custody hearing tomorrow!

[krazyfamily_6]

Hello to you all.  I have posted here a few times in the last few months but mostly in Soc's forum.

I will try to make this brief but please bear with me.



BM and I agreed that it would be best for our son if he lived with me while BM finished college. The only concerns BM had at the time was whether or not she would be able to make ends meet if she was not recieving child support. In the end, BM agreed it would be in our son's best interests to live with me.  My son is now 11.

At this time, we shared custody of our son with BM being the residential custodial parent for school placement purposes.  I live 15 miles from BM. I had this parenting time.... 3 weekends a month, mid week for 3 hours, every school break, we shared holidays and I had my son for the entire school summer vacation.  However, I was picking my son up from school on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and he was staying all night with me.  I also had 3 weekends a month so this left BM with only one day a week with our son.......her choice.  She had class 2 days a week and worked part time so she was too "busy" to have him more often.  

As of June 2006, my son moved in with me full time. My attorney, BM and myself sat down and hammered out an agreement naming me as the residential parent but giving us joint legal custody. BM voluntarily got EOW visitation and two weeks summer vacation. I offered more
but BM said she would be unable to practice more visitation due to her work and school schedule. BM and myself signed the agreement.

The agreement was filed with the court at the end of July. I continued to pay weekly child support as well. BM would pick our son up on a fairly regular basis for her visits with
him.

By October we still had heard nothing back from the courts regarding our motion. BM and I had a disagreement and she decided to revoke her signature from our motion. I received notice from the court that BM had revoked her signature and that our motion had been set
aside. The court set my motion for hearing.

I filed an ex parte motion with the court asking for temporary custody of my son until the hearing and It was granted. BM never contested. That was Oct 06. Six weeks went by where BM did not pick our son up for her parenting time. When she finally did pick our son up
for her visit, she stated to me that she wanted to come to some kind of agreement to stay out of court.

My attorney faxed a proposal to BM's attorney stating that; I be given custody, that BM be given 3 weekends a month parenting time and that child support be awarded. BM hit the roof. Bm stated that she would NOT agree to pay child support and that she would see me in court.

Almost a month goes by and BM is becoming more verbally abusive to our son. My son meets with his counselor who agrees that it would be best if BM's visits with our son were supervised. I filed an ex parte motion with the courts asking for BM to have supervised
visitation which was also granted. BM was served in DEC '06 did not contest.

Two months go by and BM fails to exercise the supervised visitation.  She calls my son an average of twice a month....sometimes more.  She has not been involved in any of his activities or his schooling.......even though I have given her copies of all schedules.

So just two weeks ago, BM finally contested the supervised visitation.  It had been two months since she had been served.  We never went into the courtroom as the attorneys encouraged us to come to some kind of agreement.  So I agreed to let BM have two unsupervised visits with our son both visits to be from 9am-6pm; one on Sunday and the following Saturday.  My son was very nervous and didn't really want to go but ended up going and having a nice visit with his mother and grandparents.

We go for the actual custody hearing tomorrow afternoon.  I am a bit nervous and not sure what to expect.  My attorney keeps assuring me that we have a solid case and she sees no reason that the court would change the current status quo as my son is doing well, happy and well adjusted.

My son has now been living with me full time for 9 months.  For 7 of those months, I paid BM weekly child support.  She offered no financial help to me for our son.  BM has not came to ONE school function, not ONE school conference, not ONE football, baseball or basketball practice.....only showed up to ONE basketball game, and only a couple football games (one of those she left early too).  She has not been involved other than her picking him up in the beginning EOW.  

I guess I am just looking for some reassurance here......that my son will remain with me as I believe with all of my heart that is what is best for him.

[notnew]

Ok. I believe you are fine. Now we are waiting for your report.

[krazyfamily_6]

The judge awarded me custody and gave BM the standard EOW visitation schedule with a third weekend every month provided that she make sure our son gets to all scheduled activities while he is with her.  We split holidays. BM was also ordered to pay child support and the judge held her accountable for back support as well for the last 7 months.  

[mistoffolees]

Glad to see that the system worked as expected.

[backwardsbike]

I disagree-  it wasn't the system that worked, it was the poster.  He was reasonable.  he tried to make joint phsyical work. He went above adn beyond paying his X CS when he wouldn't have had to do so.  it was clear that he had the child's best intersts at heart and the outcome was exactaly as it shoudl have been- he got cusotdy becasue he is the one looking out for this child, going to his activites, being involved.  BM chose to NOT be involved, she showed her lack of maturity and her own selfishness.

Plese help your child deal with the loss of his mother in the capacity that he knew her.  Make sure he knows it isn't his fautl that Mommy isn't around as much as before.  And if at some future time mom becomes more mature, please forthe sake of yoru son, allow her back into his life with proper supports in place for his saftey and welfare.

If all is exactly as you posted- KUDOS to you.