Completely Overwhelmed

[dipper]

We recently had a disagreement, but the mother of my son's daughter asked us to meet with her last night for a meal and we did.  It was fine...she was very apologetic but a bit pushy at wanting to spend more time together.   She says she still loves my son (he was not there) and wants to put their family back together.   She even suggested we spend Mother's Day together.   


Well, today, I texted to check on the child as her leg was hurting last night.  The mother asked for me to call her - and it's a huge mess.  Her mother is furious that she even spoke with us.  Her mother and a friend went on FB posting really ugly stuff and it all got very out of hand.   The mother of child asked about us possibly picking up child.  Of course we would...but, then she started saying she doesn't want to be separated from child and asking about her coming to our home too.   Now, she used to stay with us often before she left - a year and a half ago......I told her that would make matters much worse with her mom and friend.  Just let us pick up child and she and her mother could work things out and we would bring child back.  She changed her mind then and said she will keep child, but she knows what things will be like when her mom gets home from work.....my husband is going over to speak with her (mother of child that is).   


I am torn because I don't want my grandchild over there and I do have a soft heart - I don't like anyone to feel they have no place to go.   But, we have had so much anger and pain - all of us - and if she comes where does she go tomorrow or the next day?  She cannot live with us or stay beyond two days....I am hoping my husband can talk her into trying to talk with her mother today.  I told him to be gone before her mother comes home though.   


The mother of child says she has nowhere to go...but, I feel she probably could stay with some other friends.

[ocean]

Take her to social service to get temp housing? If things are bad, can she go to a domestic shelter? Does mom have a job? Can you help her find a room to rent near you and she can see child from there?
Ugh....hard to be put in the middle but she really is not your responsibility but knowing child is there is tough. Can do a welfare check on them later with the police if it seems that bad?

[MixedBag]

Good ideas Ocean....Mom doesn't have a job....health problems prevent that.

I'm not sure I'd put her under "my roof" either -- but I'd probably do what I knew to get her on her own two feet.

[dipper]

Thanks ladies.   She did spend the night with us.   I am hoping her mother calms and they can work things out, but it's not the first time this has happened with them, just the first time since grandchild is involved.   Once, they were estranged for about 5 months as our grandchild's mom lived a family friend.  They only got on good terms after finding out about pregnancy.


We are listening but not providing any input as we know it can be turned on us.  We do know that she has been sincere in wanting to work things out with us as a family or at least friends.  That is part of the problem between her and her mom and we got that verified by looking at Facebook comments.   


She knows she cannot stay with us long.   My husband told her a night or two.   I honestly think she does have people to stay with, but is using this situation to be around us.   If she does not want to go back to her mother's house this evening, I will talk to her about social services.  She has a very limited income - SSI.   

[ocean]

Depending on what her health issues are she may qualify for SSDI which will give her kids money to until 18. May look into that too to get her more income. Rooms for rent here are pretty cheap (compared to full apartment/studios) might be an option and offer to take child more until she gets back on her feet.
Im sure her mother is not too happy she came to you so prob won't be resolved tonight...good luck!

[dipper]

Son's ex stayed with us two nights.  She was very animated and loud and exuberant when she spoke.   She went back home Friday - but even knowing she was coming back, her mother threatened to seek custody of granddaughter from her.  Then they went out to eat for Mother's Day that very evening.  Her maternal grandmother saw her and told her she is not welcome in their home until she learns respect for her mother.   


Saturday, we picked up grandchild at our ordered time/place.  A few hours later the mother called me asking our opinion on her moving into a single-wide owned by her paternal family, if it worked out.  We have no opinion other than if it is safe for child and she is able to meet us at the assigned place as in order.   She would have no car of her own.  She said how my husband and I always tell her what we think but support her decisions - this after 19 months of court battles and arguments.


Today she comes over for Mother's Day - her decision as we were perfectly willing to let her have child for several hours.   She tells us that her friend and two sons are moving in with her and her mother!!   This is crazy for several reasons, but I bit my tongue and never said anything.   The friend is the one who, along with her mother, created all the drama around 5 days ago.  The friend was extremely rude and supported child's grandmother - not her best friend, the child's mother.   They have not even spoke since then.   The friend has lived away from this area for at least 3 years.   I am thinking more like 4.   Child's mother and grandmother have a three bedroom home and are going to take in friend and her 2 sons. 


I did a little snooping on fb and found the friend got into a fight with her own MOTHER last night, whom she and her children live with.   

[MixedBag]

I saw an ad on facebook -- and heck, there's a whole show about them -- for a tiny house and thought of your situation.  They're quite fancy though.  I know someone who took one of those wooden sheds (one of the larger ones) an converted it into a small house -- expenses low and he has very little income. 

The ad was for one to replace a "nursing home" maybe for "your parents" when they get elderly but still want their own space.

Best wishes to the solution.....MOM found....based on what you said -- it's short term peace.  Like maybe one day.

[dipper]

Our grandchild's mother's emotions have been very unstable, so now it's almost an anxious feeling waiting for the shoe to drop. 


She cannot get SSDI because she has never worked -she was diagnosed as a toddler.   


We have thought of those 'sheds' as homes - for our own children!  They can actually be done very nicely...