son very allergic to cats, but dad keeps getting them

[chipmunk226]

Hi all,

I have a 7 yo son. We live in MD. My custody order is in PA where his BD still lives. My son goes to his dad's 2x a month every 2nd and 4th weekend and then for an extended period of at least 8 weeks over the summer.

My son is extremely allergic to cats. Out of 0-5, 5 being highly allergic, my son is a 5. His dad always seems to have cats, and even has gotten new ones after I told him about our son's allergy :(

It seems so STUPID that I have to file with the courts on this issue. But my son is suffering and has been for close to two years. When he comes back from his dad's he is wheezing and coughing and has trouble sleeping. I make him take off all of his clothes, bag them up, and make him shower... but he still suffers.

Yes, I try to talk to him... but he is difficult to talk too...  I really don't want to bother the courts with something so easily handle by us... but I unfortunately don't see that happening :(

Should I just file something? I would have to file in Philadelphia, which is a system already bogged down and this issue is soooooo small compared to what they deal with, but my son doesn't deserve to suffer.

What other alternatives would I have?

Thanks to anyone who can help!

~Eva

[mistoffolees]

Several issues:

1. Has this allergy been diagnosed by a physician (preferably one with allergy credentials)?

2. Have you documented your concerns in writing?

3. Does your son have other health issues (have you ruled out asthma - 'wheezing' sounds a bit serious).

I would make sure of both of the above. Then, the next time your son comes back wheezing and coughing, take him to a doctor right away. Either have the appointment planned or take him to an urgent care facility. Get medical documentation of the problem.

Then you'll probably need to file in court. And, no, it's not a particularly small issue. If all you say is true, your son is being abused and it needs to stop.

[chipmunk226]

He woke up wheezing so I am taking him to the doctor today! We didn't get home until after 11 pm (his dad was late handing him off :() and I have two small babies (one with an ear infection) so I made the call it could wait until he could see his doctor. I had him sit w/ steam and he said that helped so I said I would see how he felt in the morning.

To answer your questions:

1) Yes, he had a RAST [sp?] test done by an ENT in '05, I believe. I'd have to go through his records.

2) Yes, I rarely speak to his father over the phone due to our communication difficulties. I have sent emails stressing my concerns about his cats and the test results. I believe, but would have to double check, but I may have even have sent him a certified letter, which of course was never picked up :(

3) He has never been diagnosed with 'asthma' but he has been prescribed inhalers in the past [but not since '04]. He has had congestion issues since forever but down the line the ENT thought it was allergy related and not asthma.

I know the situation is serious to me and normal people :D but with Philly courts, this would be considered a bother because they assume ADULTS should be able to meet in the middle when it comes to their kids. :(

Thanks for all of your help! Depending on what the doc says today that will determine what steps I take going forward. I didn't mention in my original post, but there is a lot of other background static regarding our case, that this makes it bad timing :(

[Sherry1]

allergic to cats, but I have two of them.  Your son probably is allergic to more then just cats, that can't possibly be his only allergy.  I would not live without my cats and take zyrtec every day.  Zyrtec is extremely fast working.  Maybe you could talk to the doc about allergy medication your son can take while at dad's?  

[chipmunk226]

My son is on Clarinex and it's a battle to get his dad to give him that.

His father is even allergic to cats. And while my son has minor allergies to other things like to dogs and a type of grass... they are only a low 1 on the scale, while he is a 5 to cats. And he is exposed unnecessarily to them.

His father gets a cat, gets rid of it, or it runs away and then gets more. He doesn't keep the cats out of my son's room or away from his clothes

I loved my cats too, but when I found out my son was allergic, I found them a new home. My son should not have to suffer or stay on medication for my selfish reasons. Sorry. It's just as simple as not getting another cat.

If he still had the original cat, it wouldn't be so bad because he has a responsibility to that animal to care for it or find it a new home. Since 2005 he had at least 4 other cats.

