Phasing In - Visitations

[mariofelan]

I haven't seen my kids in a year. I got divorced nine years ago. I had regular visits with my kids as established in the court order. But six years ago, my ex got all hysterical because I wouldn't answer her calls while the kids were visiting with me overnight (it wasn't the first time). Anyways, she showed up with the police at my apartment at about 5:30 am to pick up the kids; it was a mess. Since then, I have had on and off visits with my kids mainly because after that incident, my visits have had to be in her presence. There is no court order, just the "best interest of the kids" as she states. Because of the awkwardness and it being so uncomfortable, I stopped seeing my kids. I want to see them again and sent her a letter advising her of my request and she wrote back that yes, I can see my kids but only for an hour and a half and under her supervision. What should I do? I want to see my kids but don't want her around to be putting in her two cents. It's weird but it's as if she pretends we are still a family. Please anyone who can give me advise I'd greatly appreciate it. The kids are 12, 10 and 9.

[Kitty C.]

Man, she's handed all the ammo you need to take her to court for contempt........admitting that she's going AGAINST the CO in regards to visitation.  Guard that written response from her like it's worth a million bucks, because it just might be in the long run!

If there is nothing in your current order that states visitation must be supervised, specifically by her, then she is in obvious contempt.  The only way you are going get this remedied is to file contempt on her, for violation of the CO.  But word of warning:  your 'giving up' on seeing your kids for a year (no matter how difficult it was to try to see them) will look bad on you and she will exploit that to the hilt, so be prepared for that.  If you have any other documentation from her over the past year that states anything similar to what you just posted, it will back your position up, tho.

Also, you need to find out if your state is one of the few who actually has a DEFINITION of BIC, because if they do, she could even be in more trouble, using HER interpretation of BIC and not the state's.  Get an atty., you're gonna need one.........

[wendl]

In that year that you haven't seen your children, did you have phone contact regularly with them???

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mariofelan]

Not regularly; they were usually never home. My ex keeps them pretty active - involved in extra curricular activities. Whenever I did call she either didn't answer or the kids were sleeping. My wife would keep contact with my ex via e-mail and at times on the phone and she would update her on the kids. Usually I would hear from my ex whenever she needed extra money for the kids (field trips). Only then was I involved in their lives; she would usually say.. "your kids need so and so..." other than that, my calls would go unanswered. If I did get to talk to them, then she'd be listening on the other line... supervising our conversations.  

[wendl]

well find your old phone bills that show you attempted to stay in contact with children, document everything you can.
Save the emails etc.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Bolivar OH]

Children need there father.  The fight is tough I know, I am going through it now.
Make sure you do 3 things constantly:
1.   Document
2.   Document
3.   Document

You have rights and responsibilities to be apart of your children's life.  She is trying to alienate you from your god given right to be a dad.  I know,, I know,, she wants your money (CS) but not the dad involvement.  She is a control freak.

Get active in your children's life NOW!!  Document anything she does to stop you.  That will be evidence to be used in the future.  

Learn your current Visitation rights and start executing them!!!

As another poster says "Never Give Up"


Here is a post by GoingThruTheMotions @ dadsdivorce

The concept of "consistent visitation" is just woman talk for "being able to control my ex by knowing when he comes and goes so I can neatly plan out the rest of my happy life."

Wouldn't it be nice for you and all the mothers who have torn a child's father out of the child's life, if all men were mental patients who stuck to a robotic schedule of every other week-end with advance notice? "Consistent visitation" is NOT the definition of a good father. A good father is far deeper and more complex than that, and something that your entitlement issues preclude you from comprehending. Just showing up when the mom expects you to be not what's most important.

[msme]

"My ex keeps them pretty active - involved in extra curricular activities."

Ask the kids what they are involved in. Ask the names of their teams & the leagues they play in. Go to the league or organization running the activity & ask for a schedule for the teams. Go to every game possible. Cheer them on & let them know you support their efforts. Unless there is something in your CO, you can go & she cannot stop you. These things take place in public facilities.

Are you involved in their schools? Unless there is something in your CO, you have the right to be at every school activity & conference. If your school allows it, go to lunch with them a couple of times a month. Kids love to have a parent show up with their favorite fast food.

You may have to produce your CO & politely demand your rights but do it. Your kids need you.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!