Joint custody, but my ex refuses me the children!!!

[dsm]

First of all, did you look at the sample parenting plan on this site?  It is in a wonderful format and very easy to change to your situation for days and times.   Here are some links for specifics that I think would be really helpful for you to read and then incorporate into your situation.

Common parenting plan mistakes:
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplanmistakes.htm

Stipulations to be sure are included in parenting plan:
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan1.htm

Excellent example of a shared parenting plan with period for reunification:
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan8.htm
This one calls for a period of 4 weeks to be the 'phasing in' period.  Adapt this to be whatever you think is necessary.  4 weeks I think should be good in your case IMHO.

Here are your bullets with my comments (my comments are in CAPS but not yelling, ok?):

August 18th, 2005

My ideas on a parenting plan:

· The mother is to have " " and " " every other weekend from Friday night at 7pm to Sunday night at 5pm, overnight on every other holiday from 6pm the eve of the holiday to 4 pm the afternoon of the holiday – starting this Christmas of 2005. There will be time allowed for late pick ups and late drop offs.

THIS CONTRADICTS WHAT YOU HAVE BELOW FOR CHRISTMAS.  IT WOULD BE BETTER TO PUT PLACEMENT TIMES SPECIFIC FOR HOLIDAYS, MOTHERS DAY, FATHERS DAY, CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAYS, REGULAR PLACEMENT SCHEDULE (SEE LINK ABOVE FOR PARENTING PLAN)


· The father cannot take the children out of state for more than a week w/o mother approval, and supplying an address and number of where they will be staying. Same goes for the mother.

I PERSONALLY THINK THAT WITH THE WAY THAT YOUR EX HAS KEPT HIS WHEREABOUTS A SECRET THAT YOU WANT TO LIMIT THIS - MY DH'S PARENTING PLAN SAYS 48 HOURS W/O WRITTEN APPROVAL - AND YOU'LL WANT TO STATE WRITTEN APPROVAL FOR DOCUMENTATION PROOF

· The father and mother are to have each other's updated address, phone number, and work number at all times.

THIS IS A GIVEN - AND SHOULD BE PUT IN THAT WITHIN 48 HOURS OF CHANGE OF ADDRESS OR PHONE THAT NOTIFICATION IS GIVEN TO THE OTHER PARENT

· The father and mother must inform each other of any emergency with each child and inform the other parent what action that has or will be taken.

AGAIN, A GIVEN.  SEE LINK TO PARENTING PLAN ABOVE

· The father and mother are not to badmouth each other to or in front of the children.

GOOD - THIS GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO BENCHMARK, BUT IS DIFFICULT TO ENFORCE

· The father and mother are not to argue in front of the children. They may talk to each other if they have a problem in private or on the phone.

GOOD AGAIN

· The children will be allowed to phone either parent at any decent hour.

SEE LINK ABOVE - THERE IS A GOOD BULLET FOR THIS ISSUE

· The children will be encouraged to phone either parent on Mother's Day, Father's day and holidays.

THE CHILDREN SHOULD BE WITH THEIR MOTHER ON MOTHER'S DAY AND FATHER ON FATHER'S DAY - HOLIDAY SCHEDULE WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS

· The children will be encouraged and helped to keep a healthy relationship with both parents.

GOOD

· Summer and other vacation days will be set up accordingly: mother will get the children for a total of one full week (not including mother's every other weekend rights) over the summer, each month. The father may call, or visit. Mother will have children 4 days straight over Christmas vacation.

THIS IS WHERE YOUR FIRST BULLET CONTRADICTS ITSELF - THERE SHOULD BE A SECTION IN THE PARENTING PLAN FOR REGULAR PLACEMENT PERIODS, HOLIDAYS, SUMMER, EXTENDED VACATIONS.  (SEE LINK ABOVE)

· Mother is to be informed of school picture day, so she may be able to purchase photos, informed of any games the children may be engaged in and any other activities.

THIS SHOULD BE YOUR JOB TO DO FROM THE SCHOOL - YOUR EX IS NOT GOING TO AGREE TO THIS.  YOU CAN START WITH IT AND USE IT AS A BARGAINING THING SO THAT YOU AGREE TO TAKE IT OUT, BUT REALLY - YOU ARE ABLE TO GET THIS FROM THE SCHOOL ON YOUR OWN AND IF YOU ARE INVOLVED IN WHAT THEY ARE DOING IN SCHOOL YOU WILL HAVE IT

· Mother will be informed of school report cards and any other school related letter sent home of importance.

SEE LAST BULLET - SAME THING APPLIES HERE

· Father cannot move children from school or make any other major decisions w/o mother's permission as to the joint custody agreement.

WHAT MAJOR DECISIONS?  HEALTHCARE?  DEATH?  (JUST GETTING YOU TO THINK HERE - MAKE IT SPECIFIC - DON'T LEAVE ANY LOOP HOLES)

· Father cannot move children to another state w/o mother's permission.

GOOD

· Both parents will agree to help support the children in any way with homework help, and such.

