the whole story, help!

[aimeeb]

Hello,

   I'm new to this forum and could use some advice. But first need a bit of help deciphering some of the lingo. dh, bm,ss...  Huh? Many of the posts have been helpful to me, yet I feel they may be a bit more helpful if I could more clearly ascertain who was doing what!
   
   So, here's our story...
   My husband and i got married in December of last year. I have a son that is about to turn 5. My x and I were never married but had been friends since I was 13. We have never had a custody agreement nor any real conflicts. We share 50/50 and get along great (for the most part). My husband was peviously married and has a 10yr old daughter from that relationship. His x is also a great person & mother. They also share custody 50/50 with no real problems to speak of. She and I have actually become quite close. We do holidays together, birthdays and ocassionally we all go out to dinner togther just to chat. We all have our childrens best interest at heart. It's wonderful.
   Except... About 4yrs ago my husband met this woman at a bar. They dated for a couple of weeks. A few months later she showed back up on his door step and informed him that she was pregnant. He tried dating her again but she is a VERY difficult person to get along with. He conceded to her every request during her pregnancy and didn't date any one out of courtesy for her feelings. On April 1, 2003 she gave birth to their daughter. Yes, he attended the birth. He attempted to live with her for a coulple of months but it went horribly. At this time his (and now our) home was under extensive renovation, so he would have the mother bring the baby over to his moms house for visits or go to the mothers home. She would request fluctuating amounts of child support to which he always complied. (this is a woman you don't disagree with or else)
  The mother was attending nursing school and would let their daughter sleep over his moms house when she needed to study/work. She refused to let my husband take their child for the night in his home. She refused to give a reason.
  Once she started working he got visitation 2 days a week from 5pm-7pm (when she got out of work) and from 11-7pm on Sundays. The visitation schedule is dictated by her work schedule. It fluctuates week to week. We're glorified baby sitters really.
   When the child turned 2 she started letting him have overnights in his home. (this is when I moved in with him) They were on a random basis dependant mostly on her mood.
  We eventually got her to commit to one overnight a week. oh ya, The child has spent every friday night - saturday afternoon at her maternal grandparents house since she was a baby.
   This past november the mother informed us that we could have the child overnight x-mas eve because she had to work 7a-7p on x-mas. We were overjoyed. Then a week before x-mas we had a disagreement on where we would pick up the child. The mother got mad and told us that she was now going to have the child sleep over at her parents house instead. our x-mas visitation ammounted to 2 hours on x-mas eve. That was also all the visitation that was granted to us that entire week. 2 hours!
  Since then we have not been granted ANY overnight visitations.
  We now have a great attorney and have just started a custody evaluation. We are convinced that the mother has a dual diagnosis of narcissistic pd and histrionic pd. She is incapable of making decisions in the childs best interest. That poor little girl spends from 6:30 am - 4:30 pm at day care on the days her mother works. We pick her up and have2-3 hrs to feed her, bathe her and snuggle her before her mom gets out of work.
   We are hoping that the evaluator can see what kind of a person she is. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.