Need help to keep custody rights in place while trying to restore relationship

[Kitty C.]

You ask what I think?  Be careful what you ask for.....

First, given all that you have tried (individually and together), you have to face it...the marriage is over.  She obviously has issues she needs to deal with, but is in denial about it.  Her statements of 'wanting to work on the relationship' points directly to that, because her actions speak the exact opposite.

Second, given this statement: 'Just met with my counselor #4/mediator (he is a mediator...haven't used him for mediation).  Here is what he suggests:  Being out of the house short term will not affect custody and may give needed cooling off for everyone.'...I would say that the counselor/mediator is NOT father-friendly.  I have never heard of a situation where a father has moved out of the house and NOT had that held against him when it comes to deciding custody.  Moving out can be equated to 'abandonment' by the court.  He can SAY that he sees no reason why you shouldn't get 50/50.....but family courts are extremely fickle and, depending on what state you live in, you might be lucky to get away with 2 weekends a month and every other holiday.

brwneyedmom is right....interact with your wife from here on out in a business-like manner, leaving as much emotion out of your tone and words as possible, no matter how emotional she might get.  Keeping it business-like is the only way for you to remain as clear-headed as possible during all this.  She will be pissed off if she can't get you to react emotionally and will probably use the kids against you because if it.  That's why you MUST stay in the house, MUST report any future assaults, and MUST file for temp. custody as soon as possible.

I can't emphasize this enough....document, document, document.....and if I could put this in neon lights, I would:
DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE!!

[Davy]

I've read all the posts.  In consideration of the excellent advice provided you by all experienced posters I would like to expound on the post by brwneyedmom which I considered critical to the situation (as posted).

Without exxageration, the children are unable to defend themselves and are clearly at RISK both physically and psychologically and should be  removed from the situation/environment.  A parent has the PRIMARY responsibility to protect children and provide for their security.

Moreover, if you "act" now instead of "reacting" later to a worse situation the children have a much better chance of having both stabile parents in their lives in the future ... Assuming the parents seek and receive the help they need.  Focus on the children.