Visitation denied....

[oklahoma]

When I last posted a few weeks ago, my SDs had just told Dad that they didn't want to come for the weekend because I was mean to them--but they wanted to come down for Christmas (like things would magically be better....)  My husband talked to them the night they were supposed to come, calmed things down a bit--he's really good at that--and told them to call that night if they wanted him to pick them up Saturday morning, if not we would see them for Christmas break.  He had told them the night before that these "games" were not OK and they had to come every time or not at all--no more back and forth because it was really hurting our family.  When my husband spoke to SDs that Thursday, he had trouble discussing the issue with SDs because stepdad kept hanging the phone up.  But Friday night he was very clear, and I heard him say, "We'll see you at Christmas."

That Friday night was the last we heard from them.  They no longer answer the phone or return messages, and the email account that had been set up specifically for SDs to communicate with my husband has now been cancelled.  (Same thing happened two years ago.)  Finally, after calling almost every day this week, my husband called BMs mom and got something....  Apparently they (BM and/or SDs) have been telling everyone that we told them they could not come down for Christmas.  SDs were spending the night at a friend's house at the time we were supposed to pick them up (glad we didn't drive the 200+ miles to go get them.)  And still, no response from SDs or BM.

The problem is that we can't do anything.  My husband refuses to go to court because it is too expensive to just have the judge say "Follow the court order" and have BM not follow it anyway.  SDs are old enough that my husband really can't drive up there and force them to come--especially with BM telling them they can decide.  But, I have never seen SDs turn away from their dad when he was there in person.....  We don't know how much of this mess is SDs and how much is BM--we do know that they all bear some responsibility.  OSD just entered middle school and is at the age when friends are the ruling force, not family--and, again, BM does not help the situation.

I am just so worried about what this is doing to my husband and to my children.......

[Ref]

I can't offer any advice because we are going through a similar issue. SD is being told that she has a choice by her mom. She is told that she doesn't by her dad. Guess who looks like the a**hole?

Middle school is still young to say that you can't make them come. We figure, around 16 is when SD can have a real say. Not only because we think that is a good age, but also..who can stop a 16 year old?

I would send a letter of intent to BM, CERTIFIED. Then try to collect. We always send ours to the clerk of the court to file as well. You should send one regarding phone visitation too. State when you will be calling and that you expect to speak with your daughters then.

From now on I would tell BM that the Children are not to be used to communicate visitation. You will from now on communicate via certified letter. That way there are no problems.

Good Luck...Like I said, I am right there with you