Wife comitted adultery and our child was in the same room.

[Davy]

>> In my case, my ex tried to accuse me of all sorts of
>> things and she was told that she needed proof.
>> The court didn't accept her unsubstantiated
>> statements, either. It had nothing to do with gender.

The only way I could see that happening is if you and your ex-wife were both of the female gender.

[mistoffolees]

>>> In my case, my ex tried to accuse me of all sorts of
>>> things and she was told that she needed proof.
>>> The court didn't accept her unsubstantiated
>>> statements, either. It had nothing to do with gender.
>
>The only way I could see that happening is if you and your
>ex-wife were both of the female gender.
>

Would you please stop the stupid personal attacks? You don't have any idea what my situation is and you can't even get my gender right - even after repeatedly being corrected.

Your incessant personal attacks make it impossible for anyone to take you seriously.

[mistoffolees]

>On a side note, I have a cousin who is very close to both of
>us and has tried to remain neutral in this whole situation.
>My stbx called her that same day and confided in her as to
>what she has done.  I can definitely get her to testify as
>well should it come to it.  But again, she has no visual proof
>either.  Just word of mouth.  ><
>
>And as for my stbx, I know her well enough to assume that she
>won't deny any of it.  She's pretty honest when it comes to
>being under oath in court (and yes, she has been to court
>several times for other minor things ((unrelated)).


Your cousin will be able to testify. Your ex's statements to the cousin amount to hearsay. Hearsay is generally not admissible, HOWEVER, there are something like 7 exceptions to the hearsay rule and one of them is that someone can testify as to what they were told by one of the parties to the lawsuit. Therefor, those statements would be admissible.

I don't mean to imply that you can't win. As I said, you are in a very strong situation since you have temporary custody. I'm just trying to warn you against being overly confident since rules of evidence are limiting.  If your ex admits what happened, you'll be in even better shape.

Also check with your attorney about the legality of taping phone conversations. If it's allowed in your state, maybe you can get her to admit something on tape.

You have a strong position - good luck.

[AquarianDaddy]

please, could we all get along?  I didnt post this to watch board members start attacking one another, I posted it to gain some insight to my own situation.  If you have something that is not directly related to a topic, don't post it.  Thank you :)

[AquarianDaddy]

Ok, so this evening she came to visit with our son and to bring him xmas gifts from her parents.  Now, she had came to visit with him and I had not means of talking about anything with her, yet she still picked and pried and asked why I was not allowing her to take him with her from time to time and why she must be forced to come here, to my current residence to see him.  I simply told her that I do not trust her and am only looking out for our sons own safety.  This made her angry and she began yelling in front of our child.  Her words were very angry and she used the F word several times in front of him as well.  I asked her to tone it down or leave.  She settled down a little and we started talking in a more civil manner.  She then went on to say 'what goes around comes around' and claims that she has a means of reversing the temporary custody order that I obtained and will soon have custody of our child.  She also stated that she has physical evidence that I have struck her but I know this cannot be true.  Bluffing?  Probably so.  I then asked her to be honest and to admit if she had been with this man prior to the event in which I caught her, and she still denies that but stated: 'afterwards, yes.  over and over again.  what I do is my business, not yours'    Now this is what leads me to believe she will more than likely subject our child to this type of behavior again and her merely seeing this man, while she has the child, is going to be detrimental to him.

Now, I was not able to physically document any of this aside from write it down in my 'journal'.  My question is, does this type of documentation provide me with any admissable evidence in court?  I have been told to document everything but could someone please define exactly what 'documenting' is as far as to what will be considered as evidence in court?

[mistoffolees]

I think you're doing the right thing. Write down everything that happens while it is still fresh in your mind. Personally, I try to write down everything and don't consider very many things as too small to record. You can always ignore the irrelevant stuff later. Do NOT put anything negative about yourself into the journal without being very, very careful. Try not to use emotionally charged language because it is possible (although unlikely) that your journal would be subpoenaed.

As I understand it, the journal is not admissible. However, when you are on the stand (or talking with the custody evaluator), you will probably be able to consult with the journal to refresh your memory. You will be asked if that is an accurate representation of what happened and you will respond "to the best of my memory, yes".

The journal does several things. First, it gives you a detailed timeline so when you do have to testify, you're less likely to get confused, particularly about dates. Second, it lends plausiblity - because you're recording the incident when it happens, not later. Finally, it will give you and your attorney things to focus on.

It will NOT, by itself, win a case for you because the court has no way to ensure that it's accurate. It is still your word against hers, this just makes your side a bit more credible.

Don't worry about her allegations. I would imagine that a huge percentage of cases have allegations thrown around. She has the same burden you do - what she says doesn't mean much -- only what she can prove.

