Plea for help....

[ALovingFather]

To Whom It May Concern:

                  I am a 29-year-old father who is desperately trying to save my child from the people that should be protecting her best interests. I have married and had two more children who do without, because of this crisis. This will be the third year in a row that we have been in custody dispute. Growing up a child of two bitter parents I can safely say that if nothing is done soon, her child hood will be stripped away from her. I say dispute, but what it has really turned into is a political war. Each side is trying to tell the other what her best interests are, but really just defending our own. The court system has failed us. They can or will only off band aide s to help out. They resolve very little and only set the parents up to communicate threw the aide of lawyers. I cannot say that my household is any better than the other. My wife has become so desperate to end the feuding she has tried to frame my ex by hacking her email in an attempt to make it appear that my ex would kill my daughter before she allows custody. When this did not work she attempted to frighten her into submission by text messages. Now my ex is just as bad, but in smaller degrees. At every turn she has keep us in court, at every turn she has used the specific wording of the parenting plan, to not do what is in the parenting plan. She now plans to take our daughter out of daycare, for the simple reason she doesn't believe it is needed, and doesn't want to fork up the money for it. I will be going to court soon, which my lawyer has advised me against, but I believe that day care has brought a lot of stability in my daughter's life, and has help her developing skills greatly. I will most likely end up losing most if not all my parenting rights, because I am the head of the house-hold and should have know my wife was doing what she was doing. As I see it there are only 3 options left.

1) Get a gardium-adlightum, which will help no one, because we are still not learning to deal with each other directly as adults and be able co-parent.
2) I give up my parental rights, so that I might at least give my daughter the peace of a childhood not spent as a tug-a-war rope. Which I am more than willing to do, if it will give her the peace I never had as a child.  
3) Both parties be forced to attend a co-parenting counseling program so that we might be finally forced to deal with the real problem, each other. See if we were forced to learn to deal with each other, we could begin the healing process and start co-parenting like couples still together have done.

Unfortunately there is no such program, and no judge would hear me out even if there were because of what my wife has done. The system has broken me financially, and has created a rift between my wife and myself. I may very well end up back in custody court over my other two children, because the system has failed. Neither side is more right or important than the other, but I feel although I am given less of a chance to do right, simply cause of my gender. The state of my residence is considered a "mother," state. How can there be justice for any child in a state like that?  In short I most likely will lose my daughter, I most likely will have to claim bankruptcy, and if I can't find away to reconnect with my wife, I will lose her too. All I want is for there to be a resolution were my child doesn't have to lose, cause right now either way she will lose. Simply cause her parents are unable or unwilling to co-parent.
                                                                                                     

[mango]

I must say it sounds all so familiar. We have been fighting now for 6 years. I am the step mother and I feel helpless. We have 50/50 custody, and my husband and I have 2 children of our own. We are financially tapped, and live our lives around the parenting plan. The mother (his ex) takes us to court of everything. She has tried to move out of state, and fought for full custody and soon she will say she is old enough to decide for herself where she wants to live. However she has been poision ing the childs mind with horror stories about the father. The woman simply is in it for a power gain. We toy with the idea of letting go and rekindle our relationship at a later time in life. But we have siblings that have attachments too. Its deep.

I do not have an answer, but I read a lot and most books say the children need both parents, and also deep down know which parent is providing unconditional love. So we just keep truding along, in hopes the mother will get a boyfriend, hobby, job or life, and move on.

[rosanlu]

I truly feel your pain. Gender bias and lying moms do abuse their childrem. My son is in the same boat as you are.
 Your child sounds very young. Keep close contact with her and hope she does not have to be anything but a child loved by her father no matter what she is told. It's terrible to be responsible for your mothers happiness and to be manipulated when you are to young to realize it.
  No matter what. Keep in contact with her and show her what you can't say in words.