detective work

[neutron11]

DH and I have the gnawing suspicion that BM is practically living with her boyfriend. A friend (who also knows her) has told us that she wants to sublease her apartment. On court she declared she broke up with boyfriend (because he has several DUIs, drug possession charges, etc) and that she just renewed her apartment lease (she has moved more than 4 times in the last 3 years). We are about to embark in a update in the parenting evaluation and we asked the new BF to be evaluated too (that's why she said she broke up with him). Any ideas about how to find out if she is actually living with her BF? We have thought about getting a PI but it's soooo expensive than we are hoping to find a way without recurring to PI. Any creative ideas will be welcome!

[ocean]

Really does not matter what she is doing, what happens when child is there? Where does child sleep? I would keep track of that. Also, you may want to send her a certified letter stating "in court on xx you testified that xx was not around child during your parenting time and that child will be sleeping at your house every night." Something like that, or if you find evidence or child says they were at BF house, then add a line "child slept at xx house last weekend, you stated that child will not be around xx due to xx."

I would request he be included in any evaluation or just ask that it put into the court order that xx will not be around children while in mothers care. Have a friend or someone verify that they are still together. Picture of her car at his house would work...lol.

[Spaceman1982]

out of question....lets say this ex maried this guy....how does that effect it??

[ocean]

Little confused...do you think they got married? You can get that info I think from the town clerks office.

If you have it in your papers that he can not be near kids then does not matter if they get married. She may go back and fight it later but have him drug tested. If she claims he is not around, she should have no issues putting that into writing Some people even have "no overnight guests of opposite sex while children are in their care" clause.

If they got married, then you have the proof he is around, then have him included in all evaluations and offer to take drug tests along with them (looks good if everyone is drug tested).

Also, can have clause that while children are with either parent they can not drink or smoke around children.

[neutron11]

no, they are not married for sure since she is already married. She would need to get a divorce first from her husband (not DH). She has been separated for several years but no divorce so far (her husband is a foreign citizen). According to a friend of hers who gave us some info, she has been talking about getting married to this guy and is trying to get a divorce asap. But to the court and to us she told a very different story: they are no longer together. I don't even know if this guy is a danger to SS. He obviously has a police record and he might be on drugs still but maybe he is not so bad after all... who knows?  The problem is her hiding him to the parenting evaluator. If she didn't have anything to hide and was forthright, then maybe the parenting evaluator would think he is a decent enough guy, despite his past. What worries us is her lying and hiding of her relationship  with this guy because she doesn't want him to be evaluated. SS is very young so he can't tell us where he spends his time but we do know, from other sources, that she is still seeing him. Whoever she dates is not a concern for us. On the contrary. We want  her to be happy because then she is much more open to communication. But we don't understand why she feels the need to lie about this relationship, especially at this moment, when there is an evaluation pending. The only thing we can think of is that she is afraid that if evaluated, her new boyfriend would contribute to her losing primary residency of SS. Thanks for all the ideas. DH and I will try to get real proof of this relationship. We are pretty sure she is going to deny it to the parenting evaluator so if we show proof of it, then her credibility will be in question.