Child wants to decide who she lives with

[cheriec]

I'm asking this for a friend.

She is currently living with her mom, but wants to go to live with her dad. Her mom wont allow her to move in with her dad. She has just recently turned 13 and lives in Washington state, while her father lives in Texas. She goes to visit him for a month every summer, but she wants to live with him permantly. Her and her mom dont get along very well, they fight quite often. So she was wondering what the laws were in her deciding where she wants to live. What are her rights in choosing which parent to live with.

I would appriciate it if you could tell me any of this. Thanks so much for any help your able to give.
Cherie

[MixedBag]

There are folks here from WA who will have a good clue about how the courts seem to work in their state.

Does WA still have jurisdiction over this divorce, or is that in TX?

That's the main first question to get a feel for what might happen.

And yep, there are TX folks here too.

[wendl]

If the court order is in WA State most counties their the commissioners will listen to the wishes of the child at age 12, they will not base their entire ruling on it but will take it into consideration if the child is mature enough.

If you case is in WA State what county are you in, some of us here have cases in Snohomish, King and Pierce County and may be able to help.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MixedBag]

and wendl is great!

[Bradley]

same for texas

[cheriec]

She lives in Pacific County in Washington State right now. I'm pretty sure that WA state is handeling the divorce case, but I dont know very many details for sure. She really wants to go and live with her father and is willing to do anything needed to do that. I have heard how her mother is towards her. Her mother is always asking her to do things that the mother should be doing herself. She has a lot of chores at the house, for which she doesn't get paid hardly anything for, and her mom is always complaining about this or that to do with what the daughter is doing. The mother seems to always be nagging at her, and they get in fights often. She isn't treated badly or anything, but she does want to get out of that house.

Cherie

[wendl]

I would call some attorneys is Pacific County and see what their take in on the matter.

I know in Pierce Couny and in Snohomish County in a few cases I saw the commissioner ordered the child to come into his/her chambers on a certain day to speak with the child But again I don't know much about Pacific County.

Also a very interesting site I found tonight in WA State, go look on the Fathers Issues Board under Wa State is finally getting it.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[4honor]

I am in WA. I have dealt with the courts here several times.

And I hate to tell you this, but, there is no law in WA that allows a child to choose where they want to live. HOWEVER, a judge must take into consideration a child's wishes, but if there is no SUBSTANTIAL CHANGE in CIRCUMSTANCES, then she would not be able to even get a hearing before a judge.

What that means is that if she is not being abused, her needs are being met and there are no criminal elements in her CP's home, then she is not likely to get the court to sign off on a change in custody. Another thing that might change custody is if her CP denies her time with her NCP. A third thing that might get it past the hearing threshhold is if she were a habitual runaway... always running to Daddy's in TX.

THE LAST ONE IS A BIG BIG NO NO! Do not encourage this behavior, it is dangerous and reckless.

This child is having a hard time with the responsibilities she is being handed. Responsibilities she should have as a member of a family unit. You do chores because you live in the house, not because you get paid.

And a parent is not put onthe earth to be a child's friend. They are there to guide and protect children from the behaviors that they do not have the experience to handle... being out late in certain areas dressed like certain ladies of the night is a poor decision and will lead to poor outcomes. Sometimes Dictator=Parent

It FEELS like she is being told "No!" alot, but she will see when she looks back that her parents being tough and strict was alot less like a straight-jacket-at-a-party and alot more like a bullet-proof-vest-in-a-world-of-drive-bys.

These parents are doing the best they can from the distance. This child is going through one of the most emotionally stressful times on the planet. She is too old to act like a child and too young to make her own decisions.

Thirteen sucked for me. Every chore I was handed at that age felt like my mother was ducking her responsibilities and I was made to pick them up. I was one of 6 kids. I was the oldest girl, I was the  "responsible one" so I had alot of chores.

We rarely got paid for chores -- there just wasn't enough money to take care of us and to pay us for household chores. We dirtied the dishes and clothes and bathrooms, we should get good at cleaning them. And we did. I was perfectly capable of caring for myself and others when I left home at 19. I married after age 30, so I was on my own many years. I have never been back to living with my parents and I was ahead of the curve when i joined the Army in 1994.

If this child truly wants to get out of Mom's home, then she needs to step up and stop acting like a petulant child full of pouty attitude about  household chores (those never ending boring things) and start acting like she is mature enough to make wise decisions. She needs to show through her actions that the decision to move to Dad's is a well thought out, reasonable move, not just a kid running away from a parent who is trying to instill some character and competence.  Besides, the change in attitude may encourage Mom to agree to the change in residence. It worked for my nephew at age 16. It could work for her too.