Living abroad currently, want to return to US and file. Questions please...

[United]

My husband, myself and our daughter (12) have been living abroad for the past 6 months due to my husbands 2 year job assignment.

Marriage was very rocky before the move, however I was hopeful the new environment might help.  Sold the house, put everything else in storage and moved. The marriage has worsened to the point where I would like to return to US.  Daughter does not know I am considering this, but has asked if we could "go home early" and has mentioned that "Dad seems mad all the time and it's kinda scary".   She loves her Dad very much, and he loves her.  There is no physical abuse, but he can be bullying and controlling, and you never really know what will set it off.  We tried counseling for many years, however, no significant improvement for any length of time.

My thought was to allow her to finish the school year and return then. If I return and file, I assume that I would file in the state (CA) and county were we previously lived for 15 years?  This is where we would reside on return.

As husband would still be living out of the country for another year, would my daughter be obligated to fly alone to visit? 

Would filing while husband is still abroad provide any advantages for me (custody issues, etc.) or might this be viewed by the court negatively?

Any advise would be appreciated. 

Thank you very much.

[bloom6372]

Yes, you would file in the state where you are a resident, so the last place you lived is where you would file.

If you are the one to move and create the distance, you may be required to provide DD's transportation. At her age, she is legally allowed to fly unaccompanied, so if he ends up paying he may fly her that way. How much longer is he going to be there for after you move?

Filing while he is abroad won't give you any benefits other than you would file where you move to rather than having to file where you all currently live (for instance, if you had been living in another state instead of another country, you would have to file there). Depending on the judge, and the situation, it may be frowned upon. My DH is military and we are overseas in Japan, and his ex filed a case and she was scolded for it. But that's not always how it will happen (his ex was trying to prevent visitation while he is overseas).

Is there any way that the two of you can work out a parenting plan yourselves for your daughter? And can you meet with a mediator for the divorce issues? If the two of you can solve this on your own, it will be better for your daughter. You have a few months now that you two will be there together if you are waiting til the end of the school year, so can you all sit down and discuss the important stuff?

[United]

Yes, you would file in the state where you are a resident, so the last place you lived is where you would file.

If you are the one to move and create the distance, you may be required to provide DD's transportation. At her age, she is legally allowed to fly unaccompanied, so if he ends up paying he may fly her that way. How much longer is he going to be there for after you move?

Filing while he is abroad won't give you any benefits other than you would file where you move to rather than having to file where you all currently live (for instance, if you had been living in another state instead of another country, you would have to file there). Depending on the judge, and the situation, it may be frowned upon. My DH is military and we are overseas in Japan, and his ex filed a case and she was scolded for it. But that's not always how it will happen (his ex was trying to prevent visitation while he is overseas).

Is there any way that the two of you can work out a parenting plan yourselves for your daughter? And can you meet with a mediator for the divorce issues? If the two of you can solve this on your own, it will be better for your daughter. You have a few months now that you two will be there together if you are waiting til the end of the school year, so can you all sit down and discuss the important stuff?

Thank you for your input.  I realize the timing is bad.  He would be required to be here another year if we left next summer.  I suppose if worse came to worse we could just agree to live in the same house here, just kind of separately?  I don't know if that ever really works for people, but you never know.   I suppose another option might be to agree to separate for that year but not file? 

I don't want to put DD in a situation where she is required to fly alone to a foreign country.  Especially in this political climate. These are difficult situations, but ultimately I do not want her to pay the price for our incompatibility.  Maybe it would be better waiting, more waiting, but that might be the best in the long run.

[MixedBag]

are you guys "military" or not?

Because that changes some of the answers.

[United]

are you guys "military" or not?

Because that changes some of the answers.

Nope.  Not military.  The job situation was a voluntary one.

[MixedBag]

so more like a contractor working abroad -- and I don't think they have rights that protect them by military law.

The other thing to consider -- if daughter went to see him, does he have that much vacation or is there a support system -- so that day care is provided and stuff?