Medical neglect sufficient for change of custody?

[tpkrll]

I haven't been on here since 2004 when Soc was still around. Man was he always helpful.

Anyway, I would like people's opinions on what they would do in my case.

I am NCP of 7 year old child. Divorce final in 2005. Joint-Legal custody. I live in Pa., mother in NY.

From the very beginning since DD was born the mother has seemed to be against getting proper medical care for child. Child is not vaccinated but is in school.  I wanted the vaccs, the mother did not. The matter was not settled in court. Mother at the time said she'd wait til DD was 2-3 to get the shots. That never happened.

Mother was forced to do well-checks which she did at 1st but records show just 1 check-up since she was 3.

Prox a month ago I noticed a rash on child's torso. I am an EOW dad so I didn't get to see when it actually appeared. Fast forward 4 weeks later and when child is here rash is still present. It's not an itchy rash and does not bother the child but it's been there too long for my liking.

When I returned DD to the ex-wife this past weekend I confronted her about the rash. I asked what she thought it was. She didn't seem concerned. When I told her to have it looked at she replied "what good would that do?". Right then I knew she hadn't been taking DD to any doctors in awhile. Mom suggested it might be a "birthmark that appears later in life". Do you see what I am up against here?

Next day I called DD's Doc to find out when she last had a physical, what appts were made prior to that and if DD was scheduled for an appt. in the future.

The last physical was 1/09. This was to get into school I assume and ex's hand was likely forced here by school.

Prior to 1/09 that last visit before that was 11/07 but not for a physical (unknown)

So by 11/11 DD will have had 1 physical in 4 years and mom doesn't seem to want to take DD to Dr to have rash checked out.

The next time I have DD I have a dr. visit for myself and will take DD along to have the rash looked at.

Also, child has not been to a dentist yet and she might need braces.

So we have no vaccines, no physicals and no desire to see dr. for things like the rash and no dentist.

Mom is running amok doing things her way which I feel is not acceptable at all.

I am in the middle of gathering more info and will speak to my attorney friend when i have enough info to move forward.

I am assuming Mom will not have rash checked by Dr and I will have to be the one to do it on my dime. Mom has insurance and gets plenty of CS from me.

Over a period of 7 years Mom has shown a pattern of in my mind medical neglect and is doing things in Mom's best interest and not child's.

I am so disgusted by this that I am seriously  considering going in for change of custody. I can't let this go on.

Also, it is my opinion from observation over the years that Mom has mental issues and would likely hang herself in court (as she did previously)

Am I overreacting here?

Shouldn't physicals and dr. visits for ailments be a common sense type thing?

Has anyone ever had an issue like this and what was the outcome?

If more info is needed please ask and thanks for reading

[tigger]

Someone with more experience would have to tell you what they think but in my mind, I agree with you.  My kids have never gone without insurance starting from 1 month before they were born.  Even when I was just recently laid off, I went without it while I paid out of pocket for my son to have coverage.  (Other son aged out a few years ago.)  My ex and his wife OTOH don't have insurance on their child and the only reason the wife's son has insurance is because his dad carries it on him.  That is completely insane to me.  They have also never gone according to the court order for wife's son that states that no one shall be allowed to smoke around the son who has asthma.  Not only did my ex smoke around him all the time, the kid has take up the habit as well.

The dad got custody based on Educational and medical neglect, though the kid rebelled against his rules and moved back in with his mom recently.

[ocean]

I am in NY.
Children in school must get a physical in grades K,2,4,7,10. If they do not, they can get a free physical in school but they do not give shots. If the child is behind in shots, by the end of Sept, the school is sending letters to parents and giving a deadline or child will not be allowed to attend school. If they do that, then the school will call for medical neglect on parent.

Do you know the insurance carrier and number? Offer to take child when child is with you if she gives you the card. Is it really about a copay she can not afford in her mind?

Another option is to bring child, get bill, and have her send it to her insurance.

Dental- schools here encourage the dental visit but it is not mandatory yet.

You have joint legal so you can do the doctor/dentist appointments.

I think it would be hard to get change of custody, states away, change school IF the school does not call in medical neglect. She will say child has not been so sick and that she complied with the districts policy. Call the school and see if the school dr did the exam last time. As long as there were no shots involved, her K one could of been done in school. There are secretaries in most schools now, if you are nice they may look it up for you in the perm record since the nurse in prob not in until August.

[tpkrll]

I am in NY.
Children in school must get a physical in grades K,2,4,7,10. If they do not, they can get a free physical in school but they do not give shots. If the child is behind in shots, by the end of Sept, the school is sending letters to parents and giving a deadline or child will not be allowed to attend school. If they do that, then the school will call for medical neglect on parent.


She managed to get DD into school with a philosophical belief letter of some sort. This was done w/o my knowledge and my name or sig isn't on it. They accepted it. She's in 2nd grade next year. I couldn't believe it.

Do you know the insurance carrier?

I have asked for this many times to no avail.




Dental- schools here encourage the dental visit but it is not mandatory yet.

So it's not unusual to you that she's never been to a dentist in 7 years?

You have joint legal so you can do the doctor/dentist appointments.

Plenty of CS to pay for that isn't that what it's for?  Mom has free Health Care. As I said I intend to take her myself.

I think it would be hard to get change of custody, states away, change school IF the school does not call in medical neglect. She will say child has not been so sick and that she complied with the districts policy. Call the school and see if the school dr did the exam last time. As long as there were no shots involved, her K one could of been done in school. There are secretaries in most schools now, if you are nice they may look it up for you in the perm record since the nurse in prob not in until August.

This really isn't about school. That's not my concern. Her health is my concern. Contacting the school is a good idea though, thanks. Sadly I think she hasn't had them in school either. 


I'm a little more optimistic than u are but thank you for answering my post. Anyone else with an opinion please give.

What county are u in NY?, Ulster is what I would be dealing with.

Thanks!

[ocean]

Yes, a parent can write a letter (usually religious) that they do not believe in shots. I am in Suffolk county but that is a NYS law about the school shots. Since she gave that letter, I do not think she has to give another for grade 2.

Dentist- I ask my first graders and many of them never been to the dentist yet. It is recommended for cleanings once a year but many have not gone yet. Really that is a parent decision and not really neglect.

Maybe get the modification papers from online and ask that "father requests a copy of medical card for emergencies and for routine medical/dental care as mother refuses to give him this information" and "father requests final say in medical decisions as child is behind in shots, has not been to dentist, and recently not treated for rash".

I used the school because in order to change custody, it takes A LOTTTTTT. If the school was the one to call on the medical neglect then you would have a greater chance in getting custody because child protective services would be called.

Also, call the superintendent and ask for a copy of that letter she gave them and ask them if she used religion as a reason. I know it is very hard to get the exemption. Ask under what reason they allowed it.