she will improve with DH.  But, once she's over there for a while, and has shown consistent improvement - then you have some ammunition.  Plus DH will have to deal with traveling back and forth for the hearings, etc.  I also think that, if you put language in the letter about DH retaining custody if SD improves at school, BM will likely balk because she'll feel like the plan is for DH to get SD over there and never give her back.  So you don't want to risk that.  You want to smooth everything over with BM so that you can get SD over there and get her on the right track.  Once that happens, then decide what to do when DH gets orders.

I always think it's best to focus on the child's needs.  The child's immediate need is to get into a more stable situation so that her education can improve.  Getting custody changed is really your need and DH's need.  If SD comes over and improves, and DH gets orders, and SD going back to BM is imminent, then a change in custody becomes the child's need - and then you should act on it.