Holidays sharing

[rjmurdock]

Ok this question is for a friend of mine. We live in Pa. He has a son who is almost 2. His ex and he fight about a bunch of petty stuff (mostly her) but she does think that dad should see his son plenty so even though every cough, rash, or bruise gets blamed on dad he sees his son plenty. The problem is holidays because the idiots didn't put any times into their custody order. Most of the time Dad (my friend) just gives in and doesn't fight with her about times and such because he's not very confrontational. The issue they have now is both the child's birthday and father's day are in the custody order. Dad gets him all day on father's day and they share his birthday. This year father's day and birthday fall on the same day. Anyone know which one of them should get him on this day. Dad offered to celebrate father's day on sat and split his birthday on sunday but mom said no that Dad just has to give up Father's day because birthday trumps father's day. Anyone know who is right?

[tigger]

Neither is right and they are going to need to compromise.  (Which is sounds like the father is trying to do.)

They need to work out a detailed order and knowing that the child's birthday and Father's Day will fall on the same day some years, need to iron that out in there too.

My birthday falls right before Labor Day weekend, every time.  Sometimes is ON Labor Day weekend.  Knowing this, I worked out a compromise that settled the issue before it became an issue.  My ex agreed to it.  He still sometimes forgot and would pick up our kids on what would normally be his Tuesday or Thursday because he forgot that my birthday was either THAT day or had been the previous weekend when he had them for Labor Day and I was to get them for the following Tuesday.

[rjmurdock]

Thanks Tigger. I kind of figured that was the case. Knowing them like I do Dad will just give in. They really don't have a ton of issues just the holiday stuff mostly. The biggest issue is the fact that no times are in the order and their definition of the day or a half day vary greatly. He just ignores the petty stuff like when she blames him for a bruise on their almost 2 yr old. Given that I don't see a return to court to get the times set it would be a waste of time and money and she won't agree because she knows he will give in and let her have what she wants. He does see his son quite a bit and if she's not feeling well she will call him to take him so she can rest for the most part he's got it pretty good no need to rock the boat so to speak.

[jgaff78]

While he may not want to rock the boat right now, it's in his best interest to have the details ironed out in court. If his ex is petty over little stuff now, it's not likely to get better in the future. I'm sure there are plenty of people in this forum who could tell you stories about a semi-reasonable ex suddenly turning completely unreasonable, myself included. Your friend should protect himself and his son by making sure everything is legally clear in case he needs to enforce it in the future.

[rjmurdock]

The only area that doesn't have set times is the holidays. The normal custody schedule does have times and although she still does petty stuff it has lessened over time and they split when their son was 6 months old. When the first split it was ridiculous. So in a year and a half it has drastically decreased which as far as children are concerned is pretty quick. As the next holiday they have to worry about it Thanksgiving I imagine he will probably just wait and see what happens then. I agree he should just go and get the time ironed out now but I don't think I've ever met a less confrontational person in my life and despite advice he will wait if she pushes him too far he'll do something about it but it will take an awful lot.