Moving to FL.. Need Advice!

[Dadtothe2s]

Hi all,

I currently live in northern VA, I have a 14 year old daughter from my first marriage (ex lives in NYC), and I am remarried with another 4 year old daughter. My wife has been unable to find work despite looking desperately, and my income alone cannot sustain our living in this area. Right now I make $2k a month after taxes, of which our rent alone in our tiny ghetto apartment is $1,400/month, and then I pay the ex $375 monthly, and I "make too much" to be eligible for any kind of assistance so we have basically been racking up debt and borrowing from family to put food on the table.

To make a very long and painful story short, my ex is completely unpredictable and mentally unstable. Due to this, my 14 yr old (for whom I pay the support) has been living with me usually about 3 weeks out of the month (or more), and I still pay the full support amount. Obviously we need this changed but between caring for the kids, working 50+ hours a week, and helping with my elderly grandmother, I haven't been able to find the time to locate any free legal help to modify the support order.

We have arranged everything to move down to FL at the end of April. My folks have a house there where we can live for only the cost of utilities, and I have a lot of family down there that can help us out. We just can't stay here, we are drowning.

I have no idea how long it may take me to find work, and I will have to rely on family charity to feed us as it is. My ex is allowing my 14 yr old to come with us for at least this whole upcoming summer, since she is much happier when with her Dad and her little sister. My basic question is: what can I do to put a temporary hold on child support until I find work? I am not and have never been in arrears. But I can't pay what I don't have, and this move is tapping out every dime. Since I am technically quitting my job, does it still make sense to appeal for a modification of the support order? Or, will the court only see that I walked away from a $30/k a year job (nevermind that this is an area where basic living expenses far exceed that income)?? I have decided that I will speak to my ex and basically throw myself on her mercy, promising to pay her as soon as I get a job. Yet I am dead serious when I say that the woman is mentally unstable. She could change her mind on a nasty whim and try to get me thrown in jail.

Once we get settled in Florida, the plan is to go back to court and try to get full custody. My ex falsely accused me of molesting my daughter in order to get custody in the first place, but I believe that now her story won't hold up in court. For one, my daughter is now 14, and certainly will testify that I have never acted inappropriately to her. Secondly, if I am a big bad child molester, why would the ex let my child live with me pretty much most of the time... when the ex is supposed to "supervise" once-a-month visits?? Truly, all the woman wanted from the beginning was a check.

I would appreciate any advice at all. I obviously cannot afford an attorney. What I need in the short-term is a way to suspend the child support payments just temporarily, without going to jail or having my license revoked. I can furnish the ex with a letter stating that I know I owe the money and will pay it, etc. if that will help???

Thanks for reading this. :-)

[bloom6372]

Have you been documenting the dates you've had your DD? If you have those records for 6+ months, you can show a pattern of you having primary physical of your daughter, and you can take it to Court to get primary placement through the Courts, as well as lower and possibly cut CS (unless you ex makes more, then you may be able to GET CS).

Is there anything in your CO about moves? iIf so, make sure you follow it. Also check your state laws to make sure you don't have to get Court approval.

Have you checked into WIC? It would only cover your YDD, but it will give you a few gallons of milk, dz eggs, lb of cheese, 2 loaves of bread or rice, peanut butter, fruits and veggies each month. My DH's income is similar to yours, and we qualified. You'll have to look at the guidelines online, though, because we are overseas on a military base.

[ocean]

Is the daughter going to school? In which state?
and
Where are the last set of court papers from ...NY?

[Dadtothe2s]

The last court orders were in West Virginia. There are no specifics regarding a move in the original paperwork. My ex has moved all over the place since the original order.. it is just dumb luck that she has always remained within a day's drive so I can see my daughter. She is all caught up in a strange Christian "movement" (I call it a cult) and she has mentioned many times that if the "Lord" needs her in California, she will go. So, it is only now, when my ex is behaving more like she has no use for our daughter, that I can breathe a little and not worry about her vanishing with my child.

Our 14 yr old does not attend school, she does an online homeschool program, which her mother actually pays for. That is one reason we have been continuing the support, since I feel like as long as some of the money goes to that, it is legitimately needed. Of course, my ex only pays for it because I threatened to report her to the authorities when I finally found out that my child was getting no kind of education at all. The online homeschool program costs a little less than $200/month, so I am overpaying in any case. Part of trying to get the custody order changed is also to be able to enroll her in a public school (which my daughter has expressed desire for).

To summarize my daughter's life: she has been bounced around from place to place since the divorce, has no friends, and has been socially isolated with her mom in increasingly worse mental condition. The original custody battle nearly broke me in half, and the family court judge saw right through my ex's lies and gave me full custody with NO visitation to the mother... just to be overturned on appeal. I found out much later that my lawyer had failed to file any response whatsoever to the appeal. I filed a complaint to the West Virginia Bar, but that went about nowhere. My funds ran out and I lost my kid. Long, awful story, but this last year has been SUCH an relief despite all our money troubles.. with my daughter being almost exclusively with me and my wife and youngest daughter, so we are a united family if nothing else.

Yes, I have been keeping careful track (with my own handwritten notes) about my daughter's comings and goings.. preparing for our next day in court. I'll tell you the bald truth, I don't know which I am more scared of, representing myself and botching it all up, or begging for money for a new lawyer from my family and winding up with an incompetent boob like the last one. I'd say my case is straightforward, but I have learned (bitterly) that even the most clear-cut case gets mangled in the family courts. So, I have to proceed carefully, and I may not file for a change of custody until the end of summer... when I will have no choice if I want her to start school in the fall. Is that wise... or should I move more quickly?? I must address the problem of not being able to pay child support sooner than that.... unless I take a huge risk by actually going into arrears for the summer months.

So, this might sounds dumb, but the only plan I can figure so far is to petition for a modification of child support (on my own, no lawyer) as soon as I arrive in Florida in May... and then see about going back to court regarding actual custody closer to August. By then, with a little luck, I might have a job... which would go a long way toward giving my relatives confidence in my ability to repay a loan (to cover a retainer).

Thanks for the tip regarding WIC. I will ask my wife, she went to Social Services when her unemployment ran out and I don't know what programs she applied for, but none of them would help us.

Sorry this is so convoluted... I haven't really ever told our story before, and certainly not on a forum, but I am stumped... and scared to go against the letter of the law. Thanks for reading this.