temp custody order

[IceMountain]

I also posted this on soc's board, but am looking for any help I can get.  This is for my brother.

State: Iowa

My ex and I split up last month. We have a daughter that is 2 1/2. We initially agreed to 50/50 with a week on week off rotation. Since the seperation my daughter has been with me 72% of the time without any formal orders in place. My ex has never taken her on a weekend. She does not call to check on her or talk to her when she is with me.

A couple weeks ago my ex decided that she was afraid I would not return my daugter after my 'week' with her and said she would grant me only Thursday to Sunday every other week starting that week. I picked up my daugter that Thursday and I had her until the following Wednesday. Three days later I had her back again. She is still with me and is scheduled to go back to her mom's house on Sunday.

My ex met with a lawyer last week and called to tell me that she was having divorce papers drawn up and that I should expect to be served. I called her lawyer today and offered to stop at his office and sign the papers. The receptionist informed me that the papers would be filed with the court today and I could stop in the afternoon to sign.

The papers included the divorce petition, a motion for temp custody and an order signed by the judge granting my ex temp custody. Her basis for asking for temp custody was that she claimed I did not have a permanent home and that I apparently threatened to take my daughter out of state. (I am staying with my mom until I can get a place of my own)

The motion was dated 8/22 and the order was signed 8/24 by the judge. There is a hearing scheduled for 9/14 for temp visitation and child support.

1. Is it 'normal' practice for these types of orders to be signed and granted without a hearing?

2. How would you suggest I proceed?

3. What type of evidence do I need to prove my daughter has been with me?

[notnew]

Don't go to the ex's lawyer's office to sign anything. That is stepping into a lion's den.

I read Soc's reply - while harsh it is correct. You had the upper hand when you had your child a majority of the time and should have filed for custody then. Sadly, this is now and you have lost your chance.

She is still letting your daughter stay with you longer than agreed it sounds like to me. You need to document the times you have your child.

Get a lawyer. You will need one to protect your interests.

Is she asking for sole custody?

Listen to soc - he is right. Cover your ass. Live clean no skeltons in your closet I hope. Spend as much time with your child as possible. Document all that you can.

It is sad to realize that you are at a disadvantadge and because your ex got greedy, saw a greedy lawyer who advised her how to steal your kid and get paid for it while you were innocently standing there with a huge kick me sign blinking on and off over your head. Been there and done that.

Good luck. It will be along hard road for you. I am sorry to sound so pessimistic. Soc was right about all of us shaking our heads at your lost opportunity. Been there and done that too.

Fight for your relationship with your child. Don't settle for orders that you cannot live with or don't like. If the lawyer wants to reach a settlement and you are not happy with them, let it go in front of the judge I say. However, that doesn't always work out for the best either. BUT if you agree to orders that are crazy and jeopradize your time with your child, it will be impossible to change them in the future. Don't let anyone tell you that these orders can be changed later, they won't be.

I am sorry you are going through this.

[IceMountain]

Thanks for the advice. I will pass it on to my BROTHER.

It is frustrating for me to stand by and watch him throw away his chances of surviving this thing.  I've been advising him as to what to do, thanks to the very educated people on this board, unfortunately he thought he could 'win' by being nice.  

The problem now is that he is at such a disadvantage that I'm not sure he can get it together.  Of course, I can't tell him that.

His ex doesn't want their daughter.  You are right that she is just being greedy and wants the child support.  She's also ticked that he's moved on even though she has done the same thing.  She has never taken my niece on a weekend, always with a wonderful excuse.  In the divorce papers she suggests he have his daughter 3 weekends a month.  

I know her lawyer probably advised her to not let my brother have his daughter after this weekend, but I seriously don't think she will be able to handle it.  It is just not convenient for her to have her beautiful daughter with her.

The other thing in my brother's mindset is that he's convinced she will get custody and then she'll screw up and be back to not wanting her daughter around and then he will get custody.  I keep telling him it will be cheaper to fight this thing now then to go back to court later.  I wish he would spend a couple weeks on this board doing some research and educating himself because the attitude he has isn't going to get him crap, other than screwed.

[backwardsbike]

I have lived your brother'ss tory.  You get nothing by being "Nice".  I am a NCM.  I had 50 50 custody and had my hcildren all summers for daycare, sick days and snow days...until the new woman moved in with the X.

I though the staus quo would carry me.  And I wass ure my X would nver be able to get thru a custody eval.  But I didn't count on a crooked custody evlauator.

I am a nurse, a certifed parent educator.  I hold a counseling degree adn am a NCM becasue some custody evaluator with a bug up her butt didn't like me or the way I chose to leave my X some two years before the evalaution.

I went 18 months not being allowed to havemy children with me over night.  My husband was not allowed on the property when the children were here for those 18 months.  he has clean child abuse clearances and we had a child of our own.  No ne ever placed alimit with him being around our child.

Eventully, when the evaluator miled both my X adn I out of money she wrote a report.  It recommended sole legal to him and very limited visitation to me.

The only way I got EOW and half of all summers was that in the interium my new lawyer ( one iI had during thre eval quit on ME) saw that I was not a nutjob adn had me undergo a psych eval.  DH also had to undergo one but that took another few years to get the judge to agree to.

YOur brother needs to document,document docment like never before in his life.  He's behind the 8 ball.  If anything in my story will help him, please clue him in.

I have found email as the only form of communication very helpful.  Before X knew I saved them I got him to admit quite a bit.  Judge wouldn't read any of them but it allowed my alwyer to see what they real deal was nd made her fight harder for me.

[notnew]

I had slam dunk case for custody reversal. Three judges scolded BM about her actions, told her one more time and it's over. Final hearing - new judge totally ignored the history and denied my petition. I had CE recommend child come to live with me. BM has refused to comply with any court orders and the court just overlooked it all. BM is unemployed and now they want to raise my CS. So, I have been through hell this last year, she will get rewarded for it, and my child has learned that telling lies, cheating, and not following the rules is the way to success! I KNOW a lot of stuff that is going on in the home regarding drinking & driving, drug use, etc., but can't prove a lick of it. Court failed to consider HARD evidence I had presented and instead gave credence to BM's lies and the expert witness therapist who saw my kid about 4 times. My child is in full blown parental alienation. I saw it coming a mile away and screamed to the rooftops and anytime I said the dirty words "parental alienation", I was lambasted that it was NOT happening.  My kid is going right down the tubes and I can't do a thing to stop it. This is what the family court system does for parents and children. My parental rights have been trampled upon, but it is sanctioned by the court so it is OK.

If you don't get it right from the start, you have no control over what will happen in the future.