"Motion to Ammend...HELPPPPP!!!"

[stepmom2b]

           We were given custody of my step children 11/02. Visitation with mother is as follows:
sring break even # years, one month in the summer (june21-July21), 1 week christmas with mother haveing children christmas day in odd 3 years, all contact between children and *****(mothers husband) to be supervised by an adult other than the mother and additional visitation as mutually agreed.

Mother files motion to ammend and is requesting the following:Unsupervised visits with *****(mother's husband), 1 weekend per month, ALL school breaks, 6 weeks in summer and additional mutually agreed visits, based on the following reasons:
Thereapy has been completed, therapist reccomends discontinue unsupervised visits. Current order shows additional visits as mutually agreed, custodial parent has refused 6 differnt requests for other visits.

WE have NEVER refused an additional visit as she has never asked for any. We refused her fall break visit last year because she bought her husband with her to pick the children up, police were called. She missed last christmas, calling at 9pm the night before she was to pick them up saying she had the flu and wasn't able to get them for visit. At Spring break visi this past April, we offered 3 additional days, she again called the night before she was suppose dto come and didn't come till 3 days later, on Monday. She called us on Wednesday and told us to come get them, that my sd was sick. Mother lives a good 10 hour drive one way away from us.


1. how do we prepare for this hearing.
2. any documentation we need to bring?
3. will they change visitation so soon after this was agreed on (nov. 26 2002)

 
 

[joni]

what's the issue with supervised visitations with her husband and why were the police called?  how old are the children, how many children, why were you given custody?  you can't post here and not give all the details.  you won't get the best advice...and with that in mind, I'm sure I'm missing the boat on you with the following so don't get mad at me.

did you mistype, did the therapist recommend discontinuing supervised visitations?  if they did, look like mom's taking that ball and running with it.  If the therapist is court appointed by the judge, the judge is going to listen to the therapists's recommendations.  if the therapist is recommending unsupervised, why is that and why are you still against it?  and if you fight it, the judge may see you as being difficult.  remember, judges like mommy's...whether they're custodial or noncustodial.

if the therapy is done and the therapist is recommending the next step, it would look good on you to be cooperative and offer a compromise on the parenting plan, something less than she proposed and more than she currently has.  

looks like mom is asking for the standard, long distance visitation and then some.  sounds like she has decent and aggressive counsel, ask for more, settle for less.

most parenting plans for long distance non custodials are standard for 6 weeks during the summer because the NCP doesn't get every other weekend (that's 12 missed weekends of 24-36 missed days or visitation) or weekday visitations.  usually they alternate the holidays, Thanksgiving every other year, split Christmas in half and alternating the actual Christmas Day, alternate spring break every other year.  As far as commuting the child, offer to meet her half way.  you'll look stellar in the eyes of the judge or pay for 1/2 airfare.

look at the standard for your state on long distance parenting and offer her that.  it should be in your state's parenting guidelines and that info in available on line.  as far as the she said/you said on the denials, finger pointing and lying is standard and often encouraged in family court.

on your answer to her motion, don't elaborate but simply state the facts on the missed visitations or nixed (by her) visitations like you said above.  keep it simple, otherwise you'll look defensive.

It's actually been 19 months since your agreement and assuming court ordered therapy has been completed, it's fairly normal for the parties to take the next step with increasing visitation.

[stepmom2b]

