Need advice on recommendation letters from supporters

[durandal]

I have a upcoming petition for custody, visitation and child support which I filed. All involved partied reside in Virginia Beach, VA. Currently, I have been BBS'ing (begging, borrowing, stealing) to get money for my attorney, and I should be able to raise the funds but its a toss up whether I'll have this by the first court date (Feb. 22).

I filed for all three with the understanding that its better to put each petition on the table and, even if custody is not granted, there will be an existing visitation petition in place.

Up until now, the child has resided with the BM. The child is nine months old. I have attended doctor's visits, holidays, and USED to visit several days a week - until the BM started playing hardball and making false allegations towards me. I spent the entire three day New Year's holiday weekend taking care of the child while BM was sick. She refuses to let me take the child out of her cigarette smoke filled home for even an hour.

I have photos of holiday visits, receipts for everday expenses for the child, a support payment history with no missed payments (I filed the support papers on myself two weeks after her birth) and have purchased furniture, clothing, and toiletries both for the BM's home and for my own in the event of visitation and/or custody.

I was told by a local parent who has gone thru the process that I should get written statements from friends, family, etc. showing responsibility, willingness and ability to parent my daughter.

1) Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should include in the letters? Or, perhaps better stated, what should I ask my supporters to comment on?

2) Is there a point of overkill, or is it the more the better?

3) Will the letters (plus the above documents and supporting evidence) likely to prove that I am serious enough about the welfare of my daughter to warrant continuing the case or am I dead in the water without the lawyer for this the first hearing?

This is daunting, and I'm keeping it together the best I can.

[mistoffolees]

It all depends on the situation. Your attorney or someone familiar with your local judge and GALs can probably guide you.

For example, I gave our custody evaluator a list of references (I didn't even include family and friends because he told me right off the bat that he wouldn't consider anyone who would potentially have a bias) and he only accepted a few. His reasoning was that he would only interview people who had a state-issued license involving responsibilities for children. That would be teachers, counselors, doctors, etc.

I tried to get him to talk withour baby sitter (my daughter alternates weeks at each home and uses the same baby sitter at both locations so she is well familiar with both sides) and he said he wouldn't do it.

I would not go into it without an attorney - there's too much at stake and even a minor rules infraction could cost you everything. See if there's any legal aid in your area. That's better than nothing.

Check on your state regulations, as well. In some states, her continued exposure of the child to cigarette smoke can be an issue.

[durandal]

First off, let me say thank you for all the help I have managed to get from the site. But the legal aid resource hasn't worked for me:

>See if there's any legal aid in your area. That's
>better than nothing.

To be entirely honest, its just about the same as nothing.

I have tried for months to get thru to a legal aid intake representative here in VA, and when my calls are not routed to someone in a legal aid office in Tennessee, they are routed to a 'Talk Time Free' phone advertisement (?) that hangs up after thirty seconds of wasting my time.

The one time I did manage to actually talk to someone in legal aid here in VA, It was thru their Richmond, VA office. When I tried to have them transfer me to someone in Virginia Beach, I got the whole phone tree shuffle which ended in a dialtone.

Legal Aid? OK, but I'm not holding my breath.

[mistoffolees]

Well, if you can't get any help from legal aid, you're going to have a tough decision. But my recommendation still stands. If there's any way in the world to get legal representation, you should do it. Doing it on your own is not likely to get you what you want - particularly if the other side has a lawyer.

If there's absolutely no way around it and you have to do it on your own, you're going to need to spend hundreds of hours familiarizing yourself with the law and legal processes in your area. In most cases, my advice would be to spend those hundreds of hours working overtime or a second job to pay for a real attorney.

Good luck.

[gemini3]

Another option is legal resources through your job.  Many companies now offer legal resources.  It's kind of like insurance, but for legal matters.  They have it at the company I work for, and they give you a deeply discounted price.  

If you can get an attorney - do.  You can save yourself hundreds by doing little things like delivering petitions yourself, making copies and delivering them to the lawyer, keeping meetings to a minimum, etc.

The other thing I would do is meet with as many lawyers you can in your area that will give you a free consultation.  Get as much advise you can from them on how the judges in your area handle these cases, etc.

Knowledge is power.

[durandal]

Thanks,

Yesterday I ran across the article archive here at SPARC. WOW!

I wish I had found this months ago! You really should bring more attention to the archive, and steer new SPARC visitors there often! I found a treasure trove of good information!

Getting the attorney is my foremost priority. I'm not out of the woods, but every day I get closer to having the money to hire [someone I believe is] a good attorney.

Q: Perhaps that should be my research subject tonight - trying to find a few web articles or information on the attorney I've chosen to evaluate her past performance? Any ideas on this?

Unfortunately, we don't have access to legal help thru the employer, but they have been supportive in ways which count too.

>You can save yourself hundreds by doing little things like delivering >petitions yourself, making copies and delivering them to the lawyer, >keeping meetings to a minimum, etc.

If I can soak up some of the clerical, dare I say 'paralegal' type stuff (i found this advice in the archives too) then I would be much better off.

Q: Do you think I will jeopardize my case if I went down to the courthouse to try and access the civil and criminal databases to research the CP's history?

Given the CP's past record, I'm sure there's some real dirt buried down there. I also will try to find out about her roomate, her ex-spouses' who have custody, and her family in general.

I appreciate everyone's comments.

I question my own posts sometimes, particularly one's where I get on my rants about justice. Sure on a couple of occasions have used the website to vent, and have commented on the way the juvenile court system operates. Although its useful therapy for me, I just don't know how useful my pain is to others, or whether it is at all.

One thing that has made me despair a little bit (besides the atty. thing) is reading everyone's horror stories. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind and don't have to read them obviously, and I know people need to get it out and relax, relate and release (I wish I could help lift each of you), but its a bit unsettling to have a first class ticket and a window seat thru everyone's private little hell.

I guess I just hate that it has to be like this. If there's one social ill I want to devote volunteer time (and hopefully much more as I'm able) to in an effort to help, helping the children and their families (regardless of familial status or income) get the MOST out of life is it.