New single father needs advice on custody

[Che]

I had a daughter on April 6th with my exgirlfriend.   I was hoping we would be able to communicate and be able to raise our daughter together even though we are apart.  I now believe that we need a more structured arrangement and I want to create some sort of legal custody arrangement with her.  I at first assumed since she was the mother she would automatically get the baby and I would be the one visiting.  After thinking about it I am not so sure that she would actually be the best choice between the two of us as the custodial parent.  I am wondering how to go about arranging a custody agreement.  I would like the baby to live with me but I am sure she wont like that.  What sort of direction do I need to go in?  I live in Arizona and am basically clueless about all this.  Any advice would be appreciated.

[Jade]

>I had a daughter on April 6th with my exgirlfriend.   I was
>hoping we would be able to communicate and be able to raise
>our daughter together even though we are apart.  I now believe
>that we need a more structured arrangement and I want to
>create some sort of legal custody arrangement with her.  I at
>first assumed since she was the mother she would automatically
>get the baby and I would be the one visiting.  After thinking
>about it I am not so sure that she would actually be the best
>choice between the two of us as the custodial parent.  I am
>wondering how to go about arranging a custody agreement.  I
>would like the baby to live with me but I am sure she wont
>like that.  What sort of direction do I need to go in?  I live
>in Arizona and am basically clueless about all this.  Any
>advice would be appreciated.

She does automatically get the baby as right now she is the only proven parent until paternity is established through the courts.  What you need to do is file to establish paternity (child support and custody will also be addressed as soon as paternity is established), given the age of the baby, chances are you aren't going to get custody unless you can prove that she is a danger to the baby.  You probably won't get overnight visits, either (in my state, they don't do overnight visits before 2 years of age).  What you will get is frequent visits each week.  Which is what a baby needs.  The EOW with once during the week isn't frequent enough for an infant.  

[mistoffolees]

>She does automatically get the baby as right now she is the
>only proven parent until paternity is established through the
>courts.  What you need to do is file to establish paternity
>(child support and custody will also be addressed as soon as
>paternity is established), given the age of the baby, chances
>are you aren't going to get custody unless you can prove that
>she is a danger to the baby.  You probably won't get overnight
>visits, either (in my state, they don't do overnight visits
>before 2 years of age).  What you will get is frequent visits
>each week.  Which is what a baby needs.  The EOW with once
>during the week isn't frequent enough for an infant.  
>

It's going to depend on the state. Some states are more likely to award joint legal and physical custody than others.

I'd be shooting for joint legal from the start and shared physical. The parenting plan should include frequent shorter visits while the baby is very young, with the length of the visits increasing (and the frequency declining) as she gets older. The target should be 50:50 with every other week alternation by the time the child is about 8. While few parenting plans are written that way, I think they should be. What's best for an infant isn't what's best for a teenager.

In any event, you do need to establish paternity and file for joint custody in order to get any rights at all. See an attorney ASAP. The longer you let it slide, the less likely you are to get what you want.

[Che]

 
>It's going to depend on the state. Some states are more likely
>to award joint legal and physical custody than others.
>
>I'd be shooting for joint legal from the start and shared
>physical. The parenting plan should include frequent shorter
>visits while the baby is very young, with the length of the
>visits increasing (and the frequency declining) as she gets
>older. The target should be 50:50 with every other week
>alternation by the time the child is about 8. While few
>parenting plans are written that way, I think they should be.
>What's best for an infant isn't what's best for a teenager.
>
>In any event, you do need to establish paternity and file for
>joint custody in order to get any rights at all. See an
>attorney ASAP. The longer you let it slide, the less likely
>you are to get what you want.

I signed the birth certificate.  That should be enough for paternity I believe but you suggest that the best course would be to find an attorney?  Are there state agencies to help with constructing a parenting plan or do I really need an attorney?  How would I go about finding a good one?
Thanks for helping.

[mistoffolees]

>I signed the birth certificate.  That should be enough for
>paternity I believe but you suggest that the best course would

It should be enough, but I don't know for sure if there are ways for her to challenge it.

>be to find an attorney?  Are there state agencies to help with
>constructing a parenting plan or do I really need an attorney?
> How would I go about finding a good one?
>Thanks for helping.

Others may disagree, but I believe you need an attorney. In principle, you can do the work yourself, but there are many times when there's no way to correct a mistake and since the mistake is so costly (you could lose your child on a technicality), I think it's worth having a professional. The better they do now, the less it will cost you (emotionally and financially) in the long run.

I would ask around. Surely you must have friends and family members who have dealt with divorce or other family issues. Ask them not only how they liked their attorney, but how well the attorney on the other side did.

I think there's also a place somewhere on this site which lists attorneys with experience in maximizing parental participation in the child's life.

Good luck.

[janM]

Some places may accept the BC, but others may require a DNA test. If I were you I'd go ahead and get one anyway, just to be sure.

Try your state bar association for a good attorney.

Some counties have standard parenting time plans (EOW, one mid-week visit, etc, but it could be different for an infant).