Parent Coordinator is eating out of BM's hand

[jbonnell55]

Our daughter is 11 months and I have had limited to no access to her for 8 months.  I attended all of the OB visits, breastfeeding classes, birthing classes, pediatrician visits, night care 3 nights a week, cleaning house and doing what needed to be done to help BM when I was not taking care of our daughter.  That all ended when our daughter was 3 months.

We are currently going through parent coordination.  BM has lied, cried and denied to manipulate the parent coordinator into thinking that I do not know how to take of our daughter and has said that I do not have the common sence to care for our daughters safety.  After 2 months of "coordinating" I have had no alone time with my daughter and now it looks like our parent coordinator is recommending the minimum time sharing plan (wednesday and every other weekend). 

Our first attempt at parent coordination was cancelled by BM.  Our first coordinator was suggesting 50-50.

BM's family is highly conflictive (verbally and physically) with any difference in opinion.  I don't believe it is our daughters best interest to be raised in a love you, hate you environment.  What should I do?  Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

[ocean]

Do you have a lawyer?
There recommendation is just that..a judge will decide.

Take a parenting class through your social service department or library. Offer joint family counseling or see if they have any programs in your area for divorcing parents and how to communicate. Take an infant and CPR class. This will show that you ready to take care of child. If you have family that has young kids, take pics of you playing with them, have them testify.

Can you ask to set up an appointment by yourself with the coordinator? Ask to have a few hours, a few nights a week to start. If mom is breastfeeding, either she can feed, then you can take baby for two hours outside her home and bring child back for the first few weeks, or she can pump into bottles for you. Tell coordinator you want to be in child's life as much as possible and will take any class she suggests. Ask for her to see child with you alone..offer to bring child to her office on your time or have mom bring child but she leaves room to show that you can handle baby.

Fight for the 50/50 and do not sign anything. Take any time offered to you and document when you asked her (do it in email/text) and get her answer in writing. Start to only communicate through text/email to prove how she is.

The closer you live to mom the better (in same school district). Even at this age, you can say that you live in same school district and close enough to do the 50/50. You can use the same daycare if needed too.

[jbonnell55]

Thanks for the reply Ocean.  I have a lawyer, attended parenting courses, CPR certified for adult, child and infant and I am looking into nuturing father classes.  I have an individual session with our coordinator but so does my ex on the same day at a time before my appt.  The individual sessions were requested by the coordinator due to me taking a stand about my ex's lies, manipulations and requesting ex to not be present during our daughters time with me.

I really would love to have the ability to co-parent with my ex.  However, I compromise and give while ex takes and accuses me of not working together.  I have documentation and witnesses of ex's behavior.  I am thinking that if parent coordination does not work court will be a definite possiblity where we can present facts and disolve the lies.

Do you have any wisdom for my individual session w/ coordinator

[MixedBag]

Be honest and calm.

Be able to back up facts with independent evidence, so that's it's not just your opinion, it's substantiated.

Don't bash the other parent directly, show how their behavior affects the situation.

Good luck!

[Kent]

Also consider becoming licensed as a foster parent.
If the state certifies that you are capable of taking care of a (foster) child, then what grounds can a judge have to say you are not capable?

Good luck!

Kent!