i just want to be a part of my son's life

[moral292k]

The mother of my child and I had separated 4 months into her pregnancy. There was a problem with infidelity early in our relationship and I had lost my trust in her. I was raised by a single mother. My parents were together but only because of my brother and I. Things got ugly over the years and my parents separated when I was young. I understand the importance of a child having both parents. I don't feel that one should be forced into a relationship especially when a child is involved...what example would i be making. There is a question if the child is mine because of things she has done and certain things she has said to me. I tried to help her after we had separated but she didn't want me to help in anyway unless we were together regardless if I was the father or not she said. She changed her number and cut off any communications with me and had told me not to communicate with her until she had called or else she would disappear with our child and never allow me to be a part of his life. She was due in the middle of June and I passed by her apartment to try and speak with her but she was never home. She gave birth to our son at the end of May and told me a two weeks later. I'm filled with a lot of emotions, but I control them to see my son. She has started some arguments but I don't let them escalate...I just ignore all the things she has to say. She told me she gave him her last name because I wasn't there when he was born, but not by my choice because I didn't know until two weeks later. I've been setting dates to see my son but she keeps making little comments to get me upset. I asked her about having my name on the birth certificate but she had told me to forget about that and I'm lucky she is allowing me to see my child and to remember that she's in control and that I never forget it. It hurts me that I wasn't there to see my child come into this world and that certain things she's done make me question if I am the biological father. I went to new york family court and filied a petition for paternity but they told me that men don't usually file and if I file that then that states I am stating I am the father and if she agrees then case closed and no tests will be done. I'm being careful on what I ask the mother of my child because she is quick to say that i can't have anything to do with my child. If the child is mine I want my rights as a father. I want to support my child and be able to peacefully be with my child without any problems. I would like joint custody, but I'm being told that it's unlikely unless the mother is not fit to raise the child. She's a good person and a good mother I don't doubt that. We both made some mistakes, but our relationship just didn't work out. I don't want to take our child away from her I just want to be able to raise our child together. I don't know what to do next. thank you for your time and consideration.

[ocean]

Did you go through with the filing? It should have stated that you want a paternity test. When you go to court ask for the test. Once the child is found to be yours, then you file for visitation (and child support will be ordered at 17% of your salary until age 21). Once you have visitation throught the court,  it will easier because both of you will know when you can get child. Even a child this young, you can have overnight. You can get a progressive schedule too...now you get XXX then when child tunrs one XXX or whatever. Make sure you put in everything you want, who does drop-offs and pick-ups, and exact times (and dates for summer visits). Get a school calendar and see what long weekends the child will have for future visitation. Remember birthday's. There are some good schedules on this web site or post what you think you want and we can help tweek it ! Good luck!