some advice on parental alienation and right to first refusal

[tilldeathdouspart]

hello and god bless all. up until a few weeks ago me and the mom of my 3 yesr old daughter shared 50/50 custody and placement. well contrary to my childs best interests the gender biased one sided judge granted sole legal custody and primary placement to the mom with no circumstantial incriminating evidence of anything in regards to my daughter.  this change was based on lies and i am going to do whatever it takes to get my placement back at 50/50.


Anyways since my daughters birth and the seperation of me and her mom, mom has done just about everything to keep my kid from me and it was only the help of the G.A.L and court at that time that got me the custody i had. Back then the mom would do whatever she could to locate someone besides me to watch our kid while at work or whatever else. I brought up the right to first refusal at that time along with parental alienation and her lawyer must have warned her, but those topics were never put in the court order.

now that mom has taken my daughter from me i am wondering if i should bring these things up to her again or let her keep doing it and then use it against her, because she now has my kid in childcare when she KNOWS that i am available due to my work schedule i was always available more that she was which upset her, so keeping my kid from me was her way of trying to "show" me. I mean obviously if the mom KNOWS darn well that i am available and chooses to take my daughter somewhere else kinda proves that she is alienating me right??? What i am trying to do is document averything against the mother so i can build my case. Yeah i know and hear it all the time, she is the mother of my kid, well whatever we do not get along and that has no affect of the love i give my daughter. Any advice about this would be great, or any advice on how to get my custody back would be fantastic. Thanks  

[mistoffolees]

The problem with getting advice here is that no one knows the entire story or the other side of the story. While you say she's alienating you, she may have other reasons that we're not hearing. Please don't read that as saying that I don't believe you - because I do. But there are always two sides to a story and her side might be quite believable to a court. The point is that you have to play to the court and give them what they want to hear. You won't win by making an enemy of the judge.

Therefore, I suggest:
1. Talk to a local attorney. I do not believe you're likely to get any change in custody, but you have a pretty good chance of getting a modification to your order to include right of first refusal (you'll need to clarify this because RofFR only applies for overnights in some cases so you'll want to be specific). Alternatively, you could ask the court to specifically address the child care issue.
2. It's time to start working on the way you describe things. "gender biased one sided judge" isn't a very helpful description. You need to approach the judge with the utmost respect and recognition that they're trying to do their best. If you have the attitude that they're cheating you, it will show through and that doesn't help your case.
3. Alienation is the same thing. It's easy to talk about alienation, but it's much harder to prove it. I would suspect that you're better off to not talk about alienation, but rather to talk about the unnecessary cost of child care as well as the likelihoood that the daughter will do better with a parent than with a stranger.

Good luck.

[tilldeathdouspart]

thanks again for the info. I can tell you that if i sat here and disclosed my entire story there would be no room for anything else. I have been trying to bring up the bad things and also what has just happened in my recent custody change.

I am hurt, sad, depressed, mad argry and just about every other feeling and emotion that comes to mind. I have one lawyer telling me he can get my custody back, another tellin gme good luck and i hear all kinds of mixed messages and have no idea what to believe. I do however know that This custody change does not in any way represent my daughters best interests. Over 2 years ago the order of 50/50 joint custody was mad in her best interests. I was good enough to be in her life then, now some brand new judge does not think so, something is wrong there.

No harm was done to my child by me ever, nor wiill there ever be any. There just was no substantial info the change anything. The fact that me and mom do not communicate as much as we should which was the judges basis for this change has no bearing on my fatherhood. Since this change in custody/placement i have over 5 verbally abusive/threatning messages from my kids mom, but yet they wonder why i choose not to talk to her. This has nothing to do with me or her mom it is about our Daughter and I WILL FIGHT THIS UNTIL IT KILLS ME!!!!

[ocean]

Once the parents start fighting then it is hard to stay 50/50. The judge is then asked who would be a better parent to make the every day decisions. 50/50 only works if both parents work together....

YOu can go back and ask for your visitation be increased to when the child is in childcare. At 3 years old, mom can say it is pre-school and the courts will probably allow it. See if you can get involved at the school. GO and read a book to her class or bring in a project for them to do. Ask the teacher if they need anything...Be involved.

Good luck!