New to this...filing motion for 1st time, appreciate insights

[loren1983]

My husband has joint custody (not physical) of his 12yr old son "T" and has always been a very loving, involved, responsible parent.  He currently has the std every other weekend plus alternate holiday visitation.  We have a very sensitive relationship with his exwife, who does all she can to restrict additional parenting time, but spends no time with "T" when she has him.  

We are now in a position where our schedules allow us to spend much more time with him and are filing a motion to increase parenting time this week. We are asking to have him 50% of the time, not only because we love him and want to spend more time with him, but also because we have many concerns about his current care.   We realize we may not get 50% (although I can't imagine why not as we have no negative issues that could be raised about us) .

We are planning to keep the information requesting additional parenting time (and modification of support accordingly) very vague, as the exwife will already be hopping mad at the motion, but have very specific concerns to present at the motion.  We've never filed any motion before, so any advice you can give us based on our situation would be greatly appreciated.

We currently pay a specific amount for general support for "T" and another $200 per month for "daycare" although he is 12 yrs old and will be in 7th grade in the Fall. His mother hasn't worked a traditional job in 6 yrs, instead, does cleaning jobs, painting, and crafts on her own.  "T" is frequently brought along to these cleaning jobs and put to work.

Here's the list of requests and concerns we have that we will bring up at the motion:
_________________________
Request 1 = We would like Right of First Refusal for any/all daycare needs "T" may have, with Daycare Support adjusted accordingly

Request 2 = We would like to have "T" 50% of the time. We live 5 miles away from his house, and no school/friend issues would be affected. Proposed agreement would be every other week custody.
__________________________
CONCERNS

Obviously, we love him and want to spend more time with him. We've requested an additional weekday to his mother, as well as requests for special family outings, and have always been denied.  


NOTE- EVERY weekend that we do not have "T" and most every day in the Summer, "T" is sent to his maternal grandparents house, and spends virtually no time at his own home.  

1. We are never consulted on any issues affecting "T's" health and well being.  We find out far after the fact about injuries, illnesses, etc. And we know that despite the fact that we've always had full medical/dental coverage for him, his mother rarely takes him to the Dr as she doesn't want to pay the copay.  He has terrible allergies and she won't take him in, and when she does, she gets samples only and he brings outdated samples with him on our weekends.  We recently found that he has never been to the dentist before. We took him in.  He also never gets a physical.

2. "T" continues to do very poorly in school. We all attend his conferences regularly, and he still gets many Ds and Fs.  At the beginning of the yr, he was tested at the 3rd and 4th grade reading comprehension level and was sent to a special class.  At a recent year end PT conference, we were told he did not engage, and still reads at the 3rd gd level.  He will be in 7th grade this Fall.  His mother has been made aware of this frequently and still, his grades decline, and he gets no help or encouragement with school work at his house.  

3. "T" is not only allowed to, but encouraged to ride 100cc-230cc motorcycles by himself (he just turned 12) and with his same-aged friends, for hours unsupervised, including daredevil stunts up and down steep hills and jumps.   His mother's live-in bf teases him that his 100cc bike is "a sissy bike" and wants to get him a 200+cc.  In MI., any vehicle over 50cc is a motorcycle, and you must be 15 with a permit AND accompanied by a licensed adult to legally ride until age 16.  This is a daily, primary activity for him, to ride alone or with a friend in the woods.  We are very concerned for his safety.  He recently got into a bad accident, and showed us pictures (proudly!?) that he took with his camera phone that we got him just for this reason (safety). He crashed his bike, had huge bruises on his neck and arm and was never taken in for any medical attention.  We were not told about this until he showed/told us later that week.

4. "T" is literally raising himself.  After school, he goes out with friends and on weekends/all vacations is sent to his elderly grandparents who are very kind to him, but cannot supervise him due to health issues.  He's just "let loose" until nightfall. He is receiving no parental guidance or teachings in values, responsibilities, and no assistance with school/learning.  We only have him 4 days a month, which is not enough time to impact his education and instill core values.  He receives little to no medical attention, and is at risk physically from being allowed to ride motorcycles illegally.

Any input would be great.  We're getting all his school records, medical records, have the pictures of his recent injuries that we were not even told about, and have the MI. legal statutes regarding the illegality of him riding motorcycles.  We KNOW his mother and BF are aware that this is illegal (not to mention unsafe) as they both ride cycles as a lifestyle.


