Today's drama - no exchange

[dipper]

In our agreement/custody order, it states that if the mother goes into the hospital she is to let us know within 48 hours and we can exercise the right to take custody of the child.  She will remain in our care during the time of the mother's hospitilization.   


The mother called us Sunday to say she was going in the hospital today and wanted her mother to still get the child at today's usual exchange and keep her the mother's usual time.   In fact, she said our son had agreed to this and he had not.  In return, after talking with son, we told her that her mother could not have the entire visitation.  The child was going to be left with someone she does not know well during the day.  We were not comfortable with that and frankly, do not trust her mother either.  His ex-gf never wanted her mother to keep the child alone before moving in with her.


We did offer, in text, that she could pick up child on Thursday evening and bring her back to our usual exchange on Saturday morning.  Mother questioned when she would see child and we told her on Friday.  She just said "yeah" back.


She started the threats yesterday and today told our son that she is i the hospital but her mother would be picking child up at 6:00 p.m. this evening, as usual.   


We are not going to the exchange.   We know we are in our legal rights.  She says her mother is going to bring child to the hospital on Wednesday and Thursday - this is a long trip....80 miles one way!!   Her mother only visited her in the hospital three times during her 57 days of hospitilization in the past year, so this is a maneuver on their part to say we are denying her the right to see her child.


Since we are in our legal rights to deny - how bad do you think this would look in court when we go for the full custody hearing?

[ocean]

What exactly does it say about when she goes to hospital? Does it spell out that the other grandmother get visitation?

Nothing will happen in court except to clarify what happens in the future. Be careful what you say/text but have evidence of what you do. Text other grandparent "We will following the court order as it states when xx is in the hospital, we keep custody until xx"  If it does not spell it out then write "until we hear from you that xx was discharged from the hospital and then we will restart the agreement as written"

[dipper]

It states specifically that we will have custody of the child during the entire time of mother's hospitilization.  There are no allowances for the maternal grandmother.   She never helped out before..it was always us that took care of the baby that is why the mother signed it to begin with.  What we are doing is what we have always did. 


The order even says if mother is ill and cannot take care of child, we have to approve of sitter or my son exercises his right to take her during that time.

[ocean]

Ok, then do the second option I wrote. This way grandma is not taking child to hospital, back and forth. If she is going to be there a long time then maybe offer "if xx will be admitted for an extended amount of time, we are willing to meet one day at the hospital for xx to see her mother, please let us know so we can make arrangements".

[dipper]

Thank you.  When the grandmother texted asking when we were bringing her, I texted that we would be following the custody order.   Since then, the mother has texted how we are preventing her from having her child and the child should be with her mother, but other than stating that we were following custody order I have not answered.


She has called numerous times, but we have not answered.  She did text that she would appreciate if we answer her calls when baby is with us.  I just do not want the drama and arguing.  I don't want it to go against us, but we really do not want the arguing.

[Waylon]

You might want to look in to the Intent To Exercise Visitation (http://deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.118) letter, perhaps for future use.

(http://deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.118)

[dipper]

Thank you.  So far she has not actually refused us visitation - but keeps threatening and makes every visitation difficult.   She questions everything in the order that she pretty much scripted.  We did ask for the part about hospitilization time as we have always kept the child and she agreed.  In fact, when her mother asked for that part to be changed, she told her it was not going to be changed.  That was before she moved in with her mom, now everything needs to be changed according to them.

[ocean]

You did great, just ignore. Put phone away or mute so you are not dealing with it when it happens. Once every few days, you can send one text/pic to the baby's mother stating how baby is doing. Do not answer her craziness and if she continues then stop the messages/pics as she was harassing you. If possible do this all from dad's cell phone. Grandparents rarely win against bio parents in court. So do everything through dad, you can help him from behind he scenes but in court, dad will be the one fighting for custody with you secondary. How long does she think her hospital stay will be?