Documentation, when is it not enough? HELP! please read

[Mom of 2 Girls]

Hi,

I dont post here much but my question relates directly to this site, the problem I have will come to a head before September 1st so I really need feedback and or help!

History:
I was a NCP for just shy of 8 yrs. From seperation in mid 1997 till early 2002 (when after 2 yrs of court fighting to have a better one I corrected it but due to no more $ to fight him I was forced to sign that I would do all the transportation as of that time foward) we had a vague visitation schedule, our court orders were pooly constructed with many areas left vague enough that the CP (Ex husband) used them to his advantage. Also no place was it writen who was responcible to provide transportation to/from visitation & my ex layed down the law & said if I want to see the kids I was to travel to get them/return them.

In all honesty he only helped me 1x, because my truck was failing. He worked in NYC & I was on the boarder of Queens county, about 20 minutes outside NYC & he was driving past my exit but making me get up at 5:00 am & drive my old truck over an hr east to be at his home to watch the kids. As our already poor relationship got even worse he no longer wanted me watching the kids in our marital home. He began having his mom watch the girls, or his girlfriend, I would call & try to see who had the kids & ask him if I could get them but he wouldnt return my calls, he didnt "need" me anymore.

For yrs I had no money & major visitation refusal. In 2000 I cashed out a small investment fund to retained a lawyer & started using the internet to find sites like this one. I was keeping a detailed journal, more in frustration but also because their was a great deal of P.A.S. going on.

I also started using the SPARC TIME TRACING spread sheets & over the yrs I became very good at using them.

In December of 2004, after a long custody fight & several yrs where our daughters were abused @ the hands of their new step mom, I was awarded sole legal custody. The girls moved in on Christmas eve. I thought that I had won the fight of my life & I feel shameful now on how stupid I really am, its 8 months later & other then custody nothing else is settled.

He wants a hearing for everything. I filled for support in January, the judge gave him a time deadline to submit his financial disclosure/net worth affidavit, he let that slide & didnt submit till April. Interium support was ordered as of June, with retroactive to January to be paid in a lump sum, he wants a hearing to reduce it, from $300.00 a week to $500.00 a month, he never paid the retroactive arrears, didnt even try & I filed for contempt. He wants 3 weeks in the summer & most holidays, I want to use the second visitation order I had (the one I had to take him to court to fix) He said it isnt "good enough"for him. I dont want the girls with the step mom any more then they have to be. He wants me to do 50% of all transportation, after helping me only 1x in almost 8 yrs that I was made to do ALL the transportation. He tried to relocate mid/custody battle & the courts hit him with a restraining order because of the child abuse (CPS indicated).

I learned yesterday that before September 1st he will submit a motion to the court with writen statements from eye whitnesses that he provided 50% of the transportation all along, knocked the wind out of me, a bold faced move on his part because it couldnt be farther then the trueth...

I used Time tracker, I have 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, & all of 2004. I documented all the visitation I was denighed, when I saw the kids & my milage, almost 12,000 miles in transportation over the yrs documented.

Is that enough to stand up to people commiting purgury? My lawyer is talking a trial w/cross examination, I am already down over 30K & out of money but if I dont win this he will relocate & I will be subjected to transporting the kids to him on Friday afternoons after school when he moves 3.5 hrs upstate to be close to his siblings. He is flat out denighing his relocation plans (kids verified to the forensic's that he was looking at homes way north of this area) & if he gets me ordered to relocate, & we have hearings on all his demands...when all is said & done the restraining order will be lifted & he will hight tail out of here.

There is so much more, the fact I moved 3 times between 1997 and 2003 to finally move into a home across town from my ex & girls & he put his house on the market 40 days later to move, I made every effort to be with my children & I am blessed to have them here today.

The only other thing I have is I started taping (audio) microcassets in 2001 because I was being screamed at @ curbside during pick ups for visitation, but we're talking 12 tapes all in a big bag..its a mess...

Mom of 2 Girls

[ocean]

I am in NY too...have you gone right to CSE office yet? If not, you should....Not sure what county you are in but mine was very easy and hardly no wait. You go with the papers you have and say that he is not paying and they set up a court date and take it from there. They take it right from his check and then mail you a check. If he does not pay then THEY go after him and you are not involved. Good luck! PS...Keep up all documentation FOREVER! LOL

[dsm]

But, from what you post, it sounds like you have a good argument/defense for the driving.   Use the tracker.  It is very nice and complete.  The court in my DH's case really liked the summary sheets.  So what if he has written documents - you've got the mileage proofs and I'm sure you can bring up your own set of witnesses who will corhoborate your side of things.   Let him make all the accusations he wants - use what you have.

now, for the time that he wants with your kids.   Since there is documented abuse, I would be having your lawyer use this to your advantage.  There is no way that I would agree to having the kids spend extended periods of time with their abuser.   CPS should be able to step in and offer suggestion for how the placement should be set so that they get to spend time with their dad, but without being placed in further harm.   Get your lawyer working on this now.


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dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....