don't know what to do??

[stephani]

here is my problem..my ex has custody of our 15 year old daughter and we decide to allow her to make the decision of staying in Virginia with her father or moving with me to the state Maryland, anyway I haven't really seen her sense I got married back in 2009, to make a long story short my ex has decided to ask me if I am willing to voluntarily give up my parental rights to my daughter..I am so confused on what to do, we do have joint custody, but the famous last words are that I am the non-custodial parent in all of this I am just at a loss as to what to do??? I just need someone to talk to about all of this I have never been though this kind of thing before....

[neutron11]

Why haven't seen your daughter since 2009? Why would you give up your parental rights? Your daughter needs you, and you are her mother no matter how difficult the relationship is  but unless you give more information. it will be difficult to give you advise.

[stephani]

She decided that she didn't want to see me, her problem is that I don't have the kind of money that he has or that his mother has and she got mad at me because I couldn't afford to buy her the things that she wanted and now my new husband and I have a new baby and she is really mad at me because my attention isn't all on her anymore, she really began to give all of us problems when she found out that my husband had 3 children of his own and that we would become a blended family ever sense then she just doesn't want to speak to me. My ex keeps after me about signing the papers and I don't want too but he threatens me that he will take me to court and make me sign them that way, when I ask him why he wants them signed he changes the subject to something else and we never get back to it. My main concern is my daughter I have no idea what has been going on with her and he want tell me it's always ask her but how am I supposed to ask her when she want speak to me..I will not give up on her but if she has given up on me what am I supposed to do??

[ocean]

Is there a step-mom there that wants to adopt? Could be the reason...

A judge usually will not allow a parent to sign over rights unless there is a step-parent ready to adopt and take responsibility. If you give up your rights then the money stops too.

You can call up her high school and get an online code to see her attendance, grades, records. Many schools have that now. If not, get on their mailing list for a copy of report cards and anything that gets sent home to dad's house. Send her letters in the mail that you will always be her mother and that you are happy that she is happy at her dad's but you do not want to give up on your relationship. Give her your cell phone number to text, and make a facebook and maybe she will add you.

Look at it from her point of view, she had to choose between her parents and when she chose dad, you moved very far away with your new family then had another baby. All without her being there. The time to have court ordered visitation should of come when you moved. Now that she is 15, a court will let her decide for the most part. You deserve to be happy too but do not give up on her. That alone would be another betrayal that she will have to deal with.

Maybe ask your ex to see your daughter and hear it from her the reasons she wants this. How far away driving are you? Maybe make a few counseling sessions with her and make the trip there. Does she talk to you at all or have any type of access?