mother left state delivered baby in vegas. sworn to keep child from me

[robzoller]

The baby's mom left calif. and promised to keep child from me. As far as i know i don't have any custody. Only named as father on birth cert. I moved in with her again and lived as a family for a year. A new fight ensued and she called the police and demanded I get out and forget the child. The baby, now two, and I bonded and I fell in love with her.I supported the family along with the mom while there. Now I am in Calif. and want to know what I can do from here to get equal custody and visitation. She has gone into hiding again and now i cant even call. I am not working and cant afford to hire a Vegas attorney and dont know how many times i will be able to travel to attend court and resolve this. What kind of custody should I sue her for? Can I expect 50% with her and 50% with me? what will the Vegas judge most likely grant based on my circumstance? I don't want to wait till I find good work, get better established etc etc. I have procrastinated too long now.

[Simplydad]

1. Your rights as a parent can't be taken away from you for any reason unless you agree to it.  There are some exceptions but thesre are caused by very severe issues such as child abuse and domestic violence just to name a couple.  So you should be able to get joint custody without a problem but keep in mind this does not mean a 50/50 custody split. Joint custody normally means you have every legal right as the mother to make decisions for the child.  Custody is another matter.

2. Since you live in a differnt state I think there is  zero chance of you getting 50/50 custody. I don't think there is a court that will allow it.  Living in the same area is even difficult to get a 50/50 split in custody.  For something like that you are definately going to need a lawyer. Otherwise it will more than likely be a standard visitation plan. 

3. Also, she has to meet a certain residency requirement before she can do any filings in Las Vegas.  If it has not been long since she moved and California is her legal residence right now then I suggest that you file right away for custody where you are living.  She will have to come to California for all the hearings on the matter.  You can do all of this yourself with just a filing fee. I am not familiar with California Family Law.  You also my quaily for legal aid if you are not working right now.  In any case you need to file before she does and need to do so before she meets the residency requirements for Nevada.

[Andrew_S]

The baby's mom left calif. and promised to keep child from me. As far as i know i don't have any custody. Only named as father on birth cert. I moved in with her again and lived as a family for a year. A new fight ensued and she called the police and demanded I get out and forget the child. The baby, now two, and I bonded and I fell in love with her.I supported the family along with the mom while there. Now I am in Calif. and want to know what I can do from here to get equal custody and visitation. She has gone into hiding again and now i cant even call. I am not working and cant afford to hire a Vegas attorney and dont know how many times i will be able to travel to attend court and resolve this. What kind of custody should I sue her for? Can I expect 50% with her and 50% with me? what will the Vegas judge most likely grant based on my circumstance? I don't want to wait till I find good work, get better established etc etc. I have procrastinated too long now.

In WI, MA, CO, MN and quite a few others, unmarried dads tend to get a raw deal, the laws regarding unmarried dads vary by state and what is commonly practiced by attorneys/Judges in that county and by state policy. You would have to check the laws of your state thoroughly to see what applies in your case, more importantly how the law is applied but do find or seek out a few dads in your state similarly situated to your position, check out their paperwork, their views and what they got.  Fathers groups or pro active fathers rights activists are few and far between, but can be helpful for support.   However in your case when the police were called were you charged ? with anything ?  was a police record of violence or some form of abuse recorded or alleged ? even if it is only an accusation don't ignore it, the courts will rely on it? One of the most common tactics to remove possibilities of shared parenting are false accusations, which unfortunately will in domestic civil and divorce courts allow them or your exGF/spouse to beat you about the head with it's version of facts until you give in to whatever the court see's as appropriate and follow their case plan.  A GAL will often be appointed to direct the court and legal argument on behalf of the judge.   The other tactic of course is universal which is the length of time which you are separated from seeing the child, again another argument the court will offer.  Establishment which is the primary goal of gaining custody.  It does not matter how the mother or the system achieves this, the period of separation triggers a few more professional court 'helpers' to be involved and a few more hurdles for you to jump through to get to see the child.  Your biggest problem of course is preventing her moving again with the child even after you have secured any form of visitation, she need simply take up residence of any state or county for the period of about thirty days and there is very little you can do to stop it or even know about it in most cases, other than follow the court that has taken jurisdiction of the child and mother.  Your best bet is to hope she finds a nest with someone she likes to be around and offer stability for the child for at least a couple of years.  One of your major obstacles of course is going to be litigation, discovery and money.  You need to learn the format and procedure for what you wish to achieve.  If you are paying CS which is generally the only thing the state will be interested in, then you are doing your job and anything else you want to achieve will be considered a nuisance to the courts and they generally don't like you flying your own court case.  Throw your emotions out of the window on this one and be as clear as possible on what you want to happen and how it is possible to do it.  The only cases of mothers sharing is if they want to, and the few cases where dad's have got the kids is if the Dad outlaw the mom at her own loaded court game, or she does not want the kids and voluntarily gives them to the dad.  If she gives them to anyone else or adopts them out and you are not timely informed, then unfortunately again there is not much you can do.   Even if you are the dad, the most common tactic to use by franchised state agencies, including the legal system is to send information to your last or any known address you have lived at, by the time you get the letter or notice if ever, again too late to fight the bureaucratic rules.  The easiest way of course is to try and work with the mother which often may mean paying for things that she wants on top of child support, those are usually good incentives to keep her in a good mood and willing to share.