Sorry, I haven't been here in a while.  A little background on our case:
My husband is the father of the two youngest of 5 children, ages 8 and 6.  They separated at the end of 1998. After seaparation, mother constantly refused any visits, we went months with no phone contact, etc..... Nothing was filed until 2000, mother took all children from KY to CA, without our knowledge. To try to simplify and make a LOOONNGGG story as short as possible.  Mother was remarried to current husband for almost two years beofre she was found out (bigamy), she forged her own divorce papers, has 96 CPS refferals against her and her current husband, is facing 4-20 years for welfare fraud totally $62, 0000... too many other things to mention.  Dad filed for permanent custody and it was granted in nov. 2002.  WE live in VA and the custody case was held in San Diego... it took 2 years.  The GAL had reccomended that dad have SOLE custody with NO VISITATION at all for the mother.  DAD agreed 30 minutes before the final hearing in the lawyers office with our lawyer, GAL and, mother and her lawyer to the visitation.  The case is closed and done, there is nothing at all active except for this motion to amjmend that we just got.  Since we have had custody, she missed BOTH of her Christmas visits, calling LATE the night beofre saying she wasn't coming.  She came 3 days late (extra days we were letting her have) to get them this past spring break and then called  and told us to come get them 2 days early.  As for when the police were called, she had said she made the drive to pick the children up by herself, we knew better, went to the hotel where she stayed and there was her husband waiting for her.  It is CLEARLY STATED that there is to be NO CONTACT wioth him at all, only if another responsible adult is around other than the mother.  This man has SEVERAL SUBSTANTIATED abuse reports against him, that is why he is not to be around the children.  SHE IS THE ONE WHO AGREED TO THAT.  She is saying we have refused 6 visits... no we have not.  We don't have her current address, only a po boxor phone #, ALL copies of report cards, classwork and artwork, cards, etc.. that we send regular and certified come back.  this is not new to us.  This mother is no mother at all.  She still subjects the children to the same situations and threats that she has done all along.  She has 5 children by three different fathers...how many live with her now...0!  All three of the fathers have custody of their own children.  Seeing her more WOULD NOT benefit the children in any way.  I know that is a harsh statement to make but with all of the facts, it is true.

[speciallady]

nm

[joni]

who's to say she won't take off with the kids again.

did the current therapist recommend unsupervised visitations?

[patton]

We were given custody of my step children 11/02.

Were both of you given custody or just your DH?


1. how do we prepare for this hearing.
2. any documentation we need to bring?
3. will they change visitation so soon after this was agreed on (nov. 26 2002)

1. You will need to provide any and all documentation to refute the statements she made on visitation.  Do you have the police report for the fall break?  If not get it.  
2. Christmas? Can you prove this?  Not she said, he said, you said.  Can you subponea the phone records?   Do you tape record phone conversations?  Does your state allow it?  Witnesses to show she NEVER showed to pick up kids?
3. Same for spring break as #2.

You need to refute all statement with witness or hard evidence.  As far as her and her husband getting unsuperviced visits and modifying the agreement, it would depend I would think on what the court order stated, as far as therapy etc. being completed and basically it's probably the Judge's decision, unless you CAN prove otherwise.

[4honor]

"THERE HAS BEEN NO SUBSTANTIAL CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE CHILDRENS' OR THE NON MOVING PARTY'S LIVES".

As for evidence, bring the police report. Make her prove her allegations with "best evidence". Her word against your logs will not win.
If she brings telephone records, you can prove she called late and then early.

As for the thing with her husband, SHE AGREED to the previous arrangement. It is likely that she is not going to prevail.

[stepmom2b]

Let me just clear up a few things.  I am not a new member of this board, though I have not been on here in at least a year or so.  We used the advice, got opinions, and ALOT of support from the members here for almost 2 years during our custody battle.  I do not have time or want to get into the specifics of our case and what went on.... it would take too long.  The custody case is over, finished, done.  There are NO therapists involved, no lawyers, nothing... it was settled, BD was given custody.  These are the two youngest of 5 children by 3 different fathers.  ALL OF THE CHILDREN are with their fathers now.  BM LOST custody of ALL OF THEM and rightfuly so.  I agree that the non-custodial parent should be a part of the children's lives as much as possible.  BUT, that is NOT always the case and certainly not in our case.  We wish the circumstances were different but they are not.  We have done everything we could to encourage BM to be a bigger part of the children's lives... SHE REFUSES to do so and ends up trying to turn us into the bad guys, which ONLY makes it worse on herself and her relationship with her children.  It is her own fault.  I ahve no sympathy whatsoever for her.