Boyfriends exwife/son

[terrilynn]

ok, this is a little messy. There is a woman I work with and became friends (sort of) with, she is DW. About 2 weeks after meeting her I moved into a new apartment, turns out that it is above her DH. I was friendly with her for about 1 1/2 months before I met DH. He and I hit it off well, I discussed my dating DH with DW, and although it would be weird, she said she was ok with it, he was a great guy and we would be good together, very encouraging. Well, a couple weeks later she changed her mind. Knowing her better, I decided that my relationship with DH was more important to me than her friendship.

Before I started dating DH, they had a decent relationship, they have joint custody, with reasonable and liberal visitation, and had agreed after divorce decree that they would share time one week with DW and the one with DH. They also agreed in writing to no child support.

Now, because DH wouldnt stop dating me, she wants back childsupport and is refusing visitation and their previously agreed on activities for the son also. She is demanding that I not attend any of son's activities or she'll cause a scene and is now telling son that he cannot see me. I have a daughter of my own that I have full custody of and there is no reason for him not to see me other than her anger.

She calls him screaming constantly. She told me to my face she was only doing this to hurt him, knowing it was also hurting her son. DH has everything on tape and in writing. He is keeping track of all times she denies him. Its a big mess, she cant continue to do this. All this because "he stole her friend". My friendship wasnt too strong to begin with, I didnt respect her due to multiple sexual partners, pending felony charges, and many other things.

DH is going to try to get equal custody and no child support. What are the possibilities considering her behavior? What is the first step he needs to take if he cant afford an attorney?

[oneandonly]

Some questions?

What does the current court order say regarding all of this? You say joint custody, and "agreed to in writing to no support" but what does the court order state?
What state are you in?

[terrilynn]

We are in VA, the current court order states "joint legal and physical custody" with visitation "liberal and reasonable as agreed upon by the parties".  For the past 2 years they have been going every other week, now she is telling him he will only see his son everyother weekend, and they live in the same small town. The whole week he has his son, he is home with him.

As for child support, it was based on him only seeing him weekends cause she was planning to move to PA, which she didnt do. It was set at 300 mth, but then they agreed that since custody would be split, he wouldnt need to pay. She sent him an email with all of this outlined.

[Kitty C.]

If he is basing his non-payment of support on her e-mail and NOT a CO, he's screwed.  I just hope we're not talking about years here.

But she HAS set a precedence with the one week on, one week off custody, even tho it's not in the CO.  If he can 'prove' it in court (receipts, documentation, etc.), what he must ask for is to 'maintain status quo', which just means he wants to keep custody as it is.  But support DOES need to be ironed out, WITH an order, not just verbally or by e-mail.

You mentioned something about felonies regarding her??  Is this something in the past, ongoing, or coming up?  Because if it's ongoing or coming up (and depending on how much time BM is looking at doing if convicted), the BF also better be looking at a reversal of custody, depending on what the felonies are about.  I strongly recommend a good atty.

As for her putting up a scene if you show up, let her, as the ONLY person she will be embarrassing is herself.  It's also guaranteed to make the child question his mother's mental capasity, regardless of age.   But if it is a 'public' event, there is NOTHING that she can do to keep you from attending, short of getting an RO on you.  Go, and show just who is the adult here........

[terrilynn]

As far as CS goes, its only been a few months, so lucky there. I just spoke to him and he just got the paper work to fill out and get the case moved over to Juvenile and Domestic relations and get the support reduced and custody ordered.

The felonies are for larcen, she broke into an exboyfriend's and stole his computer system. It is ongoing, her trial is in just a couple weeks. Hopefully she will have to do some time, in which case he could get full custody.

I really do want the two of them to get along. My ex and I get along well and treat each other with respect. It is best for our daughter.

Thanks for the encouragement.