She denied it again!

[tharper001]

Well, this is the 2nd scheduled weekend visitation that was denied to my husband.  He has not seen his 11 year old daughter since Father's day.  He went down to pick her up for his scheduled weekend and 4th of July holiday as well as his summer visitation on July 2nd.  He had the police meet him over there, and they weren't there.  He did the same thing this past weekend, only he was waiting on the police to arrive and low and behold, the witch and her daughter showed up.  The witch proceeded to get in my husband's face, which really boils my blood.  Somehow, my husband managed to keep his composure, especially since the child was right there.

The cops showed, she tried to interrupt the cop's reading of the court orders -- unfortunately, the General Master's hearing was what we had, but we have not received the copy signed by the judge yet.  My husband simply had the cops there so that a report could be made that he is doing his part.

Well, we go to the first Psychological Evaluation meeting this Wednesday.  Can't wait for that.  This was also recommended by the General Master... so we are beginning this process.  We know that the mother will try and get out of this also.  She has already walked out of a deposition after screaming at our attorney, she did not show up for the General Master's hearing -- she placed a phone call saying that something had come up.  And now she is denying visitation and having the child call her father and tell him that she doesn't want to come stay with him.  

My concern... WHAT IF WE ARE GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS -- THE EVALUATION, THE HEARINGS, ETC., AND NOTHING HAPPENS TO THE MOTHER??????  I don't know how any judge in their right mind could not do something in this case.  It is clear what household is stable and which one is unstable.  We have facts to prove this -- residence history, job history, school grades and attendance, lack of medical and dental care for the child, leaving the child home alone, letting the child ride the free public transportation in the beach town that they live in, taking the child to work with her in the bar/restaurant, history of violent relationships, etc.  And recorded phone messages that indicate how unstable she is... one week saying the daughter should be home at the court appointed time, and in two weeks, calling and saying we can have even longer summer visitation than what is court appointed, as well as messages to her daughter threatening her to throw her stuff out of the house, and that she could live with her lying scum bag father, etc., etc.  

As a couple with plans for our own family, WE CAN NO LONGER TOLERATE the instability, the verbal abuse that my husband takes any time he tries to be involved in his daughter's life.  His daughter loves him dearly, and we know his daughter is only doing what she needs to do to survive.  But... if we go through all of this and they don't do anything to this woman, we will have no choice but to become disengaged from both of them.  I can't imagine this happening due to the documentation that we do have, but we must plan for worst case scenario.  And it will be a sad day for our justice system if the courts fail to change custody.

[Peanutsdad]

Keep the course.

Go thru it all,, Im sorry, but there is NO other way. You are dealing with an ex much like mine.

A bit of advise,, disengage AT home,, DONT let this disrupt your home. As far as calls,, keep the recordings. AFTER each call thats nasty, providing you take it,, get call blocking. CALMLY inform her after a nasty call that it is recorded, and you are blocking her number for 24/48 hours.

Dont listen to recordings where the kid/s can hear it. Keep home calm.


As far as sanctions,, shrug,, worst sanction to her will be losing custody to "that lying scum of a father". She wont nor cant see whats best, nor what harm shes doing.

If she continues like this tho,, its entirely possible to get her on supervised.

[Bolivar OH]

Thank you for sharing!!  You are in the eye of the storm right now.  It is very natural to feel as you do.  I am sure that the PBFH is waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy stressed out.  Her whacking out is great documentation for your case.  She is digging her self deeper and deeper.  Patients are required at this time.  I will share a little saying given to me.

  1. Problems are inevitable.  "Being human in this world we will have trouble"
  2. Problems are unpredictable.  "Have you ever had a flat tire at a good time?  you cannot plain your troubles"
  3. Problems are impartial. "They happen to all human beings Good/Bad"
  4. Problems are temporary. "it is something you go through"
  5. Problems are purposeful.  "for some reason going through problems builds one character"


What to do?
  1. Refuse to be discouraged. "as PeanutsDad said 'Keep the course' ".
  2. Do NOT take the problem personally.  "She would be a B*tch to whoever her eX was.  It is not about you, it is about her.  She is a mentally sick."

