Getting my daughter...

[pw7285]

My 6-year-old daughter lives in Iowa with her mother.  My ex is single, goes to school, doesn't work and complains about EVERYTHING!  We have joint custody.  I live in AZ and have seen my daughter every 52 days on average over the last 2 years.  We talk on the phone almost every day sometimes twice.  I stay very involved with my daughters' life; I keep copies of all of her medical records from all of her Dr's because I want to know everything that is going on with her.  I have arranged to have the school send me her progress reports for obvious reasons.  I feel that I could obviously do more but being 1500 miles away you do what you can.

Periodically I have the unfortunate situation where the ex gets on the phone and just rips me a new one because she is stressed and just happens to be having a bad day.  Usually this is done with our daughter in the next room or in the room of the apartment.  During these times, and their have been a few, she says things like, "I can't do this anymore, I don't have a life, It sucks being a single mom, I have to bathe her, cut her nails, do her homework, make sure she is fed, etc...  What the ex doesn't know is the under the advisement of my lawyer I have most of these conversations recorded.

The ex is in school and does have homework everyday so I am not saying she has it easy but the message she gives me is that our daughter is really becoming a burden to her.  I have offered on 3 occasions to take our daughter until the ex finishes school.  She won't hear of it, that's not the answer.  When she needs help financially, I help her, when she needs help with schoolwork or understanding something I help her.  I pay $1100 a month for Child Support and to be honest I wouldn't care if it were higher.  The answer to all of my ex's problems is for me to quit my career, sell my home and move to Iowa.  The ex and I had a very unhealthy relationship for the first 2 years of our daughters' life.  To this day, our daughter still recalls our arguments.    This was the reason we split.

I obviously love my daughter to death but packing up and moving closer to help take care of her knowing that the ex would just want to pick fights is definitely not my idea of what is in the best interest of our daughter.  The ex is a person who is always miserable, never happy about anything, complains about everything and quite frankly nobody will ever do anything to satisfy her.  She is just that way.

My question is how bad do things have to get in order for a father to petition the courts for custody?  I'm not asking for sole but I would like to have physical custody.  The ex struggles financially as most single parents but has managed to apply for loan after loan through the school for cost of living expenses to make ends meet.  Then calls me to complain about what she had to do as if it's my fault?!?!?!?
 
What can I do, if anything, to get my daughter?

Any input is appreciated.

[scottsmanslassie]

"Try this. //www.lawyers.com

"It is the web site for Martindale-Hubble, the organization that rates lawyers nationally. Just fill in your city, state & use Family as a type. If you are in a small town, go to the closest big city. You don't want one of the good ol' boys.

Make sure you choose one who is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. Remember, you are HIRING this person. He/She is working for you. Ask lots of questions, especially, ask what percentage of their clients are father's and what their success rate is in fathers seeking custody cases. If you don't like the answers, keep looking.

This is going to cost a lot. Remember, a cheap lawyer usually turns out to be very expensive in the long run. But it sounds like you already found that out.

Document, Document, Document. That is the mantra of SPARC. Read, read, read. Educate yourself. There is so much info on this site. Come back often & learn from other's experiences. You have lots of new friends here. Post your questions & let us know how things are going."
 
                         -This is from msme on another post.


Talk to a lawyer.  In court, you have to prove that you are the best possible choice for your daughter.  If you can provide better for your daughter, have any proof of verbal abuse on your ex's part, have any proof that your daughter is not in the best placement, you'll need it.  Find out about getting a home study to show the court that you are sutible for your daughter to live with you.  A home study can cost anywhere from $1,500 to maybe even $3,000.  You'll have to contact an adoption agency to have one done.  You may be able to have the court order a home study be done for your ex.  They will go over the safty of your house, mental issues, other health issues, your financial standing....how well you can provide for your child, if you can pay your bills, what loans you are paying on, what is your cost of living, your employment record....how long you've been employed, how long do you usually keep your jobs, have you been fired, do you have athority issues at work? (the fact that she is not employed would not be good on her part) if you've had any abuse durning childhood and have you delt with it, how you handle differnt situations, your parenting style, who lives with you, do you have a child care provider, school for your child....etc.  We used Luthern Services for our home study.  You don't have to be luthern to work with them, they are an adoption agency.  We went threw the one in Waterloo, Iowa.  
      Never lose Hope, and God Bless, SJH