please give your opinion

[John-J-Jay]

Dear Posters,
Yesterday I spoke with my atty regarding my case and he advised me of the following.

As most of you know i'm a single dad raising my daughter i've had custody of for 8 yrs and she's almost 10.

My atty advised me that my ex's stragedy in my case to try to regain custody is she's going to claim i don't have enough time for my child. She claims that my work hours are not good for our child.

I work 7:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. I take my child to before school care and after school from 4 p.m. to around 5:15 my mother (My daughters grandmother) comes to my home to be with my daughter until i arrive which is around 5:15.

My child has also missed 4 days of school this year and missed 3 last year and 3 the year before. So according to my atty she might try to use this as well.

my atty said that this isn't enough to overturn any custody issues, but since you as posters have been thru it on "our" side and not the atty side do any of you see this as a problem with loosing custody?

[notnew]

My child was absent or tardy about 1/2 of the school year last year and the judge said that wasn't enough to transfer custody from the mother to me.

So, your lawyer is right. You are fine.

[HelpingHands]

She's just grasping at straws for anything she can use to make a mountain of a mole hill. She has no leg to stand on so she is going to continue to make issues out of non issues.

My daughter missed I believe 16 days in kindergarten, last yr she missed 13, I believe. Dates were matched with Dr's visits and none were medically necessary. Was it enough to change custody? Nope, but that with ALL the other issues combined it DID become an issue of responsibility.

She's missed 8 so far this yr with me. Why? Death in the family(1 day), 3 days for court(she was required to be in the state of the hearing), 1 bad tummy ache with throwing up and diarreah, 2 days for poison ivy ON her eye lid and one more  missed day for 2 dr appts. You better believe mom will ONLY look at 8 missed days as an issue, along with excused tardies due to COURT ORDERED and needed counseling sessions.

To be honest, at the last court hearing the judge ordered that BM can pick child up - up to twice per month and have her miss one day of school for each of those IN ADDITION to her scheduled weekend visitations, monthly. That alone would be 20 days of missed school days.

SO in short- if that's all she's got, she's got nothing. If she's got that, combined with other perceived 'irresponsible' acts, she MAY be able to make a mountain out of molehill. Change custody based on that? Doubt it. If your child was failing in school, was in need of counseling- and wasn't getting it, dirty, hungry and telling mom she hated living in your house and was going to run away because you are abusing her,  then yah- i'd say the judge might change custody.

Be prepared for the whole 'bag of tricks' from her side. Sometimes it's better to just leave things as they are and not stir the pot. Maybe your attorney should look at her motivations and play on that in your defense.

[John-J-Jay]

Thanks for your response.
The reason I filed the initial motion was the fact she hasn't paid child support in over 4 yrs and i "NEVER" get to have my child during any holidays, when schools out she goes to her mothers. I haven't seen my child on a Christmas or Thanksgiving for 4 yrs nor have we had the opportunity to take a family vacation because we never have the chance during the summer.

But looking at what i have to give the other side for discovery. I don't see anything they can use against me that would be harmful. All they want to know is my debt/income/school records/medical/dental and that's about it.

Do you think me working 7:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. is not healthy for my child? I worked on average 45 hrs last year per week. this year it's around 43 hrs and the OT i get paid is because i work thru my lunch hours.

[HelpingHands]

How else do you suppose you can support your child without child support from the ex *wink*. You have to use her attack on you to combat her reasoning. Follow me? When exactly would you be able to work and not interfere with your parenting time with you daughter? In the evening, when she's home from school? Overnight? Weekends? Following me?

BM doesnt work, because she's on disability. I work night shift(overnights). I was awarded full custody with my work schedule.  You have to have a stable & workable plan and a back up plan and show you are doing what is necessary to support your child.

You have a plan of action for child care- by using the before and after school program, she is expanding her education(not just in 'some day care') Also, the fact that her grandmother is involved DAILY in her life, speaks volumes, as well.

1. she's not failing school, has good attendance, not been shuffled around, not missing extraordinary amount of schooling for no good reason, isn't sickly, isn't abused, etc.

2. she has a parent who is able to financially support her with minimal interference in yours and hers relationship and parenting time. You are there to help with homework, take her to extracurricular activities, etc

3. she has extended family involvement, daily.

