non-custodial parent hs not seen daughter for 3 months

[stptmom]

My husband is the noncustodial parent and has a 14 year old daughter whom he is supposed to have visitation rights every other week from friday to sunday.  To give a little background info as briefly as I can... my husband sued for custody when his daughter was 12 due to ongoing verbal abuse by the step-dad that was hidden by the mother.  To make a looong story short, my husband eventually dropped the case because his children were actively being turned against him and it was causing a great deal of stress for the kids (he also has an 11 year old son).  He enjoyed a very good relationship with his daughter prior to this and never had visitation problems before. Since his filing for custody he has had much difficulty with his daughter not wantin to come over to see him.  Since he dropped the lawsuit, he did get a verbal agreement with the mom that he would get the kids from thursday through monday. We still have the 11 year old on that schedule and he comes over regularly. My stepdaughter was supposed to switch to friday through Sunday due to her new high school schedule. But, since the school year has started she has not been over at all.  She complains that she is in high school and is supposed to have fun.  Now, we allow her to invite her friends over and my husband is willing to drive her to activities so I am not sure what fun she would really bemissing out on.  She has made several commitments to her Dad, but has not followed through on any of them. My husband is willing to agree to Saturday-Sunday (just two nights a month), but still there is no visitation.  Her social calendar is too busy.  He has asked her mother for her support in this, but she states she is "out of this" and this is between him and his daughter.  My husband being the noncustodial parent has no real ability to enforce this. Shouldn't this be the custodial parents responsibility to make sure the visitation is enforced? Do we have any recourse? Unfortunately to go back to court for refusal of visitation will most likely mean my husband paying more in child support, even though custodial mom has more money. This would be financially devastating to us, as we are just making it now. Is there anything we can do without going into court?

[stepmom]

I am going thru the same thing right now so I understand your dilema.  My husbands 13 yr old daughter refuses to come up on visitation weekends because we finally could not take any more harassment from her mother calling 10+ times per day so we had her arrested for aggravated harassment and had a restraining order put against her.  We were told by the judge that it is the custodial parent's responsibility to make sure the child comes up and they are to encourage it.  Basically when asked what do we do if she doesnt they said to file visitation violations against her every time.  We are still batteling as well and have another court date in a few weeks but the judge flat out told the mother that if she did not enforce the visitation she would lose custody. This is the 3rd or 4th violation against her since August so we will see if the judge lives up to his promise.  We don't have an attorney we have been doing this ourselves.  Why do you say you would have to pay more for visitation if you go back for violation?  They are different matters and they can only take the 17% (I believe)out of him.

We have been learning the hard way too that children no matter how bad the custodial parent is will always stick by them especailly after years of parental alienation against the other parent.   We keep fighting even though she hates us right now because we love her and want to spend time with her and I'm afraid if we quit and give up she will think we gave up on her and dont care anymore.  

Anyway good luck

[wendl]

If the court order states you get daughter on xx weekend then you are suppose to, if mom makes it difficult and fails to help facilitate the child/parent relationship with the ncp then she is in contempt of court.

Therefore you should file for contempt for denial of visitaiton.  Usually from what I have heard the 1st few contempt nothing happens, the cp gets a slap on the risk, but some judges are different.

Visitaion is NOT up to the chidl as they are a CHILD.

Child suppport and visitation are two seperate issues, if mom makes more than dad and she files for increase in cs, she may end up getting a reduction (just depends on the state, some states base soley on ncp incomes, some on ncp and stepparent income, and like in my state they base and average it only on the parents income.

Best of luck.

I think you are right by allowing daughter to have a friend over and taking her to her functions, this way you are trying to help your daughter with her social life, HOWEVER you are not giving up your time with her.

But in reality come on EOW her missing a sleep over, with her friends ins't gonna kill her, friends come and go during that stage in your life.

Best of luck

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Louisiana]

This child is being used to hurt your husband.  She is being told she doesn't have to visit and that her activities are more important than a relationship with her father.  Depending on your judge she may be right.  Her age is a problem in court if you have the wrong judge.  I can only tell you that if you do not already know what parental alienation syndrome is you need to read up on it or you will go crazy.  Pray for her and her mother.  It is only through a changing of her mothers heart that things will get better.  The custodial parent has too much power over thier minds.  Until she gets out of her mothers house you may have a very difficult time seeing that deep down she loves her dad.  My step children feel guilty for loving thier dad.  It's betayal in thier mothers eyes.  Keep close to that son and always let him know how much you treasure your time with him.  When the daughter goes away to school the mother will probably target him.  I sound paranoid but I have experienced incredible things in the past four years.  Your husband mst always show unconditional love, but still be a dad that can be respected. must still be the same father he has always been even though this is devestating, for his son and for when his daughter returns.

[shawneetears]

17%?  I'm not sure I understood what you meant, can you explain?

thanks


wish you the all best that life has to offer!  :)