[stepmom74]

We are going through a very similar situation right now.  The Bm to my husband's daughter won't let us talk or see her.  She says that she doesn't want to see us or talk to us but we know that is because of her mother.  Like you said, she is trying to survive.  My husband's ex is a little sneakier though.  She only gets mad when no one can hear her.  We have tried to see his daughter for about 4 weeks or more and are refused.  She states that she won't make her daughter do something she doesn't want to do.  The problem with that is, her daughter doesn't really want us out of her life, she is just getting away with not coming.  If she were told she had to, then she would do it and be fine with it.  

Tonight, my husband called his daughter to talk to her.  She talked to him for about 5 minutes.  He asked her why she wouldn't come over to our house and why she was acting like that.  She said she thought we treated her differently than our 5 year old daughter.  Of course we do!  My SD is 10 and of course we expect her to behave better than a 5 year old!  That pisses her off so she doesn't want to see us ever again.  (That's the story her mom is telling us anyway.)

We told the ex that it is not the child's choice and that she would be fine if she would make her do something once in a while.  She told us that she wouldn't make her daughter uncomfortable.  Well, kids don't like to get shots either but sometimes they have to do it anyway, right?!  I guess not in PBFH's world.

The problem we keep facing is the fact that the courts don't make her do anything!  She is the CP and basically she tells us what we can and can't do about everything!  She likes to throw it in my husband's face all the time.  She thinks she's invincible and will never be told she is wrong.  So far, the courts have let her get by with it and it just makes us so mad we can't handle it anymore.  She is always telling us to take her to court!  One of these days, I hope we can get custody and make her sweat the way she has made us for years.  The problem is in ND the mother always seems to be right, no matter how wrong she really is.  It just makes me sick!

I say, go for the gusto and kick some butt for me!  I hope you have better luck than we have.  It sounds like you have a strong case and I will be praying for you.  Show her that she can't get away with treating you and your husband like crap and she should be accountable for her actions too!!

Good luck!

[tharper001]

I guess that is the one area that we are fortunate in.... if you can be fortunate in this.  The mother of the child does not try to put on a front for anyone... whether it's the cops, the teachers, her neighbors.  It doesn't matter.  Eventually her true colors end up coming out.  And it has in front of our attorney.  I just hope it does soon in front of a judge.

Good luck to you.  My husband and I are going to the psych evaluation today.  This will be our first meeting.  Should be interesting to find out how this is going to work!

[booger_cat2]

Believe me, I understand.  You sure we don't have the same step-daughter??  I guess not, mine is 13.  We're in the process of the contempt order thing.  Just waiting for the papers to be served on her for contempt and for her to show cause and then go to court on Aug. 19th.  I'll pray for you!!  Pray for us.

[tharper001]

There are a lot of us that need prayer!  Absolutely we will pray for you.  Got another disturbing phone call from SD yesterday... so disturbing that my husband didn't even listen to it.  He saw the look on my face, called his attorney and gave them instructions on how to listen to the message.  They called back in a couple of minutes, and absolutely told him he didn't need to hear that.  I recorded it after he left yesterday, and will transcribe it today.  I believe the psych evaluator heard it too.

Now... this was his 11 year old daughter and the message was about a minute and a half long.  Saying how it would do no good for him to call because if he wanted to pay his lawyer and make his lawyer rich while his daughter's life passed him by, then that was fine, because she didn't like the person he had become and she didn't want him in her life and that he should think about that.  She didn't miss a beat, not even a hum, or an "oh", or nothing... no where in the message did she hesitate.  Like the attorney said, if that was scripted, then I don't know what the word scripted means!

It's just so difficult to sit back and watch this father and daughter be kept apart, when I know how close they are when they are together.  And we know that the child is simply saying these things because she's being made to.  It has now been over a month since he's seen her, and he has not had a good conversation with his daughter over the telephone for almost three months.  And the longer the witch is able to do this to her daughter, the more apt the daughter will be to believe what she is saying to her daddy and end up hating him.

I hate the way this system works.  And like I told him last night... if he does get her by chance... I wouldn't return her.  If anything... it would get him in front of a judge quicker!

[Joanne1979]

I understand how you feel completely.  I am new to this board and just posted something similar to your post.  I really wish I could give you an answer.  My husbands ex on occasion has actually attacked my husband in front of there young son and nothing has ever happened to her.  The last time she violated the court order all she got was a slap on the wrist and a "don't do it again"  I swear!!   I will read what response you got to see if anything can help me as well.  I just don't understand how woman can act this way towards men that obviously love there children.  Its beyond me.    Just know you are not alone and you can chat with me anytime.  [email protected]

Joanne