WHAT in the world would a JUDGE possibly use as a change of circumstances to pull that child out of that home? When does mom work? How does she support herself, how would she support the child? Who's in and out of her home? New school, new friends, new environment... Minimal contact with family she's had daily contact with.....  

With everything she's asking for , you too, can probe into HER daily affairs.

Are holiday times worth more than the ability to raise your daughter, daily without her interference? I, too, have a BM who gets our daughter on every school break and 6 weeks in the summer. The reward in knowing my daughter is taken care of daily and is in a safe and loving environment is better than any Christmas Day could ever be!

[Jade]

>Dear Posters,
>Yesterday I spoke with my atty regarding my case and he
>advised me of the following.
>
>As most of you know i'm a single dad raising my daughter i've
>had custody of for 8 yrs and she's almost 10.
>
>My atty advised me that my ex's stragedy in my case to try to
>regain custody is she's going to claim i don't have enough
>time for my child. She claims that my work hours are not good
>for our child.
>
>I work 7:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. I take my child to before school
>care and after school from 4 p.m. to around 5:15 my mother (My
>daughters grandmother) comes to my home to be with my daughter
>until i arrive which is around 5:15.
>
>My child has also missed 4 days of school this year and missed
>3 last year and 3 the year before. So according to my atty she
>might try to use this as well.
>
>my atty said that this isn't enough to overturn any custody
>issues, but since you as posters have been thru it on "our"
>side and not the atty side do any of you see this as a problem
>with loosing custody?
>
>
>
>
>

I am a custodial mom and I would love your work hours.  They would allow me more time with my children.  How many hours do you get to spend with her before she goes to bed?  Is she thriving?  

My son missed 6 days of school (perfect attendance until then) because he had a really bad stomache virus that had him curled up in pain on the couch.  

Kids miss school for various reasons.  Usually because they are sick.  There isn't a judge that is going to say that you should have sent a sick child to school.  And schools don't want the kids to come to school sick, either.

I just don't see a judge changing custody in your situation.  Trust your lawyer and continue taking good care of your child.

[John-J-Jay]

thanks for the reply
my child makes the A/B honor role each grading period.

I usually get home around 5:15 p.m. and she goes to bed around 9 to 9:30. We have a routine daily where we have diner by a certain time. While it's cooking, we work on homework, play games or watch tv. After diner and all homework is done we either play basketball or soccer, go walking or riding bikes, or she might play with kids in the neighborhood.

The main thing is I try to let my child be a child. She's only a child once and my whole thinking of bringing this to court is to get my child back to normal. what i mean by that  is she doesn't get to experience any summer time at home where we can take a vacation like Normal people do. No time at Thanksgiving or Christmas, she deserves this.

I know that some posters say that Christmas isn't worth the risk of custody but do I have a real concern of custody? I hope i don't with all I proven over the last 8 years. I pray daily to our loving Lord that he wathces over my child and see's that this is all taken care of to what he beleives is right for my daughter.

I just know that with all the things the ex has said and has done over the years. it's not healthy. Plus i haven't mentioned that i have a counselor that has said on record that my child doesn't need to be exposed to her mother and that it's not healthy for my child to be with her. In fact a prior counselor has said that there is abuse going on at the mother's home. When my child was 6 she was seeing this counselor and in drawings she said that there was some sign of either physical abuse, emotional abuse or the worst.

But how can any be really proven. bottom line is i want my child to be normal as much as possible.

[escape2paradise]

Rest easy,  you'll be fine!

[backwardsbike]

I think your X is wasting her money- but hey- its her's to waste, right?  Relax.  I think you're fine.

I am a NCM. MY x has had custody for the last six years.  I do pay child support.  I have discovered that my DD went 18 months without a medically necessary perscription being refilled.  I had to threaten to motion to modify custody due to his refusal to put braces on the child's teeth that were medically necessary.  My DD was walking around in shoes that had holes in the bottom that were as big a half dollars- yes she was wearing these to school and they were her ONLY shoes.  Her step mom talked dad out of buying her new shoes when her old ones were too small because SM said thy were fine- dad was apparently incapable of checking himself to see if they were too small.

Six years of trips to court and custody never changed, I couldn't even get an order to spend Mother's Day with the children.  If it didn't fall on my EOW I didn't get to see them.  They became alienated and I just terminated visits a month ago.