mentally abusing

[blondebimbo4899]

in my court order for visitation it states no belittling or calling of names.  My 13 yr. old does not want to go with his dad or even be around him, because his father keeps calling him stupid, and he doesnt know how to do anything, and im sueing your mom because you live with her, and calling me names(which I could care less about), but the point being, the father does not have to say these things to my son. I have contacted lawyers and they say just write it down and keep track of it! What good does that do??!!  He continues doing it!  I was mentally and my son and I were both phsyically abused by this man, but ya know, fathers have rights??!!  I have contacted children and youth, they re coming here Monday of next week to talk to us.  Hopefully this will do some good!  I am very angry this man keeps getting away with this, because my son has learning disorders and Post traumatic stress disorder and emotional problems.  I have researched mental abuse and its my son to a *T*!  What can I do? After all these years, this man still frightens me.  I ve tried contempt charges, but lawyers just tell me to keep track.  What to do????  :O(  I feel so bad for my son, he actually cries.  If i dont send him on visits, can the dad get me for contempt?   It would be my sons chose though.  I dont want to keep him from his father, but the dad needs to stop this!   HELP!!!!!

[SallyandJack]

if your son is scared and doesn't want to go with him - then maybe he can help accomplish this...afterall - he is 13 and kids today that age can be pretty savy

buy a small activated cassette recorder and teach your son how to use it.  and then, when he is with the father, he can record these incidents.   Maybe he can wear a jean jacket where there are pockets that can conceal the recorder or a book bag with a pocket, or if your son has a bedroom in his father's home and the abuse occurrs often in the bedroom then there would be plenty of places where he can conceal the recorder....and soon there will be evidence enough for you to go back to court with.  I did this years ago when someone was abusing me in the workplace and it worked like a charm.  However - I was in my 20's.

if you are too scared that this type of action, if found out by the father, will bring harm to your son then maybe it is just best to go back to court and have your son speak to the judge.

in any event - if you do nothing then your son may eventually learn that this behavior is ok and he may fall into himself in the future.

i've never had any experience with children & youth services or counselors with regard to abuse.  It could help.  But - this man will never misbehave in front of anyone else esp. social workers or counselors(unless he is stupid as well) - these types of people are usually very clever to conceal their abuse.  

i am not an expert - this is just an idea.   good luck.

[CheatedMother]

You know, in your shoes, I'd encourage your son to talk to a neutral 3rd party. A school counselor maybe. Reason being, it's someone ELSE that can help him, support him.  If you have a documented, founded abuse history, that in itself would be enough to warrent concern. If you dont, be careful of what you  say and to whom