Record her conversations when she's there if state law allows. Or make sure another adult is there when she drops gifts off or whatever. Her behavior in the presence of the child is absolutely relevant to the issue of custody. It would be nice if someone else besides you witnessed it.

Do NOT give her time with the child unless the court order specifies that she has visitation. If she makes a big enough issue of it, you might volunteer SUPERVISED visitation for her, but only if your attorney allows it.

[AquarianDaddy]

>Record her conversations when she's there if state law allows.
>Or make sure another adult is there when she drops gifts off
>or whatever. Her behavior in the presence of the child is
>absolutely relevant to the issue of custody. It would be nice
>if someone else besides you witnessed it.

Well, we are currently residing with my grandmother.  She witnessed her rage  and swearing in front of our child.  I had remained pretty stoic the whole time she was here, pretty much absorbing everything she had said and done.  Then when I felt things got too heated I told her to leave.

>Do NOT give her time with the child unless the court order
>specifies that she has visitation. If she makes a big enough
>issue of it, you might volunteer SUPERVISED visitation for
>her, but only if your attorney allows it.

As far as the court order, the only thing that I read was that I was granted temporary custody but there were no specifics on her visiting with him at all.
Also, I left the state of Ohio and moved in with family in Kentucky the day this whole mess happened and was granted the ex-parte temp. custody the following monday.  Now, I do not know Ohio's law regarding relocating but am I in the wrong for leaving the state with my child if I was designated as the temporary residential parent of the child?  My lawyer knew of this when I first filed for divorce/emergency ex-parte custody and I do recall asking him and I believe he said there would be no problem with it.  I will definitely be calling him tomorrow so we can arrange to meet and discuss my case more thoroughly.  
  Now, considering how horrible she performed tonight, should I cut off her visiting with him entirely until this goes to court or should I allow it and just let her dig herself deeper and start tape recording her every visit (discreetly).  I find that she easily loses it whenever she comes over and her actions seem very in despair.

[mistoffolees]

>Well, we are currently residing with my grandmother.  She
>witnessed her rage  and swearing in front of our child.  I had
>remained pretty stoic the whole time she was here, pretty much
>absorbing everything she had said and done.  Then when I felt
>things got too heated I told her to leave.

That's very good for your position. Admittedly, family members aren't the best witnesses since it is assumed that they're going to favor the family member, but it's still corroborating evidence. It would certainly help to back up your story.

>As far as the court order, the only thing that I read was that
>I was granted temporary custody but there were no specifics on
>her visiting with him at all.
>Also, I left the state of Ohio and moved in with family in
>Kentucky the day this whole mess happened and was granted the
>ex-parte temp. custody the following monday.  Now, I do not
>know Ohio's law regarding relocating but am I in the wrong for

I don't know the answer to that. You should consult with your attorney on the matter.  If you have sole legal custody (even on a temporary basis), you might be within your rights to prevent her from taking the child, but I just don't know.

>leaving the state with my child if I was designated as the
>temporary residential parent of the child?  My lawyer knew of
>this when I first filed for divorce/emergency ex-parte custody
>and I do recall asking him and I believe he said there would
>be no problem with it.  I will definitely be calling him
>tomorrow so we can arrange to meet and discuss my case more
>thoroughly.  

If your attorney said it was OK, I don't see any problem. Even if the judge says that you shouldn't have done it, you were acting on advice from attorney, so you are unlikely to be penalized. As it was explained to me, if there's nothing in the agreement discussing it, you are free to go whereever you wish.

>  Now, considering how horrible she performed tonight, should
>I cut off her visiting with him entirely until this goes to
>court or should I allow it and just let her dig herself deeper
>and start tape recording her every visit (discreetly).  I find
>that she easily loses it whenever she comes over and her
>actions seem very in despair.

When you talk with the attorney about the legality of recording her in your state. In my state, you can record your own conversation with an adult without permission, but may not under any circumstances record a child (I'm not sure what the rationale was for that). Your state may vary.

It seems like the ideal situation might be for you to volunteer to let the mother have visitation, but only if it's supervised. That protects you and the child, but also makes you the one proposing visitation - which is an indication that you're trying to work with her. It seems to me that this would be better than completely denying her visitation, but I'm not an attorney, so check with yours.

[AquarianDaddy]

So, I got a letter in the mail today from my STBX's lawyer requesting a rehearing regarding ex-parte custody and a restraining order against me. She states that I have no license BUT have sporadically showed up at her residence unannounced (funny, if I can't drive, how does this happen?). She is the one driving around on suspended license. I have no vehicle of my own but have very reliable transportation through my father and others in my family. She also stated that my employment has been unstable, and that I have abused her in the past. Now the abusive part is all allegations and she has never ever filed domestic violence charges (or any other charges on me) in the past.

Any advice on what may happen here?