What should we do?

[mommie2trev]

My Dh has custody of his three yo son. The Bm has not been much in his life since we got sole custody. Currently she has not called for two months.And before that it was two months before she called. She never sends him lettersor gifts for his b'day or christmas and  has not seen him in over a year.

My ss is set to have surgery on the 26th of this month to have his tonsils taken and adnoids taken out. My question is, should I find a way to get in touch with her and tell her? She has no phone so it will have to be me calling all over the US trying to find out where she is.She lives in Tennessee and we live in Georgia.
The mother in me says I should let her know. But the other part of me says why even bother if she doesn't care enough to call but every couple of months or so.. What do you guys think?

[Kitty C.]

If you have a way of getting in touch with her, then make the attempt.  If there's others in her family that you can contact, then try there.  But do NOT over-extend yourself.  Document all attempts (keep the phone bill) to CYA.  If she acknowledges and/or appears, so be it.  And if she doesn't, consider the source and take care of your SS.

[nosonew]

I personally would make ONE attempt, and then stop.  If she doesn't care enough to call and check on him, and you have no phone number for her, only a state, that is her fault, not yours.  Best wishes to him for a fast recovery.  He will love the popsickles and ice cream!

[joni]

Follow your instincts, you're right, document your attempt to contact her very well, don't overextend yourself.  I agree, she's not made that easy for you.  

You'll need to document this later so she can't use it against you to say that you intentionally excluded her from her child's life.  And on the odd for instance that she does show up for the surgery, be happy for your child that their mom was there.  Irregardless of the loser that she is, it will mean alot to the child.  And you'll know that she'll go back to her old ways after that!

[mommie2trev]

Thanks for your advice.... I will try to get in touch with her... I have been documenting every time she calls, how long the calls are, etc.
Of course DH says he doesn't think we should call but I know he is letting his feelings about this whole situation cloud his judgement. But thankfully he is leaving it up to me.


Thanks again for your advice. I will let you guys know how it turns out.