What to do?

[sillystring]

DH & his ex just mediated an agreement on Monday regarding the modification he filed. DSD gets to stay here in GA (mother has a temporary residence  here and has agreed to stay permanently) and they will keep the week on/week off schedule. DH now has final say over medical, education, and extracurricular decisions and no longer has to pay child support after June (in order to give her time to find a job). Parents are also now required to return phone calls by the end of the day since my husband has had issues with being able to talk to DSD while at her mother's.

As I've mentioned before, when my DSD was 3 she alleged that her maternal great-grandfather abused her.  All of the professionals agree that they do believe she was abused, but only one (her original therapist) believes 100% that it was the great-grandfather (after DSD was 4, she had a forensic evaluator she did say it, but that she was lying when she said it - we believe she was coached but of course can't prove it). Our lawyer felt like DH didn't have enough legal proof to get the judge to order any stipulations regarding the great-grandfather since he had also passed a polygraph. So, in order to get stipulations against the great-grandfather in the CO, my DH agreed to keep 50/50 instead of fighting for primary custody in front of the judge (which we probably could have gotten since his ex has multiple CO violations and the GAL agrees DH is the better parent and that his ex is unwilling to coparent). So now the CO says DSD cannot spend the night anywhere the great-grandfather is at or have any unsupervised contact with him.

So, DH got about 95% of what he wanted and his ex only got about 5% of what she wanted, so we feel it is a win. However, not even a day later, and other issues have already arisen. DH's ex dropped DSD off to us yesterday and she was high on pain meds (fortunately, she wasn't driving). DH knew she's had issues with pain meds in the past (nothing documented though), but thought she had gotten over it. Her mother has also had issues with pain med addictions (also undocumented). We were at our neighbor's house when she dropped DSD off. Our neighbor is a nurse who works with addicts all day long. As soon as his ex left, she pulled DH to the side and said to him, "You DO realize she was high as a kite, right?" We have NEVER said anything to her about his ex's past issues with pain meds.

Since his ex always has 'issues' (migraines, etc.), she always has a prescription for the meds, which will make it a lot harder to prove she is abusing pills again. So is there even anything we can do about this?

[Kitty C.]

There's only two things I can think of off the top of my head:

1.  If she is driving when she drops off DSD and is exhibiting the same behaviors, call the cops immediately and tell them which direction she's heading and that she just dropped off DSD.  They will pick her up in a heartbeat for OWI/DUI.

2. Short of catching her driving under the influence, you can call local LE for a welfare check while DSD is with her....but you'd have to have an idea that she may be popping pills at the time.

Bottom line is that she will have to be caught under the influence one way or the other so that it will be officially documented.

[sillystring]

Well, she seemed fine when she picked DSD up on Sunday so hopefully it was just a one-time thing... but if she does ever show up like that when she is driving then we will call the cops ASAP.

[Kitty C.]

Absolutely..........and especially if she picks up the child in that condition.  If she were to pick up the child and appear under the influence...........and you don't call the cops..........and she either gets stopped or has an accident with the child in the car, you might be charge with negligence if you knew she shouldn't drive and you still let the child go with her.  Something to think about.......