Thanks so much.

MICHIGAN DAD (his wife)

[ocean]

For the daycare issue...Does he go at all to a center/after-school program? Here is stops at 12 years old so you may be able to eliminate that just from a note from the program stating he is too old to keep going (or if he is showing up at all).
What does son want? At 12, he may have a say in all of this.
You need to state exactly what you want brought up at the hearing and that is all they allow to be considered so put everything down.
Change of custody is a hard thing to do...it will be a battle if BM does not agree. Maybe you can ask her to increase time on school days/after-school? Good luck!

[loren1983]

Thanks so much for your comments... "T" does not go to any daycare nor any after school program. He has never received any daycare short of some Summer daycare --which means he stays at his grandmothers who doesn't receive pay.   He does like to go there though, as that is where he is allowed to ride his motorcycle illegally all day without supervision.  

I think he'd like to live with us part time...we spend a lot of time with him, talking to him, doing activities together, etc...and he seems to enjoy the one on one attention.  

Unfortunately, every time we ask his BM if we can see him one day during the week, or any additional time, she refuses. No reasons given, she just doesn't want him to spend more time with us.  That's what is so hard, as she spends virtually no time at all with him and opts to send him away when he's on "her time."  Its sad.

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

If everything you outline is true, and if your home is adequate or better, I think you have a good shot at getting at LEAST 50% time.  I suggest that you may wish to file for more.

It's important to know how to get solid evidence to demonstrate everything you're saying.

The school stuff is very important.  If you can get a teacher to write a declaration about his poor performance and link it back to failure to study (i.e., not limited intelligence), that helps.  Consistently getting Ds and Fs isn't acceptable.

The motorcycle thing doesn't need to be as complex as you explain.  "Here's the law, here's evidence of this child handling a motorcycle unsupervised time and time again.  He's even gotten hurt, with no action by the mother to curtail it."

The dentist thing is irrelevant unless he had major dental issues that went unchecked.  Got proof?

The doctor thing is irrelevant unless there are significant health issues that are not being addressed by the mother.  Got proof?

The unsupervised thing is relevant if it happens routinely and if you can show how it harms him.  To me, 12 years old may be old enough to handle afterschool time until mom comes home (but it can certainly be tied to not using the time to study).

It'd be very helpful for you to have an experienced attorney on this.  There are plenty of good books out there on how to put together your case.

Good luck.

[loren1983]

THANKS so much for the insight.  Yes, everything is 100% accurate...


As for the health issues, we're certain he has specific allergies as he is constantly on OTC allergy meds and even had to use inhalers last year, but his BM's willingness to take him in to the Dr is low as she doesn't want to pay the copay.  We've asked multiple times about getting him tested for allergies and she keeps saying she was thinking about it but never does.  What if we get his medical records showing a history of allergy/breathing problems from his pediatrician and then take him ourselves to an allergist?  We are pretty sure he's allergic to smoke, as his mom and live-in BF smoke like there's no tomorrow, as do all of their friends and family.  His mom will tell us that he's had a hard time breathing/allergies when we pick him up for the weekend, and as soon as he gets to our house he's perfectly fine, no symptoms at all.  

We're planning on getting his entire school records, including the test from the beginning of this year that compares reading performance after he went to a special class to the end of the year.  I attended his last (recent) school conference, (his bio mom was there too) and I specifically asked if he has improved at all and they sent us to the reading teacher.  I had a hand held tape recorder on the whole time in plain sight, under the auspices of "Tyler's dad couldn't get off work so I'm taping the conference for him."  On that tape, the reading specialist specifically said that "T" just didn't engage...that she thinks he could definitely do better, but he just checks out and doesn't pay attention.  His bio-mom blamed it on the fact that the class was first thing in the morning and he "isn't very awake then."  

The supervision issue itself actually has us most concerned. Not only from a safety standpoint, as I agree, 12 is not a baby...it's just that he literally has no adult interaction, guidance, consult at all.  

