Going into mediation- What should I hold out for?

[missmyson]

I am going into mediation in two weeks.  The Ex-fience has been totally unreasonable.  She hasn't let me see my 8 month old baby for 4 months.

There are things I need going into mediation.  She probably won't agree.  So, I was wondering what I should expect a judge to order if mediation fails, so that I will know where to hold my ground (because the judge will order it anyway if she does not agree.)  

Visitation including weekly overnights, unencumbered by conditions regarding whether or not I have a roomate, or a 1 bedroom in the future.

The right of first refusal in caring for him in her absence.

Her sharing some of the uninsured medical costs (she doesn't work.)

Her sharing the cost of any supervision of exchanges.

My attorney said that judges don't order restrictions on custodial parents
moving out of the area.  Is this true?

A provision that I not be required to provide insurance if it is not reasonably affordable through my employer.  If neither one of us can obtain group insurance (some employers aren't offering it anymore) we should both share the cost.

[Jade]

>I am going into mediation in two weeks.  The Ex-fience has
>been totally unreasonable.  She hasn't let me see my 8 month
>old baby for 4 months.
>
>There are things I need going into mediation.  She probably
>won't agree.  So, I was wondering what I should expect a judge
>to order if mediation fails, so that I will know where to hold
>my ground (because the judge will order it anyway if she does
>not agree.)  
>
>Visitation including weekly overnights, unencumbered by
>conditions regarding whether or not I have a roomate, or a 1
>bedroom in the future.
>
>The right of first refusal in caring for him in her absence.
>
>Her sharing some of the uninsured medical costs (she doesn't
>work.)
>
>Her sharing the cost of any supervision of exchanges.
>
>My attorney said that judges don't order restrictions on
>custodial parents
>moving out of the area.  Is this true?
>
>A provision that I not be required to provide insurance if it
>is not reasonably affordable through my employer.  If neither
>one of us can obtain group insurance (some employers aren't
>offering it anymore) we should both share the cost.

With a baby that young, in my state, you would not be getting overnight visits.  What I would push for is visitation several times a week.  More frequent visits are easier on an infant than EOW is and once during the week is and creates more of a bond.    

In my state, health insurance is taken into consideration when computing child support.  Ask your lawyer about your state.  If she doesn't have a job and she doesn't have insurance and it is offered through your work.  The judge is probably going to order you to provide it.  Insurance may be expensive.  But if something serious were to happen to your baby, the cost is even more.  

You could ask that she doesn't move out of the state with the baby.  Some judges will grant it.  Some won't.  It won't hurt to request it.  And if they refuse to order it, try to get it in the agreement that if she were to move away (give a specific distance), that she covers all of the costs involved with transporting your child for parenting time.  Don't be surprised if she wants the same clause in there if you are the one who moves a great distance away.  

I would also try to get visitation set up right away.  Good luck.

[Ref]

First thing to do is to check what the standard is for your area. You can check to see if they have it posted on your county clerk of the court's webpage. If not, do a google search with the county name and divorce and see what comes up. This would be the minimum that you would get, assuming that there is no criminal issues.

With regards to a roomate, are you talking about opposite sex or same sex? If you are talking about just a roomate and you have no history of living with anyone that could be a danger to your child, I think it would be very strange to have a judge put that limitation on you. If you are talking about a significant other, some judges may frown on that. Some judges allow to put in place that you have no overnight guests of the opposite sex. Are you living with someone now?

I think you could argue that your child is young enough to share a one bedroom with you at this point and that you will renegotiate that issue when the child is older OR you can offer to supply a place with more bedrooms by the time the child is , say...2 or 3???

May standard plans put a right of first refusal in them now. Check with the standard. I don't think a judge will see anything wrong with that request.

Manytimes they split the unreimbursed medical costs down the middle. Make sure the agreement says "reasonable and necessary", that way she can't make you pay for half of something frivoulous.

Is is necessary to have transfers supervised? If it was court ordered, I could see them splitting it between the two of you, if not you may be on your own with this one. Are you planning on asking them to be supervised? Why? Do you have evidence that there was trouble before?

Judges do not restrict cutodials from moving, they restrict the child from moving with them. Yours may not do either though. I would do some googling on your county, divorce and relaocation and see what is says.

Someone is ususually required to pay for health insurance for the child. This is put in place to protect the kid. Most times it is required of the person who is paying the child support. The good news is that most child support calculations reduce your support by some % of the premiums that you pay. I would ask that if either of you has access to group health insurance, that that person be required to cover the child, either way the costs should be split (usually through CS calculation).

Like I said, first thing is to find out what the standard is. If it isn't on the web, call the clerks office and ask for one to be emailed or mailed to you.

Best Wishes
Ref