Meeting with SD's mother Friday - Oh How I Hate This!

[SallyandJack]

I have agreed to meet with my DH's ex on Friday.  The only reason I am doing this is because it will look better in court.

My DH husband didn't have the best lawyer and since he is handicapped, there is a clause in the visitation which says he has to have a superviser.  Right now, his father is listed as superviser.  Anyone else has to be agreed upon by my dh and her.  Big big mistake because she never agrees to anything.  Meanwhile, she has teenage nannies raising the child.

I've already met with her 3-4 times afterwhich she lied about me in a letter to our lawyer.  This has been going on since January - and as a result my husband's visitations have been cut in half.   She continues to not agree to me being superviser only because she wishes to make this difficult for my husband.   She says she 'needs to get to know me better'.  I was fine with this before she lied about me.  I figured, if I were a mother, I would want to know who my daughter is spending time with. But afterwards, I avoided her like the plague.  I felt it was just a waste of my time.  And I was just biding time to see if we were going to go to court.  Of course, I knew her purpose for lying was to alienate me.  I have an excellent background, no criminal history, educated, don't do drugs, don't drink...blah blah blah.  And I have already established a very good relationship with her daughter.

The only reason I am agreeing to do it now is that it will look better when we go back to court to change the visitation agreement.  His case is already strong - I just want to make it stronger.

This process should have been simple and could have been.  I don't like her and I don't trust her.  I am only doing this for my husband and the child.  But I will have a close friend of mine sitting very close to us wherever we decide to meet - as a witness.  And I will tape record the entire event.  I am very big on tape recording people I don't trust.

Anyway, she insists on having 'several' meetings with me (her control issues at work here).  But this will be the last time I spend my time and energy on meeting with her.  I will be perfectly nice and polite  - I alway have been.

But How I Hate This! & needed to vent

[patton]

I would go to Radio Shack and get me a "wire"  which is a small recorder you can put in your pocket and tape her when you are in her presence.  

If you know anyone in a police department you might borrow one and try it out.

If not they are about $50.00 and well worth the price.  The ex is hardly ever expecting you to wear a wire.

[mango]

Ditto. I would record teh whole thing. A small recorder in the pocket or something.

Be as nice as you can, smile, and take the high road.

[SallyandJack]

update -

we met with a new lawyer today - one who is part of that matrimonial elite.  I actually happen to like her.

Anyway - she said that under no circumstances should I meet with ex-wife or should my husband try to negotiate.  This has been my gut all along.  My husband has never been able to successfully negotiate anything with her and has acquiesced way too much.  He has empowered her to this point.  This is why we are even in this situation.

My gut is telling me not to meet with her.  But I asked socratese for opinion because my husband is still in denial over this. He is still hoping that she will work with us.

She won't.

i personally need a vacation!

[gipsy]

First about recording , It won't do you ANY good and in Wash state it is illegal to record with out both parties consent , So IF I were to meet with her I would require consent . IN WASH state   the process is as follows , The commissioner or judge  will want a guardian ad Litem report before they  do any thing , It happened to me , When the commissioner had the report wich was good for me , The commissioner gave me a parenting plan , My atty explains it this way , The judge doesn't have time to go out and meet people and find out what is going on , So there is a Guardian ad litem appointed to report what is going on to the judge , Then if the GAL report is good for you then good , the Hardest part to GET THROUGH OUR THICK SKULL  . when in the middle of all this is ,,, Relax do all you can show the court you care about the kids , And all the complaining about the other parent is sensless , they are sick of hearing that crap , I learned right away Its more likely to harm your case by expressing "BAD WILL" toward the other parent , then it is to look like the GOOD PARENT!!! trust me . Unless , there is a substantial and proveable fact about the other parent then leave it out . You want the GAL or court to like you , They know you don't like the other parent , DUH!!! thats why you are in conflict and the court is being asked to settle this By law , BE A GOOD PARENT , And sit back and let the other parent be a jerk ! , DONT let whaT THEY  do make you mad thats there game plan , to get a reaction then point the finger , trust me it happened to me <  the GAL said theres conflict , think about it , who the hell can say wether the chicken or the egg came first , And I agree with the atty you talked to , This woman is not out to make good of any thing , she already slandered you , Get a clue , This is a court process , Let Your atty guide you through the  process , And Don't do any thing that puts you at risk , I would not do it if your atty said not to ,

[SallyandJack]

thank you

[SallyandJack]

yes - but i just hope we don't look like the bad parents by canceling our meeting with sd's mother....

[mango]

Well I can't see much of anything good coming from meeting her anyways. No matter (and I know by 8 years of experience) how nice, pleasant, wonderful, your are teh BM will always find fault. They (in my case) hate the air you breathe, so they will twist the situation into something it wasn't.

Glad you don't have to go through it. :-)

[SallyandJack]

I am so glad I did not go through with meeting her.  Socro thought I should - his quote was 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer.'  But I canceled because in my gut I didn't feel good about it.

I am glad because she sent another letter full of lies & excuses to our lawyer.  I received it yesterday although the lawyer had received the day before we were supposed to meet.  So, on one hand she is telling us she wants to 'work this out' and then with the other hand, she sends a bs letter to our lawyer?  

Bottom line is that she doesn't want to work anything out but she doesn't want to go to court either.  She probably thought if she met with us she could gain control of the situation somehow.  And Gipsy - I agree with you - she definately wanted more ammunition.

thanks for your input