Please give advice! Need help!

[Faith023]

I am a newly single mother (we were never married) whose pretty much been one the entire time.
When I first got pregnant her father was depressed of the fact and drinking all the time (had substance abuse in the start of our relationship which we worked on together) But he began drinking again once he found out- literally sometimes starting at 10 a.m. He also has anger issues which have led to him shoving me in a wall once when it was combined with his drinking.

We stayed together as I was hoping maybe when the baby was born he would wake up.

Well he didnt..
He was drunk every day after she was born, sleeping until 2 p.m. and drinking until 4 a.m.
Says he was "staying up with her" but even when I was deathly sick because I had left over "stuff" from teh birth still inside me trying to get out- I was the one taking care of her, he couldn't go longer then 20 minutes. After I had the surgery I was the one taking care of her and he was drinking-reading comic books- or disrespecting me or my family. He also slept through her crying. Even when seh was crying because he fell asleep with her on his lap and his hand on her face.. I was heartbroken that he couldn't spend over 3 hours with her and was back into drinking and not stopping.

When he left to work he was saying he was working while he was at the bar getting wasted and hit in the face by a DJ because he was starting things.

In my eyes this was becoming to much- he was yelling at me all the time and drinking in front of her.

When he came back from work (he works out of town) on the trip to her grandparents he was being hostile to me and his temper was terrible. I stated to him I will sleep in the room with our daughter and he will sleep on the couch (I did not want the temper to continue in front of her). He agreed to it but when the time came he was in my face yelling at me saying f* you Im sleeping with you guys and getting in my face. I mistakenly lightly slapped him, I should not have I know but I was scared of him and what he was going to do. He attempted to slap me back saying it was him trying to move me away but my arms were down and I was backed up. He even stated later it was very light. I was just trying to get him to back off.
I tried to leave because my daughter hadn't slept the day we were there (I mean for a good solid 8 hours) and his temper was making me tense, I knew she could feel it and that is why she was not sleeping.

I tried to leave and he blocked me and was in my face. I put her to the side in her car seat and tried to move him using my foot.

Finally moved I got in my vehicle and he ran in and wouldn't let me leave.

It came to an agreement because he would not let me leave that he could drive me to the hotel and get me in teh morning- but I did not feel safe so I wanted to go.

He drove me- for a good 5 hours- calling me names and all around trying to destroy me. I just sat in the backseat and didn't say anything.

When I got to the hotel I called my father unknowing of what to do- I was scared of what he would do. He said he would come get me the next night and drive me back home.

I was civil to her father the next day- left to see a friend- then my father came and got me.

I texted him where I was going and why. It was for the sake of my childs safety.


He called the cops, showed up at my friends- but never texted me.
When I texted him-  I texted that I told him where I was going and why- he conviently got the text message that said that then.

Let me state: I 100% WAS taking her away so that she would become healthy again and a fear of her safety. She wasn't sleeping and was spitting up all her food. When we got home she become SO MUCH better.

For the next week we talked about custody. His friend passed. I told him he could come see her for a couple hours and sign the papers (custody).First I made a twisted lie about the fact I stole some stuff so that he would think he had ammo on me therefor he would start to listen to the conversation rather then attack attack attack. I state now I STOLE NOTHING it was b*s* and a stupid lie but I needed him to listen.

He came in- signed the papers.

I let him stay with me that night because he had no where to go and it was late.
The next day he got a hotel.
The next day I was sick and he came to help me wiht her (which he did, for a whopping hour, then kept me up and watched tv and slept)
I left to go get her medication- I knew there was no drinks around so he could not drink around her and I was driving and he had no vehicle so he would not leave with her.
Everything was civil and nice. I even drove him to the airport to go back to work.

The next day he trys to talk about paying less child support... and then..

When my father came over to my place to talk he asked to see the custody papers because my future step mother altered the papers a bit to notarize it, but ended up not doing it, so we both crossed out and initialed no notary. I had it in the desk which he did not see me place it in..

The signature paper was not there. He had stolen it either when I was asleep sick for an hour or when I went to get the medication.. he rummaged through everything to throw it away.

The custody papers stated he saw her Wed. Sat. and Sunday and I had sole custody but he had every right to see her and talk to her on the phone.

I called asking where they were and he admitted ot taking them- says he was trying to get me back and through it away.

He has a temper, he has a record for violence (he hit his mothers boyfriend of 7 years in the face for telling him to go home), and he abuses drinking.

Obviously this will turn into a court case, but I just need a bit of guidance to what to do.
I fear for the safety of my daughter around him.

I am working on getting a job and an apartment. I obviously was going to be an at home mom since we were together so I'm pretty much having to start over.

Please- any help or advice would be great.

Thank You

[ocean]

What state are you in? How far away is dad living now? Is he in a different state?
How old if child/baby now?

Since you are never been married, you are the custodial parent and have sole custody until dad takes you to court for paternity test and custody/visitation. If you have not been to court anywhere yet, you can file where you live now. Go to family court near you and ask for custody and child support paperwork. It is free (or small fee) to file in most states. Your state will take over the child support part after an amount is set in court. The state will collect the money from father and send it to you. You can agree to an amount or each state has a child support calculator online that you can see how much he should be paying.

Does he have a driver's license? Has he been convicted of DWI or anything like that? If so, you can request supervised visits for a while. If baby is still very young, you can request visits happen near you for a while but eventually he will be granted visitation in his state.

[Faith023]

Texas. He works up north and comes here 2 weeks of the month. He doesn't live anywhere, when he is here he will stay at an Extended stay hotel. 7 weeks old. I have never seen what else is on his record- he has never told me. He has a DL and no vehicle. The only reason I know this is on his record is because we were together at the moment.

[ocean]

It depends how fast you want to start a child support case then you will get the ball rolling in court with paternity and custody. Right now you have custody under the law since you were not married so you can just wait for him to file against you. If he does not have a car then going to be hard to have visitation? Look up baby visitation plans, there are many options but since he is staying in hotel, you are not getting along with him, no car, and there is a drinking issue you may have to take this to court. He is the child's father so if he shows up, is respectful, not drunk then allow supervised visits -maybe at a public place in a few weeks so he can bond with child. Maybe offer to go to counseling with him on the weeks he is in town to learn to co-parent and get through some of the issues.