Can I tell you I just cried when I found this site...FINALLY!!!

[Divorced Diva]

I have been going through this process now for 3 years, divorced for 2 years and lost custody of my 2 children 6 months ago.  I have been searching and searching for not only help but other moms like me going thru the same thing cause NOBODY I know has gone thru this before.

I'm in NY...anyone else??

Well here's the jist of my story...

Married for 8 years and two children was a stay at home mom and ran a very successful daycare.  When I wanted a divorce Dad willingly moved out of home for 10 weeks, got an attorney and then moved back in when he realized I really wasn't taking him back this time.  He filed for divorce first because he had money for his attorney (which he borrowed from his 401 illegally and against court order) and I basically gave up EVERYTHING for him to sign off on joint custody and NO SUPPORT whatsoever.

This was for a year and he did EVERYTHING nasty and pure evil to me and to the kids, as a matter of fact his words were "Your punishment will be losing the only thing that matters to you..the kids", like calling in so many cps reports on me in wasn't even funny, calling cops on me, eraing my infor from school records, making appointment for kids and not notifying me or switching thier doctor all together and refusing to tell me, calling me unfit because our daughter had 2 yeast infections over the course of 1 year, making me lose one job and trying to do it again at the second job and repeadetly violating custody agreement.

Next thing I know I'm being served again and he is seeking full custody.  I was never proven UNFIT but he still got custody..judge said that because I missed appointments I acted like a non custodial parent and that becasue relations between ex and I are so bad (well yeah when they abuse you) that he would be the better parent to facilitate a relationship between children and me (what a joke).

Since then (6 months) he has continued to be worse, violate, not let me see or speak to kids or without serious threats, and now threatenes me all the time if I don't do what he says he'll keep taking me back to court and this time I'll only get supervised visits.

I'm in the process of both violating him and appealing custody order but funds is always an issue for me.  He by no means is rich, but he seems to just have enough to keep taking me back to court, and I'm not even doing anything wrong nor violating anything.

Needless to say I'm exhausted and this has only just begun...I will take all the wisdom, experience, advice..anything anyone has to offer.  I need help and I want to do the best I can for my kids!!

Very Sincerely...

Divorced Diva

[ocean]

What was the reasoning for the supervised visits?
Joint physical custody is usually not given in NY by a judge if parents can not communicate. If dad showed that the kids were not going to doctors and the parents were playing games, judge needed to pick one for custody.
Something else is going on here....NY is not father friendly so the courts saw something to get to that point..especially supervised? Is there an open CPS case now? Did you do the things CPS asked? I know CPS is VERY VERY slow here and you need to do everything on their list or you will not get off supervised visits.

[Divorced Diva]

Thank you for your reply.  I dont have supervised visits he just threatens me that he will take me to court next for that.

Currently I have them ebery other weekend, vacations and holidays alternate..."quite favorable" amount of time..so I'm told

I was indicated 1 time for unsupervised time out..they said I cant put him in time out and walk away for a few minutes..kids were 5 and 4 at the time.  I personally didn't think I was really doing anything wrong but if they said it was wrong I stopped.  He has since then filed 4 more and they have all come back unfounded.

I too was shocked that he got custody, after all the things he openly admitted to doing, the children's law guardian agreeing with me to dismiss the case, none of his witnesses proving anything, a lincoln hearing with the kids and them saying they want to live with both parents, and still the "judges" hand were tied and he had to make a decision and so he based it on the fact that dad took kids to appointments that year and mom didnt and they dont get along.

[Spaceman1982]

What was the reasoning for the supervised visits?
Joint physical custody is usually not given in NY by a judge if parents can not communicate. If dad showed that the kids were not going to doctors and the parents were playing games, judge needed to pick one for custody.
Something else is going on here....NY is not father friendly so the courts saw something to get to that point..especially supervised? Is there an open CPS case now? Did you do the things CPS asked? I know CPS is VERY VERY slow here and you need to do everything on their list or you will not get off supervised visits.

think it could have been he was lawyered up and she wasnt??