[Jade]

>allergic to cats, but I have two of them.  Your son probably
>is allergic to more then just cats, that can't possibly be his
>only allergy.  I would not live without my cats and take
>zyrtec every day.  Zyrtec is extremely fast working.  Maybe
>you could talk to the doc about allergy medication your son
>can take while at dad's?  

Even if it isn't his only allegy, he IS allergic to cats.  And it IS effecting his health.  

And while allergy meds may work for your mild allergy, it doesn't necessarily work for everyone's.  I have a very mild allegy to cats.  I don't need to take meds to be around mine.  I just have to live with a runny nose.  

A child that I used to be a nanny for got a kitten.   By the end of the second day, he could barely breathe.  Allergy meds was not helping him.  They had to have all of the ducts in the house completely cleaned after getting rid of the cat.  And, yes, that is his ONLY allergy.  

[wysiwyg]

If this is a problem you need to make the case in court.  My 2 cents here are that you said in one post that the child comes home wheezing and coughing, but then in another post you said you waited until the next day to see how he felt and that you would take him for his regular appointmnet.  As a mom I understand where you are coming from, but if you go to court the judge is gonna wonder if it REALLY is an emergency since you waited and if the child REALLY is allergic to something at dad's house since the child went to the dr after spening time in your home.  You see where I am coming from?  So in my humble opinion, you need to 1.  document, 2. get the child to a dr. no matter how late it is or how many other children are in tow, and 3.  get some paperwork from an allergist stating the childs allergy to cats.  

You can then with this file a motion in court to 1.  either not expose the child to cats or areas where cats have been, and or 2.  order the BF to give the child his medicaiton.  

But beaar in mind also that if BF takes the child someplace to another home for visiting or the zoo, you might run into cat issues again so you might want to consider how to cover these bases as well.

I hope I did not offend you.

[chipmunk226]

>If this is a problem you need to make the case in court.  My
>2 cents here are that you said in one post that the child
>comes home wheezing and coughing, but then in another post you
>said you waited until the next day to see how he felt and that
>you would take him for his regular appointmnet.  As a mom I
>understand where you are coming from, but if you go to court
>the judge is gonna wonder if it REALLY is an emergency since
>you waited and if the child REALLY is allergic to something at
>dad's house since the child went to the dr after spening time
>in your home.  You see where I am coming from?  So in my
>humble opinion, you need to 1.  document, 2. get the child to
>a dr. no matter how late it is or how many other children are
>in tow, and 3.  get some paperwork from an allergist stating
>the childs allergy to cats.  
>
>You can then with this file a motion in court to 1.  either
>not expose the child to cats or areas where cats have been,
>and or 2.  order the BF to give the child his medicaiton.  
>
>But beaar in mind also that if BF takes the child someplace to
>another home for visiting or the zoo, you might run into cat
>issues again so you might want to consider how to cover these
>bases as well.
>
>I hope I did not offend you.
 
Not offended in the least :) I ask because I want to see other peoples take and look at it from outside my shoes. I can get tunnel vision when it comes to my kids sometimes :D

I understand what you mean about taking him right away... but I didn't feel it was an emergency. He wasn't pale and lips weren't blue. And after he sat in steam he felt better. My taking him to the ER at 11 at night to sit for 4 hours [we live in a small city but the hospital covers a very large area] wouldn't have resolved much. By the time he had his appt at 11:30 he wasn't wheezing. The doc gave him a medication to help in the future.

I have documented via medical records and emails to his dad. I do have the test results from 2005 saying that my son is highly allergic to cat hair.
And because it isn't necessarily an emergency, that's why I was asking if I should even file, or will I just make the courts angry in doing so.

There are a lot of other issues, as there always is and this is just the one that's on the surface at the moment :) Thanks for everyones help and advice.

~Eva

[wysiwyg]

i think it is worth pursuing definately, but its how you go about it to resolve it that becomes the issue, you know.  Why donlt you start with the dr, get a letter from the doctor adn ask that he send it to your ex and a copy to you, that is a good start at documentation too, then go from there.

[mistoffolees]

I might go so far as to ask the doctor to call the ex. For some people, that would greatly improve the chances of compliance.