New York - Positive Forensic Evaluation + Negative Lawyer = ???

[ladiva23]

The judge is a HE

Visitation - Yes, from the beginning, with the exception of the first week.  He granted supervised visitation with me being the supervisor.  This went on from December until March of this year, because bio-mom was coaching kids to tell everyone my DH "looks at them when they're in the bath and touch them in their privates."  ACS took forever to disclose the closed and unsubstantiated report, so that's why it took so long for judge to recommend unsupervised visitation.  Now since May, DH has had unsupervised visits but no overnights.  We just came back from court last week and judge gave us the original court visitation order with all the extras until next court date which is next week.

The next court date is the trial. I'm, well, we're both nervous and we think about what will happen a lot.  I will have my DH ask lawyer how to get certified copies of police reports she made against us, as well as some of the police reports that we've made when she refused visitation.  Thanks for the heads up.

[ladiva23]

BTW you've been very helpful, I've purchased five months before the allegations, No More Baby Mama Drama, Closing the Curtain on Baby Mama Drama, No One's the B***ch about effective step-parenting, and none of it has worked. 

The books have helped me ignore the PAS that the mother wages on the kids against us.  I say ignore, because it I used to get riled up if the kids say "My mom said you're fat and ugly and we're not supposed to play with you."

There's more stuff, but its just too much.  I can't wait to meet with the lawyer tomorrow!

[ocean]

We got to the point now that we laugh about our PB. She just needs drama in her life. We have stopped all contact for over 2 years and she still tries to pull things in order for my dh to contact her. We do not play into her games anymore. Ignore everything unless there is a question that must be answered about kids and then do it by text/email and ignore again.

With the kids comments, just say "sometimes when mommys and daddys do not live together anymore, they are angry for a little while. I love you and we have fun here and that is all that matters to me" then change the subject. After a few times the kids hopefully will be able to rely on you and just ignore what their mother is feeding them. Remember they have to live with her full time and play by her rules while there. So they may need an hour down time when they get to you to feel comfortable. We saw this with skids...and right before they went home they would get very quiet, knowing they were going home to her and get questioned and the fighting would start (when PB would start calling and leaving nasty messages of all the wrong things that happened during our visit).

Ignore and laugh that all she has is to make your life miserable...(if you allow her). She wants a fight. Just stick to the court order and repeat once or twice what it says and ignore ...and document. Never pick up phone, everything to email/text for proof.

[ladiva23]

Side note:

I did have to call her the other day, because SD kept saying "You can't see my privacy." -BTW such a stupid word for a vagina, already conditioning the girls to think its a dirty thing and putting this fear of everyone is going to want to touch you in the "privacy" because that's the lie I made up about your father.

Finally, when SD told the cat about not looking at her "privacy" - she had on panties, just no pants. I asked her "who told you to say that?"

She of course says: My mom.

I immediately call bio-mom and say "please tell your daughter what you meant when you so obviously and very recently told her that no one at MY house can touch her on her chest or vagina?" 

Its' very overwhelming... I've been typing up incidents and mailing them to the lawyer, should I do this as well?

[ocean]

Do not call Mom for ANY reason (except an ER visit).
If child says things, make it right and move on... ex: "what mom meant was that girls have private areas where people do not touch unless it is your parents or doctor. We do not talk to our cats/animals about this". If you have access to her dr, she can talk to her too down the road. By you calling, just made her know daughter is saying things and now she will grill her and twist things around again. Keep things in your house unless it is an emergency until things calm down after trial.

Just out of curiosity ...what did mom say to you???

Keep all your documentation in a neat binder. I had mine color coded and ready for any question. I would NOT keep sending things to lawyer because everything send he charges you for. You will go through your retainer very fast. Keep it and I made a second binder for lawyer of things I thought he needed and made easy color charts about visit denials...etc...

Also ask lawyer if you can be in room while others are testifying so you can pull out other info. He may have to call you first as most times you are not allowed in unless you are testifying or already testified.

[ladiva23]

 

Just out of curiosity ...what did mom say to you???

Keep all your documentation in a neat binder. I had mine color coded and ready for any question. I would NOT keep sending things to lawyer because everything send he charges you for. You will go through your retainer very fast. Keep it and I made a second binder for lawyer of things I thought he needed and made easy color charts about visit denials...etc...

Also ask lawyer if you can be in room while others are testifying so you can pull out other info. He may have to call you first as most times you are not allowed in unless you are testifying or already testified.

- I had her on speaker, and she was like "SD why do you keep saying that over and over again?" SD was like "Because you said... " so she gave some convoluted explanation about that's not what she meant... stepmom is allowed to change you, and you're going to hurt peoples feelings if you keep saying things like that."

She asked to speak with me, and seemed embarrassed that she was exposed.  W/E, she said sorry and to call her again if I had a problem.

This is what she likes, to be in control of things that go on at our house.  She's only nice when we give her an all access pass so to speak.

I want to do parallel parenting, so we're meeting the lawyer in 15, I'll update you later Ocean.

Thanks a mil!