GOOD

· The children are allowed to visit mother at any time this includes after school. The mother must start homework with children and inform the father of progress and what might be left to do at home that evening.

SET UP A SCHEDULE SO THAT IT IS CLEAR WHEN THEY WILL BE WITH YOU AFTER SCHOOL - DON'T LEAVE IT VAGUE LIKE THIS 'AT ANY TIME'...NOT GOOD

· Mother may visit children at school and pick them up from school. She must inform the father after doing so and set a decent time to bring the children home.

AGAIN - HAVE THE SCHEDULE SET WHEN YOU WILL PICK THEM UP OR TAKE THEM TO SCHOOL.  'MOTHER MAY VISIT CHILDREN AT SCHOOL' - KEEP AND ADD BE INVOLVED WITH ANY AND ALL ACTIVITIES SCHOOL RELATED

· " ", " " and " "'s sibling is to be allowed to visit the boys, come to birthday parties if the boys like, and not to be treated in any bad way by " " or his family and friends.

I DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO PUT THIS IN THERE - GET THE PLACEMENT SCHEDULE SET AND THEN THIS WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF.  YOUR DAUGHTER WILL VISIT WITH THEM WHEN THEY ARE WITH YOU - BDAY PARTIES SHOULD HAPPEN ON YOUR TIME, AND IF IT WERE ME, MY LO AND BB DO NOT GO TO MY SD'S BDAY PARTIES AT HER MOM'S HOUSE - THAT'S NOT MY TURF AND NOT THEIR PLACE TO BE

· The children are not to be badgered about their visit to mother in order to find something negative about her and vise-versa.

GOES IN LINE WITH THE NEGATIVE TALK ABOVE - CAN BE REMOVED

· Mother, upon asking is allowed to visit the children in their home, see their bedrooms and see their environment.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOUR EX WILL PROBABLY NOT AGREE TO - AND SOMETHING FOR YOU TO ASK YOURSELF - WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO VISIT THEM IN YOUR EX'S HOUSE?  I CAN SEE WANTING TO BE ABLE TO SEE THEIR ENVIRONMENT OR BEDROOMS, EVEN THAT IS A STRETCH - THAT IS NO LONGER YOUR PLACE TO BE.  UNLESS THERE IS TALK OF FILTHINESS AND ABUSE, DON'T CONCERN YOURSELF WITH HOW YOUR EX ARRANGES HIS HOUSE.  YOU CAN'T CONTROL THAT

· Mother and father will share physical custody as well as joint legal custody.

GOOD - AND SHOULD BE UP-FRONT IN THE PARENTING PLAN - SEE LINK ABOVE.


I think a parenting plan is best for both children. The children deserve to be happy and to have both parents involved in their daily lives.

ABSOLUTELY - SEE LINK ABOVE FOR SAMPLE PARENTING PLAN.  



Does this make sense?   I hope you hear back from legal aid!!!!   If they are not able to help you, then you should file a motion on your own to have a parenting plan established.   Fill in the blanks above (to the link) and file it with the motion.   The legal aid office should be able to help you make sure that the correct forms are used - or even the courthouse may do that too.

Stay strong - and keep requesting for time with the kids - in writing - don't call, and don't page him since he has requested for you to stop.  Play nice, and keep it in writing.   Let him file harassment charges - you go to the hearing and present your copies of everything and show that there is nothing to keep you from having time with the kids except their father's denials.

Good luck!!!!
==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

[Cher]

You make me feel better. Grazie. I will rewrite this tonight or tomorrow and show you! Why You're all I have and I appreciate you!!!!

TTYL!

[Cher]

p.s.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOUR EX WILL PROBABLY NOT AGREE TO - AND SOMETHING FOR YOU TO ASK YOURSELF - WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO VISIT THEM IN YOUR EX'S HOUSE? I CAN SEE WANTING TO BE ABLE TO SEE THEIR ENVIRONMENT OR BEDROOMS, EVEN THAT IS A STRETCH - THAT IS NO LONGER YOUR PLACE TO BE. UNLESS THERE IS TALK OF FILTHINESS AND ABUSE, DON'T CONCERN YOURSELF WITH HOW YOUR EX ARRANGES HIS HOUSE. YOU CAN'T CONTROL THAT


True - it's best to take that out. I'd only get irritated being in his house anyway. ;)

xx

[dsm]

We've got to go pickup my SD tonight and tomorrow I've got a bday party to get ready for (my little brother's gf's son) so I might not see til Sunday, but I will check in.

Good luck!

==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
------------------
2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

[gipsy]

My atty say's : "If the parenting plan say's the time and date you get them And you show up and the kids are not there and ready "  then "Its contempt" I am a Dad " And I had filed many things to get my visits straightened out , Upon the letter from My atty threatening contempt , She gave me make up time , Maybe contact a bunch of atty's . I work in  a buiseness where I meet with a variety of home owners ,Many being atty's, and contempt  Is the answere , Because parenting plans are not self enforcing < You have to call it to the attention of the court " And usually the police will not show up , They absolutley do not enforce parenting plans in Pierce county washington , And  they may where you are but they told me its a civil case , And they don't get involved