As a result, it's clear he has little grasp on the basics of responsibility, respect, rules/the law, and overall values.  He's just allowed to do whatever he wants on his own at all times when not in school.  He is literally encouraged to dirt bike on his own all the time, and that's his major activity outside of school.  We even got a cell phone for him as he is out in the woods and jumping gravel pits (illegally trespassing on a jobsite, which his entire family knows and condones) all day with no supervision.  I do have some good pictures of a huge bruise on his throat and arm from his last accident (last week) that he took himself as he was "proud" of them.

I'm now fretting over the wording that I put on the motion for increased parenting time...they only give you a few lines to state WHAT HAS CHANGED since the original parenting time order that has caused us to request more time.  Realistically, my husband FINALLY got off 2nd shift after 14 years and is now available at the same time "T" is and of course, he remarried me, and I'm now home 24/7 too.  But, I've heard that you should not use the explanation of your work hours changing as it may seem that he didn't care enough previously to make the change sooner.    I'm also wary of stating outright that the reason we want increased time is that "T" has developed significant academic and general quality of life issues that we cannot help him with in the short time of 2 weekends per month."  It's the truth, but a copy of this motion will go to his bio-mom and I don't want to set off any specific red flags that she can do damage control on prior to the hearing...she can be very sneaky.

I wish we did have the funds for a lawyer right now. I know of a good one, but we just did taxes and owe a huge amount due to my loss of job last year and honestly can't swing it.  

Thanks again so much for your comments.

L

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

If not hiring an attorney, consider consulting with one, explaining your situation, and requesting if you can pay the person on an hourly basis to meet with you and skim your pleadings.

When I was first starting out on my own, this is what I did with my prior attorney.  I had a good relationship with her, and she was happy to meet with me an hour at a time, every month or two, to help me out (and I'd just write her a check for each hourly meeting).

If you don't file things correctly, an opposing attorney can easily argue against it and get it tossed.

E.g., on the form you're discussing (where it only has a tiny bit of space), it's probably standard practice to write, "See attachment ABC" where you lay out your case.  But only an attorney can help you fill out the forms correctly.

The changing of Dad's work shift isn't a change in the child's life.  However, it's certainly worthwhile to point out, "The father's work schedule is... so the father is available to care for the child and help get him back on track."

Your schedule is irrelevant.  You're not a parent in this action.

You're not out to "convict" the mother.

You just want to make the overall argument, "This child is not doing well, as seen in evidence-based reasons A, B, C.  These very serious issues have been going on for a long time with no apparent resolution.  The father is extremely concerned and wants the ability to resolve these serious issues by changing the parenting plan in with details of..."

Then, the mother will respond as to why there's no need to change it.  She will have to come up with good reasons why he's failing school (if you have evidence of it), why he's dirt-biking on his own (if you have evidence of it), why he's unsupervised so much (if you have evidence of it), and why his medical issues aren't being addressed (if you have evidence of it).

If she comes back with things like, "Well, that class is early in the morning when he's tired" or "All the kids ride dirt-bikes around here"; then I imagine your husband will prevail... so long as you present your case well and file everything correctly.

[loren1983]

Thanks again for the wise words. I'm going to call the attorney to see if she'll do this with us tomorrow.  

Pardon my ignorance please, but the paperwork I picked up from FOC is a Motion to Modify Parenting time.  As I mentioned, they do ask "Since the intial order, what circumstances have changed?" (reason we're asking for more time).  

Is it correct to:

A. Fill that in with a vague answer, like " T has significant educational and general quality of life issues that I cannot postively impact in the 2 weekends per month that I have him," and  assume that our specific reasons, concerns will be reviewed in person at the hearing?

OR

Do we have to be specific in the Motion to Modify form about precise concerns PRIOR to the hearing?  I just don't want to have this piece of paper trigger WW3, as his mom is already going to go ballistic that we're asking for more time.  If we bring up specific issues she is going to react very very badly.  

THANKS

L

[DecentDad]

It all happens on paper, then some discussion at the hearing.

[loren1983]

REALLY!?!

Does that mean that we need to include all of our proof as attachments?  I assumed that the actual paper motion itself was a pre-cursor to the "meat" of the reasons.  

That is, that my husband can simply state the reason for the motion to modify is that "My son has developed significant educational and quality of life issues that need much more attention and care than can be provided in the 2 weekends per month I currently have him." and that the actual content/reasons/issues we have would be discussed and reviewed with the proof at the hearing.

THANK YOU!