getting visitation during separation (not divorced)

[Dad4]

'AJ' Reynolds
How can I get visitation of my kids, when my wife will not allow me to see the kids?  We are not divorced.  Do I need to get a legal separation?  If so, I would imagine that along with a legal separation would stipulate visitation?  Would it also stipulate child support?

[Peanutsdad]

Depending on your state, it could be done any number of ways. In any case..you really dont give enough information to go on.

Is a divorce in the picture?

Was there family violence?

Is there drug or alcohol abuse?


Your ability to obtain visitation would hinge on any of several issues. In any case,, once you file a temp motion on the visitation issue,, count on a counter motion for child support. Here are a few links to get started.




http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=+evaluation

One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is crucial, and these pages will help get you started (some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information):

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

General search on 'documentation':
http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=documentation&Match=1&Realm=All


Also, get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is free, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

[SallyandJack]

you should be able to see your kids even if you are separated and unless their are problems, as peanutsdad asked.  The fact that she isn't letting you see them most likely indicates that you will have problems down the road with her in terms of vindictiveness and alienation.  But if you educate yourself now and get a good lawyer you can try to minimize future potential problems.

It would be so great if when two people got divorced, they actually thought of the children.  But too often, one parent causes a lot of problems for the other, out of anger, out of selfishness - and these problems mainly end up hurting the children.  Child support shouldn't be the issue for you.  Your main concern should be what is in your children's best interest.

that is why documenting everything is so important for you. and the parent tracker program is excellent.

also...you need to think ahead.  if divorce is going to happen you need to position yourself so that you always look good - assuming that you are a good dad.  you always have to keep in mind what is in the best interest of the children.  don't loose your temper towards your ex...don't send nasty emails, don't make nasty phone calls.  stay professional. don't do anything that will make you look bad if & when you go to court. and don't give in or give up for less than you deserve.  even if you are separated, you should be asking for alternate weekends, at least 1 afternoon after school during the week, alternate holidays, and you need make sure that you are specific in the visitation plan.  indicate pickup times, and dropoff times and then follow whatever is in the plan to the letter. And try to maximize your parenting plan now because it isn't always that easy to change and if your ex is vindictive, she will look for ways to prevent you from getting more in the future.

the road from separation to divorce can be a long one.  the fight can get hard but you are lucky that you found this sight now. read everything you can on this site.  

also...one other thing.  I am not an expert in cs issues and I am sure that many other people will chime in as to their experience.  My ex paid child support through out the three years of his separation.  He did it willingly.  He loves his daughter and money was never the issue.  I don't know what the rules are.  But - wouldn't it look better for you if you willingly started paying cs (after finding out how much you should pay so that you don't overpay)?  Like I said, I am no expert, but in my opinion, I would think that this shows that you have your children's best interest in mind.

[gipsy]

thats all true , And one word of advice , Get the paper filed for temp visits ,  I filed for divorce my self just to get the court date set untill I got an atty , And I had no children with this woman , But the divorce /legal separation papers , Ask if there are children involved and the person at the commissioner service desk was very helpfull , You may consider going to the court and seeing if you can just file for visits , with out filing for divorce or separation , The issue of child support doesn't matter , If she files for it now or later she can ask for back support , The risk you are takeing is losing the time with your kids and . Letting het learn to get away with it , And most important , Is interview a few atty's and read atty selection on this site , And be sure to get an atty that gives you the Idea that he doesn't file shit to make it worse , , Theres really a process  and thats it , Just get it filed , Or lose the time with your kids , I wouldn't put up with it , But I know you have to think long and hard before starting the process of divorce , Try interviewing like three atty's and ask them what to do to see your kids ./

[ready4change]

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/thelist.htm


Look at this created by Tom, some of the info may help you protect you and your children's best interests.

Good Luck!!

[tjraid18]

     This is a great site for advice and encouragement. Look around and read what you think might apply to you. I think more than anything, I have been encouraged to try getting more rights with my kids in the short time I've been here. You will still face all the frustrating problems of running into dead ends (and worse) when dealing with the courts or other state agencies, like child support. But here you will see people willing to offer advice where they can --- and who care, because they are going through what you are.
     Definitely document. I had a lot of trouble doing it and it cost me a lot of time with my kids. There should be lots of advice about documenting. Technicues and what not. It will be vital in court. After your divorce is complete be prepared for the fight to get your visitation. You will have it on paper, but if the ex doesn't let you see them, YOU will need to keep taking her back to court to enforce it. This is where I've seen a lot of guys give up. Don't. If you stick to your guns and keep showing the court that shes denying your parenting time --- it will pay off. Up to, and including you getting custody.
      Before I filed my divorce papers my ex filed a restraining order using false information. When I contested it, the judge (I had a good one) turned it into a civil mutual restraining order (NO ABUSE) against each other, and added temporary visitation. You should be able to file for temporary visitation at the courthouse. There should be a form specifically for that. Once you file, she can contest it, but you will go before a judge and be able to tell them your side and that you want to have visitation and she is not letting you.Thats where the documentation comes in handy. Have you contacted a mediator? They can help the two of you come to a parenting schedule agreement. Try sending copied notariazed letters in advance of when you want to see the kids. You can keep a copy, send her one, her attorney one,your attorney one. It worked for me for a while.       Good Luck!!!

                                                                      tj

                             ~ From small acorns grow mighty Oaks ~