I Need Help To Start Custody, Visitation, & Serve My Wife - Alienation

[Map96]

I am a father married for 13 years with 2 children (9 & 6).  In years past, we (wife & I) have enjoyed good times together & some times not so good.

Sorry, this is painful.

Last year 3-2005, (Thursday) we got into a argument over the children going to the park in the neighborhood to ride their bikes. We couldn't agree. SW wanted then to go but I said they should stay (we have a large yard to ride in). I felt uneasy, that my wife was up to something.  SW thinks the children belong to her. I am the bread winner and I love my children also, making the best of our time together. Saturday, SW left w/children and was gone for 2 months w/o calling or informing me of whereabouts. Third month she shoes up. Pastor & some church members knew where she was, in local women's shelter.

We went to pastoral counseling & informal professional counseling. SW returned home w/children in 10-2005. Quit her job after 1 week of work as a excuse for homeschooling children. Things seemed to be going well but SW wasn't really interested in children or homeschooling but more interested in attending Community College in evenings for cert of CNA. I supported her. She has been a housewife for 12 years.

I often asked wife to have staff meetings at home to work on marriage during the week or weekends to improve marriage & set boundaries but SW was not really interested. Something changed. We were having financial difficulty. I work as Bible Instructor (paid) and later I was drawing unemployment.

The first week in August 2006, SW car was broken for 2 weeks. We was in a financial straight. I asked her to call a relative to borrow money but she replyed I was the husband & it was my job to see to the car getting fixed. On Saturday she asked the church to help fix her car (unknown to me) & bragged about how she was getting something done on Sunday. Monday, car towed to shop. Fixed on Wednesday morning 8-9-06. Picked car up from shop that afternoon & drove to church that evening. Elder spoke on a subject in a controversy way. Comments made at service resurfaced isses between us. (Subject - Unconfidentiality between spouse creates distrust).

After service SW took a long time exiting the church while my son & I waited in car w/engine running (10 - 15 minutes). After SW got in car & backing out, we left though she was visible. My son & I arrived home & changed for bed. SW & daughter arrived home. SW came in arguing & mad because we didn't wait. Talked about getting gas and "what if the car broke?" Tried to explain but she wasn't listening. Argued & fussed until we both were arguing, face to face. We both pushed each other & she dailed 911. 2 Police came (male & female). Both told our stories. SW played DV ticket. There were no bruises or marks on neither of us.  No one went to jail (daughter terrified). Police ask either of us to leave. Wife volunteered & took our 2 children w/her.  This is the 6th time my wife has left home over the past 7 years with the children. [Unstable and inconsistant with children].

On 8-14-06 (our anniversary) I was served a Order of Protection at home. Court date 8-17-06. Went to court & judge dismissed order w/o prejudice. Thank God! SW allegations was false.

The pastor & others called me to give SW access to home (locks changed) to pick up some clothes 8-28-06. I refused. Told Pastor (after 3 attempts) to have wife to call insteado of him.  She called. I told her we need to talk & she refused only said she needed colthes & things. SW said she would break in. I told her I would have her arrested (because SW was playing dirty). SW returned on 8-29-06 with police escort (which SW should have done anyway) and I allowed access to get clothes.

I have not seen my children in 51 days. My heart is breaking. I love my children. Don't know where they are.

Don't have the money to afford a lawyer. I recently got a job. I live in the home and am maintaining the bills alone (as usual).

Pastor & church members is working with wife to keep them in hiding. SW thinks the children belong to her. (I believe she is trying to hurt me by alienating the children from me. I am having a hard time dealing with this). She attends church & some of the members believe I am an abuser based on her story. All lies.

Sorry, I wrote much.

I live in Lancaster, SC (40 miles outside of Charlotte, NC) and I can't afford a good lawyer. I make $10 hr.

All this is new to me.

Does anyone know a father's rights group in this area?
Can someone direct me where to begin?
How do I serve my wife without an address or phone number? How do I get a friend to serve her at church?
Can I file custody & visitation papers at the Family Court Bldg myself and then seek a lawyer afterwards?
Where do I get the forms and are they free? Can I download them?
 
I don't have a custody or visitation order presently.
I have been reading every thing possible on the internet. I feel like I am alone and this is consumimg me every day all the time.
Please help me!

[Map96]

I am still trying to cope with the separation and alienation of my children by my wife.

It's been 70 days and  I've only seen my children once for about 15 minutes. I became adventurious & went to church. Guess what? They were there. The members were goosed and thought I wanted to harm my wife but they were fooled. I was civil as always, sitting in the back, and only wanted to see my children. At the end of serivce I got a chance to see them. I felt like a million dollars receiving my children hugs & kisses.

I plan to go back and give my babies some cards, photos, & goodies. I don't want then to forget Daddy.

If someone knows a Father's Rights group or organization in Charlotte, NC or Rock Hill, SC area, please email ASAP. I need a support group,  find an attorney, and talk with a PI. I will respond to your reply.

Can someone direct me what to do with per se "semen tainted wife's underwear?"

Thanks.

Map96 - "Feeling good but not there yet"

[mistoffolees]

I'm not really an expert in this, but since no one else has piped in, I'll offer what help I can.

1. Go to the Socrateaser bulletin board on the web site. Socrateaser offers legal recommendations and can guide you through the legal part much better than I can. It won't cost you anything, but you'll get some help.

2. It's probably worth contacting some local lawyers and ask for pro-bono (free) assistance. I don't think very many lawyers offer pro-bono divorce / custody help, but you might get lucky.

3. Check your employer benefits package. Some employers offer legal assistance.

4. Assuming that you can't get the help of a lawyer, call your courthouse and ask for the clerk's office. Explain your situation and tell them you need to file pro se for custody of your children. They can help you with the forms.

Good luck. It's a terrible situation. The bad news is that it's likely to get worse if you don't file something quickly. If she keeps the kids away from you long enough, it will be much harder getting significant access to them later.