And just when I thought things were going well

[stressedoutmom]

I haven't posted in quite some time.  My DD is now 6 and her BF didn't want to have anything to do with her until she was 3.5.  I'm sure some of you remember that there were some bumps in the road along the way and some of you were helpful in pointing out some of my flaws and when I was making a big deal of petty little things.  I need your opinions again.  I was with some mutual friends yesterday and found out a lot of information about the BF.  Most of it I don't care about but there are a couple of things that put up red flags.  Apparently BF was dating 4 different girls at once.  I don't care.  He is a grown man and can do what ever he wants.  He has introduced all of them to DD.  And since 2 of the 4 are no longer talking to him it has caused some issues with DD because she had formed friendships with the kids of one of the girls.  And she doesn't understand why she all of a sudden can't play with those kids.  I knew that DD was playing with these kids but didn't know BF was dating their mom because once again, I don't care and its not my business.  When its DD's time with her BF then that's there time together and unless she is reporting a safety issue (which she hasn't) I don't really get involved.  In the course of finding out all of this stuff yesterday it was also brought up that BF had threatened to kill himself the threats were to the point that the police had to be involved.  That is the part that I care about. I don't think the police EPC'd him.  It makes me have nervous to have her around him of he is making those types of threats.  The other part that concerns me is that one of the girls may move in with him.  She is divorced and has 2 children of her own that she does not have any custody of.  I don't know why she does not have custody of her children but it makes me nervous to have my child around someone the courts have deemed should have have custody of her own children.  Like I said he is grown and can do what he wants.  I only have concerns when it comes to DD's safety and well being.  I know what the friends tell me is all heresay and may or may not be true.  But if BF was threatening to kill himself and the police were called there should be a police report.  I'm just trying to figure out if I have any options.  I'm just looking out for DD. 

[Giggles]

***"I don't know why she does not have custody of her children but it makes me nervous to have my child around someone the courts have deemed should have have custody of her own children."***

I have to ask...how do you know the courts have deemed she SHOULDN'T (I am assuming that is what you meant) have custody?  That is an extremely judgmental view since you don't know why.  I don't have custody of my daughter....NOT because the court deemed me not to have it (in fact quite the opposite), it's because at this time it's in HER BEST INTEREST to be with her father and that is what she wanted.  I've learned to put the NEEDS of my children ahead of my wants.  Yes I want my daughter with me...but that isn't what she needs at this time.

As for the "suicide" threat....THERE you might have some concern and you may want to check into it.

[stressedoutmom]

You are right.  I probably shouldn't be so judgemental.   I have known this woman from the past and let's just say in my opinion she made some decisions that I definitely don't agree with.  People do change.  From what I've been told custody was awarded to her husband and she has very minimal visitation.  Now why that is you are correct, I don't know.  But put that together with what I do know and that is where I draw the conclusion.  In the state where I live its not often that father's are awarded full custody with the mother having minimal visitation of teenage girls.  But you are correct I don't know.  Its just a red flag to me and makes me nervous.  As for the suicide threat.  I talked to the girl who was there when he made the threat.  She informed me that she did not call the police and she thought he just said it because he got busted dating 4 girls at once.  So since there is no police report I'm assuming there really isn't anything I can do about that either since there is not a record of it.  I am going to ask him about it directly but I'm pretty sure he is going to lie to me and tell me he never said it.  Up until now I have never worried about DD when she was with him.  And I considered myself lucky since I have read so many stories about how people have to worry about whether their kids are going to come home after visits or if the other parent will allow them to visit.  I really thought things were going very well for us.  And it took me a while to get to that point and I was finally there and red flags are popping up.  Am I just over reacting again because I tend to do that with DD as I truly just want what's best for her?  When we first did our parenting plan BF was not seeing DD at all.  I was the one wanted it in the decree so that if he did want to start seeing DD later we would not need to go back to court.  I am wondering now if there are some things that weren't thought about and maybe should talked about, come to an agreement about and put in writing.